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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsTo all of DU: I am sorry I asked for help trying to reunite with my wife
As I write this, I literally have tears streaming down my face.
For all who have, words cannot express adequately how grateful I am. I've lived a two year nightmare and a lot of you have really come to bat for me. I wish there is something I can do to repay your kindness and a sincere, heartfelt thank and gratitude seems woefully inadequate.
But all this morning, I have been defending myself against people who think I am using this for ulterior motives. I have none. If the policies in China didn't change, I would have done this all myself.
I know I will never change anyone's mind who are convinced that I am not being honest.
1: Yes, I am going to a film festival in April. I paid for it out of my paycheck. I was under orders to keep it as cheap as possible so I can bring money from my salary back to China with me as I will not get paid there until September. Which I did by checking with her every single place I could stay.
2: 40% of my net pay goes to my wife in China every month, so I am literally living hand to mouth. As a teacher, I get $1537 every two weeks. Then I have bills, food, and gas. I haven't been out except to go to Tucson for business in months and the closest thing I get to "eating out" is a subway, Eegee's, or In and Out burger as I am driving either to or from Tucson.
3: I have limited medical care for fear that medical bills would hurt me.
4: I have gone nowhere since last June with was to Puerto Penasco in Mexico for a long weekend.
5: I am literally supporting myself, my wife, and her family on my paycheck right now. I asked no one to help me and I wouldn't accept it if they did.
I'm sorry people think I'm a fraud. I'm sorry for asking for help. It is my business and as such, it is my responsibility. But last night, when I video chatted with my wife, she smiled for the first time in a long time knowing I was coming home and we can finally start our family. She knows that men in my family don't normally live passed 65 and I am 43.
I hadn't seen my wife smile like that for a very long time. The last time I saw my wife face to face, she was crying and refusing to let me go at Pudong Airport. I still remember her video chatting me on the flight last year in Detroit, tears streaming down her face asking why they were doing this to her and that she was afraid to move because "they are watching me," then putting her phone camera over her should to see two male CBP officers glaring at her with their arms crossed. She quickly disconnected and didn't speak to me again until she was in Shanghai.
If people want to see the reason I did this, swallowed my pride, and asked for help, here it is:
Those are our official Chinese red marriage books. The ugly bald troll is me, the pretty Chinese woman with the long hair is my wife, Wei Huan 魏欢. That's why I set up a GFM. I had no where else to turn.
And now, I feel lower than lower for doing that after this morning. I need to take time away from DU. For all of those who helped me, words cannot express my undying love and gratitude for all of you. I wish I could do or say more.
So all of you know, I have setup an account at my Credit Union for all the GFM and other funds. It won't even go into my bank account and I gave my mother the account information and the card that came with it.
I'm sorry I put everything here through this. I really do feel like I am horrible person. I typed all of this with tears in my eyes.
alwaysinasnit
(5,038 posts)Elessar Zappa
(13,650 posts)I was happy to donate to you. I wish you and your wife nothing but happiness in the future.
Ocelot II
(115,280 posts)of ulterior purposes - that was cruel. I hope you can get back together with your wife soon. Don't leave DU on account of a few mean assholes.
niyad
(112,435 posts)wands that could help in so many dreadful situations. I am so sorry that you are being criticized and attacked. It makes me want to cry. Wishing you all the best.
Dorian Gray
(13,469 posts)It sounds like a lot, and I have sympathy for how bad things are for you.
I am going to give some advice here about posting. You can take it or ignore it, bc I'm totally an anonymous person and what I say shouldn't mean much to you.
But I think part of what is putting people's antennae up is the tragedy after tragedy after tragedy and over explaining of the situation. You have your GO Fund Me up there. If people want to donate, they should feel free. If your story is 100% as you state it, it's tragic and difficult and you're being forced to separate form your spouse in the middle of a pandemic. Horrible stuff. I know that desperation makes people do things that they wouldn't normally do. Assuming this is all on the up and up, I think you should take a deep breath, realize people have questions (for better or worse), and answering things without defensive posture is the best way to dispel doubts.
Angry and guilt inducing posts are going to raise more red flags for people.
bigtree
(85,919 posts)...by you asking for help here.
Certainly nothing to feel horrible about. Stay focused on your goal.
KarenS
(4,024 posts)Biophilic
(3,487 posts)sorry that some are accusing you of fraud. Don't let them get to you. You have been so strong, stay that way. Damn I'm tired of decent people being hurt. Hang in there.
Lochloosa
(16,019 posts)hlthe2b
(101,730 posts)that gives a chronological story of your struggles. Many may be reacting to confusion over what exactly has happened and I think that would help a lot.
AZLD4Candidate
(5,568 posts)1. https://www.democraticunderground.com/10389241
2. https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215855957
3. https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215871623
4. https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216029833
5. https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216147127
6. https://www.democraticunderground.com/100216320046
femmedem
(8,188 posts)I must have missed the thread where people accused you of being dishonest, but if I had, I would have had a lot to say about it. Most of us here are kind, but it doesn't take a lot of cyberbullying to make a person feel awful. I'm angry on your behalf because there's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. No one should be shamed for it.
Also: you are not an ugly troll. Your kindness shines through in that photo, and that makes you as beautiful as your wife. (Mr. Femmedem is bald, and I think he's beautiful, too.)
