Everyone Keeps Saying How Will Laughed At First

[usedtobedemgurl]

Last edited Mon Mar 28, 2022, 09:52 AM - Edit history (1)

Yes, he did, because sometimes, at public events, you pretend everything is great, but handle it afterwards. My theory is Will was trying to laugh and pretend everything was ok, but then he looked at Jada and she was not playing along that it was all good.

In this society, but especially in Hollywood, there are certain things that give an actress value. Heck, even in the regular world those things give a woman value. I cannot give you a top three list of what makes me feel physically valued, because there are only two for me - my breasts and my hair.

Before I got married, I showed my husband a photo of women who had had mastectomies. I asked if I got breast cancer, could he stand to be with me, if I had no breasts.

Is that superficial? Yeah, but if you think the world is not superficial, you have not opened your eyes.

I cannot begin to imagine Jada’s life. Her kids, her husband and her job. With a disease that outwardly affects you, the way her hair loss has, you will lose friends, just because they find it awkward to be around you. All the time, you lie to yourself and others about how strong you are and how you are handling it just fine. You lie to everyone, including your husband. Sometimes it is because you are afraid if you tell someone, you will break down and never recover. Sometimes it is being ashamed you are not as strong as you feel you should be.

I believe what you saw was a guy trying to laugh it off until later. He looked over, and he could see the pain someone he loved so very much and the pain cut through Will. He could see a small bit into what Jada had been experiencing.

I am not going to get into whether what he did was correct. I just kept seeing people saying, “He was laughing until he wasn’t.” That makes me think those people have not fully thought out the moment and all the struggles that came before, as well as he may not even have known.

I do not have what Jada has. I have something much different. Until I started taking my significant other to dr appointments, because I was told I could not drive, my guy had no idea of everything I was going through. I kept it from him, because of many reasons. My guy was dumbstruck by what I had not told him.

I can only guess, but I assume Will had no true idea until that particular moment. Maybe this explains why he laughed but then did not?

[usedtobedemgurl]

5. That was not what my writing was addressing...

It was addressing people (a lot of people here) who say Will laughed before he didn’t. As I stated, I was not addressing Will getting up and punching Chris. Not at all. It is people who seemed to think Will thought it was funny at first. Because he was laughing, or retesting to laugh, does not mean he thought it was funny.

It was also a deeply thought out post about society and why a woman might usually try to keep up appearances even though, like me, she may be dying inside.

Please point out, in my op, where I say how Will ultimately handled the situation was right or wrong.

My post was supposed to be an inside look at some women, as well as why their mates may not even realize, because ho back to my look at women and society.

[usedtobedemgurl]

16. If my guy laughed when I admitted to a dr

I have suicidal thoughts, due to my physical pain or that I have hallucinations which are natural, according to one of the eight professionals treating me? Hmm, yeah, I might punch him at that point!!!!

I am elated you or someone close to you has never let society have an affect on how they feel about themselves or their self worth. I hope you and yours are never touched by it.

Passing it off lightly, as different people are different, says more about you than about me. Only what I say reflects on me.

[usedtobedemgurl]

25. How do I even reply to something that is not what I wrote about?

White supremacy? Where? How? Why? What???????

If you do not know how it is making light, I will not fight with a troll. This is very real for me.

I am glad you picked up where I am offended by hugs. Most people are not as perceptive as you.

I have been and am going through a lot. By the end of today, I will have been treated by thirteen different professionals, while currently being served by eight. This is my last reply to you. My post was meant to help people who do not see these things. Reply again and do not expect a reply from me, I will block.

Namaste

[Alexander Of Assyria]

26. Better way is realize it's a show at a show about shows...and worry about Ukraine and WW3 instead.

[Alexander Of Assyria]

29. Tempest in a tea pot versus actual tempest. Fake stuff for amusement versus real stuff thst matters.

[Alexander Of Assyria]

63. I never been to Hollywood but can comment on films just like the 22 threads on DU. Lol

[Brainstormy]

2. whatever.

I think he behaved like a classless a-hole. It was a freaking joke! And why anyone would be offended by being compared to Demi Moore, bald or not, is beyond me.

[usedtobedemgurl]

6. Whatever Indeed....

Instead of seeing someone lay bare their soul and try to see what may have been happening, you chose the easy route - not one thing you wrote was addressing what I wrote. I never mentioned the punch and, in fact, went out of my way to say my post had nothing to do with that.

