Homeless Matt Damon Forced To Sell Kidney After Losing Everything In Crypto Pump And Dump Scheme

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

https://www.theonion.com/homeless-matt-damon-forced-to-sell-kidney-after-losing-1848558644

LOS ANGELES—In a desperate attempt to make some quick cash, a homeless Matt Damon was forced to sell his kidney Friday after losing everything in a crypto pump and dump scheme. “I know I shouldn’t have put all my money in that hyped up crypto token, but it seemed like a sure thing at the time!” said Damon, who was lowering himself in an ice bath at a run-down clinic just outside the city limits after being tricked into buying a fraudulent cryptocurrency right before the price crashed. “I already sold all the plasma I could to try to pay off the money I borrowed, and I’m feeling really weak. But what else am I supposed to do? God, they said Diarrhea Coin was going to make me filthy rich. What the hell was I thinking? Not only do I not have any money, now I won’t even have my fucking kidney.” At press time, Damon reportedly learned about a new cryptocurrency that was sure to turn everything around for him.

[Claustrum]

1. Why did they choose Matt Damon for this article?

Does Matt Damon have some connections to crypto?

[BlueIdaho]

3. He was the star of a Crypto Super Bowl Ad. nt.

[Claustrum]

10. I see. Thank you. n/t

[Nevilledog]

4. He's been doing crypto ads

[Claustrum]

11. Understood. Thank you. n/t

[snowybirdie]

5. Didn't he

make a commercial for it?

[jcgoldie]

2. Send him to Russia to take out Putin

We need Jason Bourne.

[SheilaAnn]

8. Or that Wahlburg guy, he was a great sniper in a movie I forget the name of.

[Cha]

23. Wasn't he! Mark!

[SheilaAnn]

24. Yes. Great film, we sure could use him now..LOL. I watch it whenever it's on.

[Stuart G]

9. It is the "Onion"...well..Matt is worth 170 million...Look it up.Total.Fraud, Someone got taken in..

at least this time it wasn't me....

What is Matt Damon's 2021 worth?
As of 2022, Matt Damon's net worth is $170 million. Matthew “Matt” Paige Damon is an American actor, film producer, and screenwriter.

[USALiberal]

12. This is silly and belongs in the lounge!!

[lame54]

14. I'm still unclear what general means on this site...

It certainly doesn't mean general

[Hugin]

15. I've been iffy on that for years...

Is this the area reserved for generals to discuss things or are we supposed to discuss generals?

Not clear! NOT CLEAR AT ALL!

[lame54]

18. Mills or Motors - Discuss

[ibegurpard]

17. Agreed

[lame54]

13. I hear he's living on poop potatoes

[AntiFascist]

16. Eek, oligarchs must be selling their bitcoins n/t

[Duppers]

20. It's The Onion (satire).

[AntiFascist]

21. Yes, and bitcoin price has been dropping n/t

[Duppers]

22. You're correct!

Sorry.

[Duppers]

19. Sometimes The Onion is not funny.

[Sunsky]

25. Poor Matt... literally

The headline had me so perplexed. Thank goodness it's the Onion

[NightWatcher]

26. They're pushing crypto so hard, it HAS to be a con, or at least multi level marketing