Tree Lady
(11,370 posts)Are not going to understand it.
In the 80's my husband was out of work and I was home with toddler and baby, we were living in bad side of town cheap and could barely afford food and sometimes had little. That only lasted a year but I will never forget it. On food stamps for that year and seeing how you are treated at store.
During that time I wrote to my rich cousins and begged for them to hire my husband. I never heard back from them republicans who believe you should pull yourself up. But I understand feeling desperate and how that desperation can scare people away.
Try to stay hopeful. Peace!
SheltieLover
(57,073 posts)Good luck to you.
Eric Feigl-Ding
@DrEricDing
· 1h
9) UPDATEthe 13-million population city of Shenzhen has locked down! With all non-essential enterprises stop operating, or required to work from home. Buses and subways all suspended. Govt services shut down except for epidemic essential staff. Holy shit.
https://ishare.ifeng.com/c/s/v006LBcjcBx5P--xcc--HYZv1mk8FDl1bRJGiivgHPYm-_g--enqKX1uH8FpSa4kJI2aLfNHV7WLYfQWyvDMxaCizZ4flg____?spss=np&channelId=&aman=d7Ibc8idd5naac1aecS98aA614H916G925ud097bd1
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AZLD4Candidate
(5,568 posts)main city. She says nothing is happening in her area or in the main city of Danyang. But it is all around them. Suzhou is also under COVID lockdown I believe, as is Changzhou.
PatSeg
(46,804 posts)Baltimike
(4,126 posts)All I can say is, "Please don't give in to assholes" The ones who donated to you and your cause want to be kept up to date. The ones that want to bother about it don't matter
XanaDUer2
(10,327 posts)Forum, where I get lots of support. However, last June, I got a concerning email on my ID alert, and I came here for more information, and immediately started being mocked by three shit-stirrers I've seen being assholes to other DUers in the past.
They're still here. I self-deleted the post because I could see they were building up a head of steam to escalate.
Sorry, bullying is wrong. Sorry that happened to you
shrike3
(3,283 posts)Why anyone would even bother to do something like that is beyond me.
XanaDUer2
(10,327 posts)I'll never understand that mentality
AZLD4Candidate
(5,568 posts)Cyber bullying is the newest thing and when someone doesn't like it, you get a mocking "triggered" reply.
shrike3
(3,283 posts)As I said on another post, friends of my ex-colleague are having great success with a fund raiser for her because they are dealing with people who are connected with her in some way. If you're on social media, make your GFM post shareable. That's what's happening with her, and everyone's sharing it.
I've been here a lot longer than my post count indicates. I've found it best not to take this place too seriously. For information, it's great. For emotional support -- not so much. It's a community of strangers. Not a criticism. Just an acknowledgement of reality.
edhopper
(33,208 posts)so sorry if this has been discussed.
I remember you saying part of the problem is our own government not recognizing your wife's status.And that your outreach to elected officials did not help.
Have you tried going to the Press. It is probably a long shot, but sometimes a news story can shame government workers to do the right thing.
Good luck with this, I hope it eventually works out.
AZLD4Candidate
(5,568 posts)I sent it to all media outlets and have been promptly ignored.
edhopper
(33,208 posts)Have you tried an national outlet like the NYT or WP
AZLD4Candidate
(5,568 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(11,563 posts)Just check the GFM for updates and take a break from this place for a short while to recharge. Sometimes I have to take short breaks and that works wonders for me. Also be liberal in your use of the ignore button. I sorry for what you're going through.
Torchlight
(3,236 posts)Try to avoid letting the lowest common denominators of the internet bring you down-- what we say reflects only who we are, not who others are.
AZLD4Candidate
(5,568 posts)Meowmee
(5,164 posts)I hope you raise the moeny soon and are reunited.
AZLD4Candidate
(5,568 posts)Right now, I have about $3500 from state tax refund, family, my assistant superintendent, and the GFM.
We're now in a holding pattern to see what fares will be in June.
As soon as I know, I can work with the school in China.
They just told me they wished all teachers were as proactive as I am. So there is light.
But the fares for May and June haven't been published yet. I am going back and my wife and will be together, even if we have to go outside of China to do it.
We both said if China can't happen, we'll go to Thailand (albeit for much less pay) and live there since they aren't as vindictive and horrible as the Chinese government is.
I have a standing offer to interview for a history position in a good international school in Phuket, but they require a face to face interview, so I am holding off because I really don't want to go there and NOT have a job there.
Meowmee
(5,164 posts)That sounds good. Maybe Thailand would be better overall but whatever works best. A colleague of mine was going to go to China as a visiting prof. but I think he never did due to the pandemic starting right when he would have been going. There are many countries I would never go to even given the opportunity.
betsuni
(25,137 posts)AZLD4Candidate
(5,568 posts)Same with all other contracts I've signed in other countries.
BUT. . .it's only up to $2500. In normal times, that would be enough to go to and back if I so desired. But, with the rule change, it covers about 30% to 45% of the fare.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)Ive booked flights a year in advance.
obamanut2012
(25,911 posts)Into major China airports in June and had no issue.
BlackSkimmer
(51,308 posts)Demovictory9
(32,324 posts)Treefrog
(4,170 posts)threads.
Somehow they never end well. Not sure why.