Rep. Jack Kimble's brilliant parody of gun fetish apologists

[Nevilledog]

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This morning, I wanted to extend my most devout prayers and deepest thoughts to the victims of the bear maulings at Heritage Village Retirement Community and their friends and loved ones. This was a terrible and senseless tragedy that could not have been avoided.

Predictably, my opponent has tried to bring politics into this time of grieving demanding that we no longer permit live bears to be part of pet days at retirement homes and calling for other radical measures to address a few tragic but isolated incidents.

With the exception of the truly unfortunate events of 2014, over the past decade we have never had more than 8 maulings in a single year. Our country is 250 years old and never has it found it necessary to ban bears from retirement homes.

That’s because our founding fathers knew about a little something called freedom. Yes, every retirement home should have guards with tranquilizer guns and of course they should have drills so residents can protect themselves from runaway bears.

At the same time we can’t allow a small number of isolated bear attacks to take away our freedom. This is not the time for radical liberal solutions that won’t even stop a determined kodiak or grizzly.

We need to look at why these bear attacks keep happening. I hate to say it, but we need to look at ourselves as a society. Why do so many bears seen mmm more violent today? Is it a sign of mental illness or a lack of Christian values in their upbringing.

Now is not the time for doing something about bear attacks. It is time for coming together with thoughts, prayers, and platitudes because I do know one thing, I represent the greatest, most God-fearing district in this whole country.

One thing to think about, if we criminalize taking bears into retirement homes, then only criminals will be able to take bears into retirement homes.

Thanks so much for the kind responses, they have overwhelmed me. Unfortunately, I just can’t keep up. I will try and come back and read them all when I have time.
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[love_katz]

1. This is perfect.

The bromide about "the lack of Christian moral values in their upbringing " is particularly on target. I am not real skilled at embedding images or cross posting links, but the pictures of the Earth Day and Easter ads from Daniel Defense make it crystal clear what kind of fanatical religious values that the gun humping Bible thumpers are really promoting.

[Midnight Writer]

2. We need more good bears to protect us from the bad bears.