Mitch McConnell: 'Get Your Crying Done Now Because We're Not Passing Shit'

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

WASHINGTON—In a press conference addressing the community of Uvalde, TX, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell reportedly urged those affected Thursday to get their crying done now because he wouldn’t be passing shit. “Go ahead and shed some tears, trot out the families of the victims, do whatever the fuck you’re going to do, and then we’re going to go back to pretending none of this happened,” said McConnell, urging the nation to go online and post whatever little impassioned rants or photographs of the bereaved they had, since he and his fellow lawmakers had decided their response to all of this would continue to be absolutely fucking nothing. “And yes, we know the parents of the victims will be burying 19 young children in the coming few weeks. Seriously, none of it matters to us. I don’t know how to make it any clearer. We simply couldn’t care less.” At press time, McConnell had returned to the podium to add that his thoughts and prayers were, of course, with the community and the grieving families.

https://www.theonion.com/mitch-mcconnell-get-your-crying-done-now-because-we-r-1848977425

[BumRushDaShow]

1. That ain't even

Onion-worthy. It's a facualt!!!

[TheRealNorth]

2. I know it's the Onion, but it's pretty spot-on.

The response from Republicans, that is.

[MontanaMama]

3. Holy shit. You got me.

This is probably closer to the truth than we'd like.

[Bettie]

4. Satire is dead

because I had to check. It is utterly within the realm of things McTurtle would say.

[Buckeyeblue]

5. Sometimes the truth is satire

I would rather he give this speech. At least he would be telling the truth.

[Novara]

6. Not far from the truth, this. Because:

Link to tweet

[Emile]

7. As always the Onion skirts the truth.

[barbtries]

8. i remember when gwbush was the worst president ever.

the onion did a story i have never forgotten i laughed so hard. the headline: "President Bush Addresses Nation in Tears After Watching Field of Dreams"

this is not funny at all. It's just the part they don't say out loud.

i love the Onion.

[Wounded Bear]

9. Not all satire is funny, nor should it be...nt

[uponit7771]

10. Onion be SPOT ON !!

[SWBTATTReg]

11. I know that this is the Onion, but jesus, it sure hit home pretty damn well, and nailed it

to exactly what the republicans would say and do.

Maybe it's time for all of us to do a BETO, get into their faces, just like we're doing w/ the Supreme Court in trying to sneak overturning Roe.