Please Respect My Right to Privacy While I Completely Destroy Yours (McSweeney's)

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

Tweet text:

Timothy McSweeney
@mcsweeneys
"Protestors are surrounding my house and keeping me up at night, which is when I like to spend some quiet time alone, away from my conscience. So I am writing this to ask a favor: please respect my right to privacy while I completely destroy yours."

mcsweeneys.net
Please Respect My Right to Privacy While I Completely Destroy Yours
“Activists supporting abortion rights demonstrated Monday night outside Justice Samuel Alito’s house to protest the possible reversal of the landma...
11:35 AM · May 10, 2022

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/please-respect-my-right-to-privacy-while-i-completely-destroy-yours


“Activists supporting abortion rights demonstrated Monday night outside Justice Samuel Alito’s house to protest the possible reversal of the landmark 1973 Roe v. Wade decision, following similar rallies at the homes of other Supreme Court justices over the weekend.” — NBC News, 5/10/22

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I’m a Supreme Court justice with strong opinions about other people’s bodies, and a lot of you aren’t respecting my personal space right now. Protestors are surrounding my house and keeping me up at night, which is when I like to spend some quiet time alone, away from my conscience. So I am writing this to ask a favor: please respect my right to privacy while I completely destroy yours.

I get it, you’re upset with me because I’m on the verge of overturning Roe v. Wade, which ruled that the right to choose whether to have an abortion is protected by a constitutional right to privacy. But I still expect everyone who isn’t me to respect my right to privacy. Does that make sense? Eh, doesn’t matter—I’m an illegitimate philosopher-king cloaked in immense power and a stupid robe. I can do whatever I want. You can’t, though.

It’s pretty simple: I deeply disapprove of the people who are peaceably assembling to petition me for a redress of grievances. And sure, that may be what is word-for-word allowed by the First Amendment, but I’m the guy who gets to interpret the amendments, and I say that one sucks. Sue me! You can’t.

You might ask, “What are we supposed to do, then, to show our disapproval?” And to that I’d say, like a total jackass, “Vote!”

And you might ask, “But what if the person we vote for gets way more votes, but they still don’t become president, and then the other guy packs the highest court in the country with radical minority viewpoints?” And to that I’d say, completely making shit up, “That’s democracy!”

*snip*

[Irish_Dem]

1. If women have no privacy, neither do the men.

[Nevilledog]

2. It's only fair.

[Irish_Dem]

3. I already lived in a time of serious inequality.

Not doing it again.

Whatever the men do the women, they need to get the same treatment.

[Duppers]

4. If only Republicans..

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Gosh, if only Republicans were affected by irony.