What would you have said to Jennifer?

[Not Heidi]

A woman sat on a bench outside Albertsons* yesterday afternoon when I arrived there. She held a large sign reading, "mother hospital heart father dead three young brothers help please thank you"

I reached for my wallet but she obviously needed more. I invited her in to shop with me. She spoke practically no English but we managed to communicate.

I was getting just a couple of things. I went with her as she shopped. She'd politely point at things and I'd nod or say "yes." I tried to smile a lot.

As we were checking out, a woman I knew, Jennifer, a manager, came over and asked me, "Are you paying for these groceries for her?" "Yes," I replied. She said, "You're the third person today to buy her food."

I said to Jennifer, "She obviously needs it." She gave me the side-eye, oozing judgement, and I saw red. I couldn't speak. I looked at my shopper and she was staring, wide-eyed, at Jennifer. I held up my hand to her (shopper) and smiled and said, "It's ok, it's ok."

There was so much I could've said, but I was apoplectic, dumbstruck - and I didn't want to start something..

What would you have said to Jennifer?

Have you had any similar experiences?

*a Southern California grocery chain, part of Safeway and Vons

--This all reminded me of a sparkling comeback in a favorite movie. A man is accused of being a bleeding-heart liberal. "Lady, I don't give a diddly-shit what they call me, and I don't know if the organ is bleeding or not, but according to my EKG, I've got one."

[Bluethroughu]

1. We get that all the time for stopping and giving cash to people asking.

People I know always say scammers or something, and I always respond with, what if they are not. What if they just need a little something to get by from their fellow mankind.

I wouldn't give more than I can, and it is always more then they had.

[Not Heidi]

2. Hear, hear.

I'm sometimes tempted to bring out "There but for the grace of god, go I." But 1. It implies that the hurting one is not offered grace, and 2. I'm an atheist....

[Bluethroughu]

3. Me too.

[Not Heidi]

17. 🙂

[Piasladic]

22. I always credit luck.

I'm an atheist too, and I have been very lucky indeed.

If a person wants food, I don't care if they've eaten 20 times that day or if they're a secret mastermind of roasted chicken management. We don't know why they ask for it, we just give it because we can and it's the right thing to do.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

4. Not much, because it's not Jennifer's business. Probably just "okay?" or "huh."

[Not Heidi]

16. Yeah, that would've done.

[spanone]

5. ...K&R...

[Hortensis]

6. I would have thanked "Jennifer" for telling me. And then I would have done

as my evaluation decided. You say "she obviously needed more." I don't know what that means.

It strikes me as unusual that she's been turning down cash and getting multiple (!) people to go in and shop with her -- and presumably spend more. Whatever else is going on, or not, she clearly has a talent.

Fwiw, I don't require people I give to to be honest with me, or decent. I know that it's not uncommon for people in trouble to have serious unpleasant personality issues that make them unable to keep family, friends or jobs. But they still need whatever they need.

[Not Heidi]

11. "she obviously needed more" --

If one took her sign at face value, as I did, one could imagine the amount of need - just for the young ones, for starters. The few bucks I had on me wasn't going to help much.

Since she did not "get me" to take her in to shop, I surmise that the others did as I did: asked her if she needed food. Needing to feed her family, and gracefully accepting what is offered -- that's a talent? All she did was to hold her sign, to use the few words of English she knew, and to accept with gratitude. If, over time, she learned things that might help her in her endeavors, more power to her.

'But they still need whatever they need." My thought exactly.

[Hortensis]

20. Not, she got 4 (that you know of!) people in one day to do exactly

the same thing, using minimal English, and that "same thing" is an unusual thing. The more I think of it, the more I wonder at that. You might ask at other nearby markets if they've observed this there.

She can be 100% legit, all her helpers smart and aware, and it'd still take talent most in her position don't have -- to connect with the desire of generous people to give more of themselves, not just money.

[haele]

19. Y'know, it doesn't matter if she was being used as the front for a bunch of homeless or Travellers.

If she was getting groceries for the gang as well as money, at least everyone was going to eat. We have a large homeless population in our city, and frankly, the work they do to hustle for food and money for whatever keeps them going throu the day is just as hard as if they were working a "legitimate" job that still would barely pay for a studio apartment at $1200 a month with basic utilities and transportation.
Most of these people are either minimally/self-employed; or unemployable in terms of a 9-5 or retail/food service job. They do, however, find community amongst themselves for the most part.

So buying groceries for one that is begging is probably feeding close to a dozen other people that day. In this situation, I'd also toss in some products like wet wipes, Neosporin, travel mouthwash, and band-aids. And socks.

If we see a group of homeless in the nearest strip mall parking lot -which is most of the time as there's a social services and family health clinic nearby, we always get a couple Gatorades and P-3 type snack (cracker, meat, cheese and dried fruit) packages for them while we're shopping. And some dog food if there's a dog or two there, also.
They "might be annoying" to the average passers-by hanging out on the sidewalk or by the dilapidated vehicles they call home, but they do keep the area clean, because they don't want the store managers and police hassling them.