[Brainstormy]

8. alopecia is not a disability

is that better? And being compared to Demi Moore is not an insult.

[usedtobedemgurl]

11. I was replying to sheshe

[usedtobedemgurl]

18. Sorry, when I said who I was replying to it was cross thread

No, it is a sickness. But so have seen others refer to it as a disability - just do not care enough to look it up.

[usedtobedemgurl]

19. And, again, not one thing you wrote

Addressed my writing. So there is that.

[catsudon]

20. also within the past two hours

i learn that 80% of men suffers alopecia

so i wonder if we will stop doing dr. evil jokes on bezos?

also if it is traction alopecia, it would be self inflicted, not genetic.

[LisaL]

45. I don't know who told you that, but 80% of men do not suffer from alopecia.

Alopecia is an auto immune condition.
Many men lose hair but not because they have alopecia.

[catsudon]

66. from nih

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24566563/

Androgenetic alopecia (AGA) is the most common form of alopecia, affecting up to 80% of men and 50% of women in the course of their life. AGA is caused by a progressive reduction in the diameter, length and pigmentation of the hair. Hair thinning results from the effects of the testosterone metabolite dehydrotestosterone (DHT) on androgen-sensitive hair follicles. In women, AGA produces diffuse thinning of the crown region with maintenance of the frontal hairline (Ludwig pattern AGA).

[panader0]

36. IN "G I Jane" Demi Moore is shaved bald.

[Brainstormy]

37. and so is Jada.

by choice. Guess I'm missing something here. The point I'm trying to make, regardless of the reason for the baldness, is that being compared to gorgeous, badass, Demi Moore in GI Jane is NO INSULT. As things turned out, it was an unfortunate joke. But it was still a freaking joke.

[panader0]

48. The "joke" was about a serious issue that Jada has. Not funny, obviously, to Will.

[Brainstormy]

77. I don't think it was about her condition but simply about

her appearance and her similarity to GI Jane. At any rate, you're entitled to your opinion and we're beating dead horses now.

[malaise]

4. Great post

Rec

[usedtobedemgurl]

7. Thank you!

I had to dig deep to write it, and it hurts when people go straight to the punch, when it had absolutely nothing to do with that. It was about society and the effects it has on many females and how we act. It was trying to understand human nature. Thank you, malaise.

[obamanut2012]

10. He was there for the rehearsal the day before -- he knew about the joke

And, so what? You do not have a right to assault someone.

[usedtobedemgurl]

14. Absolutely not.

Can you please point out where I said it was, or where my post was about the actual physical punch. By the way, do they ever change jokes from practice or even improv some? But, again, my thread was about the dignity, or lack of, in women.

[snowybirdie]

12. I've seen the posts

here saying it was justified or it was horrible. I'm backing those who have written that have this disease and they were hurt by the "joke". That's enough for me. Don't hurt people.

[BlackSkimmer]

58. You must have never watched any awards show with Ricky Gervais hosting.

Or Don Rickles back in the day. Or the WH Correspondents dinner.

As far as I know, no one has ever attacked a comedian for a joke before. And then the immature bully had to stand up and cry like a baby, and he still never apologized to Chris Rock.

Totally overshadowed the next nominee receiving an award.

I used to be a fan of Smith. He totally showed who he was last night.

[Raine]

13. Definitely understand your point and agree with you

thank you for a well thought out post.

[Scottie Mom]

15. Well stated. Thank you for your thread.

You dug deep for this.

[Mike Nelson]

17. Well...

... agree with the acting/laughing part. Yes, that's normal. Celebrities do it all the time... It's part of the Act. But when you reach that level of wealth and celebrity - and Will Smith is there - you also learn how Not to Act. You know where the cameras are... you learn how to control your public emotion. He should have mastered this, by now... he's not new to the Games. In Will's acceptance speech - he could have cleaned it up... he probably meant to... but he made it worse. Sorry that God chose him to defend his family... I think there are problems we don't know about... Smith family problems. Also, Jada was breathtakingly beautiful. And, Chris Rock was more tame than usual.

[usedtobedemgurl]

23. Thank you for your well thought out post.

I was trying to explain to those who said he laughed at first, before he went up and threw a punch. It was about being human and, as a woman, you put up a lot of fronts. It was a note to those who felt Will laughed at first, so wtf happened? Those are people who may not have had an inside track to a women’s mind, as I dared to share today. It was about figuring out a female mind may be so much more gentle than anyone near to them realizes. It was about us seeing a moment played out in public (Will laughing and Jada’s stunned look - not the punch) that is about as intimate as it can get. It is about thinking you are both going along in lockstep, only, at that moment, looking over and seeing she has lost two wheels and may be about to lose the third.


There is not a single doubt in my mind that Jada went home, his in a corner and cried.

Yes, Will could have acted like nothing is wrong and kept laughing, just like Jada had been all along. Thing is, Will was blindsided. When he looked at her and saw the true pain he had never seen, in Jada’s soul, he was caught off guard in many ways - how could he not know? How could she not tell him? Etc.

And as in my original post, I will not go beyond the realization, because this post is about what goes on behind the closed doors of women’s minds and how society can contribute to that. Nothing more. That moment where Will truly saw Jada is where it ends. I will not debate reactions, as that is not what I wrote about.

[Raster]

64. Not a good look for someone that's supposedly a high-level Scientologist...

... and supposedly so focused that he is above the fray.

[LittleGirl]

21. Your post really hit home for me

I agree with many of your points. Having a disease that affects your appearance may cause you to lose friends because it’s awkward.

I have lived that sentence not knowing for sure why. But awkward is probably the best explanation. And just in January, I had a cancerous tumor removed from my chest so that hit home.

You mentioned how taking your spouse to your doctor appointment really opened his eyes. Same thing happened to us. He became super supportive after the experience.

That’s what I saw happen right before he marched on stage and slapped the stupid out of Rocks’ mouth. My spouse is non violent but he’ll make you regret saying something insensitive and mean. It wasn’t a joke anymore. It stung that he was protecting his love. I totally get it.

Apparently we’re a minority. That’s sad.

[seta1950]

59. No you're not

Believe it or not , I understand what you meant and it’s right.

[LittleGirl]

74. Thanks! nt

[Duppers]

24. K&R

[twodogsbarking]

27. You can watch skydiving and read about it but until you have actually

suffered from depression you don't know what it is like.
This applies to other problems too.
You post shows much strength.

[Pacifist Patriot]

31. Thank you

This girl gets it. All too well.

[JuJuChen]

32. my thoughts on it

1.)Rock likely didn't know the origin of Jada's baldness, but it was still a terrible joke. Female hair loss is a hard no off-limits topic. You don't even mention it let alone joke about it.
2.)Someone else likely wrote the joke and Rock just read it. Still not an excuse.
3.)Will's initial reaction was to laugh at the joke.
4.)Will "turned on" the outrage once he saw that Jada was aggravated.
5.)Rock thought it was a bit, he even stuck his face out before Will slapped him. It looked like he was expecting a hug or a fake punch.
6.)Will's yelling from the seat was 100% him acting. He had to make a scene out of it, it was not spontaneous.
7.)Smith should have been escorted from the building immediately. The worst fallout from this will be people seeing there are no consequences for violence.
8.)They should have just announced Will's award and moved on with the show. Giving him spotlight and adulation after that made it all worse.
9.)Everyone is talking about the Oscars now and 12 hours ago no one gave a shit.

[forgotmylogin]

61. If they were offended, they should have just immediately left.

The optics would have been better and on their side if they'd have just made a dignified exit. The press would have been on fire if he'd walked out on the award and correctly focused against Rock and the Oscar speechwriters.

Even after that display, hanging around to pick up a trophy was not a good look.

[forgotmylogin]

70. Agreed. Headlines should be celebrating CODA and Ariana DeBose

Breaking barriers for marginalized communities and not Will Smith overshadowing.

[FailureToCommunicate]

42. Agree. AND the sad fact that the incident stole the limelight from CODA and all the

other deserving awards' attention.

[Sunsky]

34. I really don't care whether he laughed or not

I grew up watching the guy. I respected his role in Hollywood. There is no justification for his vile act last night. I don't believe Chris knew about her illness. Will could have maturely used this as a teachable moment with the okay of his wife, of course. Jada is the one with the disease and she didn't get up and smack anyone. All now we haven't heard Jada's opinion. Look at her actions vs his.

[usedtobedemgurl]

39. Right, so you are not the one I am addressing....

I was addressing those who said Will laughed at first. You did not care if he laughed or not. You wanted to skip to the physical actions of the night. And that is ok. If you already know, or do not care to know, what some women go through in our society (or maybe you have seen someone go through it), then this post was not directed at you , because either you do not care, you do not know or you already know.