Haele

[Hortensis]

21. Umhm. And if they're gathering goods for black market sales

to bring in money to pay for other things they need, it's a way of doing what they need to. As long as they do need to.

I do think no one should be outraged at Jennifer for informing customers so they can be aware that the situation may be somewhat different from that presented. People have different preferences for giving.

We've known people who are extremely generous, coat off their backs in snowstorms, make monthly donations to charities, etc, who'd happily buy this woman breakfast or a box of diapers for the baby they can see she has but almost make a religion of not giving cash for fear it'd be spent on something "bad." I'm not so...whatever; what people do with my gifts once they're in their hands is their business. I'd be fascinated to follow the process of how the groceries I'd paid for were resold on the black market for money to buy something else needed.

[sop]

7. The term "bleeding heart liberal" is used as an insult by conservatives, people who usually profess

to be devout christians. Another "sparkling comeback" would be to remind them the phrase comes from the religious image of Christ’s wounded and bleeding heart, pierced by a Roman lance while nailed to the cross, symbolizing his compassion and love for humanity. The Sacred Heart is often depicted in Christian art as a flaming heart shining with divine light, encircled by the crown of thorns, surmounted by a cross, and bleeding.

[Not Heidi]

15. I'd always wondered where the saying came from.

The rare times I've seen Catholic artifacts, I've marveled at that heart.

Why do Catholics have/need a gory representation, a constant reminder of torture?

Nah, I thinkI know, and it's part of why I renounced Christianity and my faith in a god.

[Emile]

8. I can sense when someone is on the take. Even then sometimes I

give if I like their story.

[Not Heidi]

14. So do I. 🙂

[Johnny2X2X]

9. Lack of empathy

Conservatives lack empathy, true empathy is imagining yourself in their shoes. What would it take for me to beg for food in a parking lot? I know that for me to beg for money or food, I'd have to have no other options, I'd have to be at the lowest point possible to subject myself to that activity which I would consider humiliating.

I've spent time with the homeless, I've gotten to know homeless people, everyone has a story, everyone. We live in a culture where you can fall into poverty simply from getting sick or getting in a car accident. Things can spiral quickly, I don't think the average person realizes how easy it is to lose everything and how hard it is to pull yourself out of homelessness once you've got nowhere to go, nowhere to rest.

I have had to fall back on family to have a place to stay before. I now own a nice home and make a very good living, but I am aware that it can all be gone in a flash if things don't go my way.

[Not Heidi]

13. " . . . it can all be gone in a flash if things don't go my way."

Absolutely right. The thought is terrifying.

Empathy is key. Imagine where this country would be without it. But--
. . . imagine what it would be like with more!

[Johnny2X2X]

18. The social safety net needs a complete overhaul in the US

Covid exposed one of the weakest parts of the social safety net here, the fact that our unemployment doesn't pay people enough to not be catastrophic to their finances should they not be able to work for a time. That's why we had supplements to it, so the economy wouldn't collapse.

Here in MI, the max unemployment is $362 a week before taxes. We recognized how that isn't enough during Covid, but then nothing was done to fix it going forward. In most Western Democracies, UE is enough that people don't go through a life changing event if they're out of work for 6 months, in the US, 6 months ruins people financially. UE needs to be 80% of your wages with a high cap.

Food assistance was increased for Covid, now it's falling back again. We recognized that all of these services were inadequate, and then we did nothing about it after Covid ebbed.

[Hortensis]

23. No, conservatives and liberals are alike in having empathy. Who don't are

true libertarians (by personality not just label); lack of empathy, or abnormally low levels, is at the base of their fundamental moral principle of individual liberty uber alles. They take that to various extremes, being against most-to-all taxes and regulations for instance. Fortunately there aren't very many of those.

One thing that's happening now is that libertarian ethos has been imposed by malign manipulators on the right, playing on conservative personality traits. The conservatives' naturally darker view of humanity makes them concerned that people who can go on welfare might defraud the system so they don't have to work -- rightly so. Some will! NOW, though, the notion is that most low-income people are unworthy and won't work and that just giving them money degrades them and society further.

But underneath are both smothered and wide open altrusim. Most will help, and many will do a great deal for each other and others they believe are "worthy." Giving through churches and organizations they trust is very common. They don't trust government programs that take money from hardworking people and distribute it to lazy people and lowlifes.

We need to know these things -- including that we have our big programs because moderate conservatives once helped make them possible, and that their kind still believe they're needed but need to be done "right."

Bad people aren't the only ones who can take advantage of conservative traits.

[UpInArms]

10. Were you buying perishables or pantry stock?

Last edited Wed Mar 9, 2022, 03:08 PM - Edit history (1)

If you were buying milk, bread, cheese, meat … you were feeding her family right now …

If you were buying, flour, sugar, canned goods, you will be feeding her family later this week/month …

Thank you for your kind heart

[Not Heidi]

12. All perishables

including a cooked chicken. Oh - except for the Coca-Cola. Everyone needs the pause that refreshes.