I was only talking to those who watched and the scene only started for them when Will walked up to the stage. Will laughed, so of course the joke was nothing! How on earth could he make anything of it, when he saw how funny it really was.

I did not see one post about societal affects on women in general and those who have been through something. I felt bringing that subject to the table could make it easier on some women in the future and now. Maybe someone’s wife/mother/grandmother/best friend is going through something. That person could bring this thread up to that person. It could start a real dialog, which would make the person not feel so lonely. It may not change the world, but if it helps just one person, then that is good enough for me. We hardly ever have a chance to make big changes in the world, but we can do a lot with small changes. ❤️

[usedtobedemgurl]

51. No, neither was a lie.

When my boys were small, I taught them to drop pennies on the ground. I told them I have never seen anyone ick up a coin and been sad. Most of the time it is a child and they are joyful. I told them this teaches us we can do very small things and change the world for the better.

I have always believed this. I went from coins to telling my boys to look around a parking lot and see what we could do to make someone’s day better.

The Christmas gift my ex and I had for each other, every year, was to take a hundred dollars and see who could “spend” it best, to change the world. It could be a tip, donating to a family tragedy in the paper or a homeless person on the corner. It came in a lot of different combinations, but each time it was the intention of changing things for the better.

Buddha taught that to pick up a hot coal to throw at your enemies, will only burn you. Why would I wish bad on someone, their friends or their enemies? That would change the world for the worse. Imagine if I all out attacked a poster. They are upset and go out to go to the grocery store. They are on the phone and getting in a fight with their sister, due to the bad mood I put them in. The driver hits someone and kills them. The sister is in a mad mood, because of the sibling, mouths off to her spouse and gets punched. Did I directly do the accident or the punch? No, but if I had acted in a better way and not wished harm, this hurting someone I do not even know, all those things would not have happened.

Always think about who you want to be and act in that way, so you may become that person. I want the world to truly be better. I act in that way. I have not lied. I would wonder why I, or anyone, would wish bad things upon people. Isn’t a nicer world a better world?

[usedtobedemgurl]

56. Why would someone be happy over another

Person’s misery? I already said no and you ask, again, if it is a lie. Why would someone want someone else to suffer?

Violins? Namaste. I am blocking because we can only cause each other hurt if we continue, and I do want the best for you. May you and yours find nothing but happiness. Now and always. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Sunsky]

52. Sorry, but the post is for everyone who reads DU.

And anyone can choose to respond to what you chose to post (any part of it). I will reiterate, where is Jada's (the sufferer) voice in this discussion? Have you ever thought that Will's actions may have brought her unwanted attention and could have added more to her pain? It could have brought her great embarrassment. I understand that you want to bring attention to those women who suffer through society's ridicule and how it impacts their daily lives. However, in doing so you've overlooked what impact an overzealous husband may have on his wife. I've dealt with both issues professionally.

[randr]

43. I think it was a strike against the producers and writers who planned a show

where all the presenters did stand up. Chris did not necessarily write the "joke".

[Wahyee]

44. My guess is he laughed then realized his wife wasn't laughing

then channeled his shame/embarrassment into violence.

There is no excuse for his conduct.

[kacekwl]

46. Sometimes you deserve

a slap to the face. Just because you're a comedian doesn't give you a pass.

[Escurumbele]

50. My two cents...I believe you are correct, Will was in a different situation than many of us have

never been. He knew the TV was on him, he was at an awards show, he was happy about being nominated, and sometimes the circumstances slow down your reaction, and the fact that someone is making fun of someone you love when millions of people are watching can slow down your reaction as well, so when you say "he laughed when he didn't" I can understand that.

I believe many of us have been in situations when someone does the unexpected, they say or do something to you that offends you but you don't react, once you walk out the anger starts building up and you either go back and get things straighten up, or you go home angry.

I am the type who goes back if I did not react when I needed to react, I have done it a few times.

The way I see it is that you are in a moment of happiness, you are not expecting anyone to interfere with that happiness, and when it happens it catches you off guard, your world starts spinning and you don't know how to react, until the world stops spinning and your adrenaline kicks in, then you react.

I did not watch the Oscars, too many TV commercials, got fed up of it, but if Chris Rock got slapped for making fun of his wife, he deserved it. I have never liked it when comedians get personal, there are plenty of things to talk about, to make fun of without getting personal. I don't know what Chris Rock said, but I have to think that he crossed the line for Will Smith to get on stage and slap him.

[SYFROYH]

53. Here's why it is important -- Will wasn't defenidng his wife. He was defending himself from his wife

Will is open-mouthed laughing at the joke and Jada looked angry about the joke.

Will is busted and the only way he can redeem himself in his wife's eyes is the lay hands on Chris Rock.

They've been open about their marriage and Jada can do whatever she wants to Will, but I don't think Will can do what he wants. I don't think Will was afraid of Jada physically, but of her wrath.

[ificandream]

54. My feelings....

First, my heart goes out to you. I had a similar situation in my life. My wife is doing great now, but she went through a few months of rough going. I'm not sure I was as supportive as I could have been, but I gladly drove her to doctor's appointments when she needed them. But like I said, she's doing great now.

As for what happened last night, I now think Smith should have walked out. He still could have yelled at Rock, but slapping him was just moronic. In the initial frenzy when we were all trying to figure out what the hell had happened, I wasn't really sure. But really, he and his wife should have left. Yeah, he was nominated, but I think it would have said more to the Academy if he had walked out.

[usedtobedemgurl]

72. I have tried not to inject an opinion of

Right and wrong, as far as the punch goes. My post was never meant to be about this.

This post was about expectations. Societies’ expectations. Our own expectations. Other people’s expectations.

All I have heard is how well Jada handled her illness. I saw videos with her smiling. There is an expectation she would make strong videos and not break down about emotional pain.

Sometimes we lead the expectations with how we have put ourselves out in the world.

Sometimes our fear of losing everything, if we are perceived as weak, makes us put up a strong front.

The list is as endless as there are people, with little bits mixed in here and there.

I am so glad your wife is better. Good on you being such a supportive husband. I am lucky to have the support I do in my life. I hope your wife’s good health follow her all of her days.

[Raster]

60. What will smith did was NOT CORRECT, in any shape, form or fashion.

smith* should have been escorted from the premises then and there. smith* should NOT be invited back next year.

And do not forget: these people live their lives in public view, and are HANDSOMELY COMPENSATED.

Toxic masculinity front and center. And I won't be watching any more will smith movies.

[usedtobedemgurl]

68. This post stopped where Will walked up to the stage.

I never made any renderings about right or wrong on what happened on the stage - on Will’s or Chris’ side. This was about the strength, or lack thereof, of women. How some of us have to fake it. How some of us keep things secret, because we feel we have to. Some of us are found out at ceremonies, doctor’s offices or some other place.

This post was about people misunderstanding why Will could laugh but then punch someone. This is about the nuances kept from family and friends. Things kept even from the closest of us.

I have heard so much about how Jada did not care about what she was going through. How happy she was. How strong she was. But in that one moment, the moment that camera was on her, I connected. I knew her truth was my truth and the truth of so many others. That is what those who say, but he laughed at first, did not experience. Will saw it. I saw it. Many others saw it. It screamed above all else. I could hear nothing else.

[Goddessartist]

65. Thank you

Thank you for this.

[usedtobedemgurl]

69. Thank you.....

And namaste.

[Traildogbob]

73. Sorry for all

The abuse you are taking here. The simple point made was Will did laugh at first, and when he saw the hurt and disbelief on Jada’s face, it triggered an outrage in Will. That can be seen in the footage. Not excusing his violence at all. If Rock knew of the condition, he was WAY out of line.
The sad thing about this is it will dominate MSM, and Ginni Thomas will fade away and become another unpunished attack on the country.
I think after Kanye stormed the stage on Taylor Swift, maybe security should have been upped at all awards shows.
Will’s daughter has since posted, “that’s how it’s handled in our house”.
And all those saying it was out of love, that is the exact belief and excuse from women in an abusive relationships.
Again sorry for your abuse. There seems to be all out attacks in differing opinions here lately. Our whole society is becoming intolerant, outraged of simple crap, and abusing. Especially when hiding behind a keyboard. Did not start with trump. He is the self proclaimed warrior of the hate that really went off the chain with President Obama.
And now we are on the verge of a bloody deadly attack on each other right here, and nuclear iniststiin in extremely near.
Rats in a cage on the verge of death and eating each other’s carcasses.
I wish the attacks would cool down here, but I’m not delusional.
Hope you make it a great day. Many cheers to ya.