Texas Passes Mandatory 24-Hour Waiting Period Before Police Can Engage Active Shooters

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

https://www.theonion.com/texas-passes-mandatory-24-hour-waiting-period-before-po-1849009081


AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to address rising gun violence in the state, Texas legislators passed a new law Friday mandating that police wait 24 hours before engaging with active shooters. “Deciding whether or not to respond to an active shooting is an extremely serious decision for any police officer to make, and we want to ensure that all Texas law enforcement officers have ample time to think it through,” said Gov. Greg Abbott, who added that the 24-hour waiting period, which would begin the moment dispatchers received their first 911 call, would help police be “100% certain” that protecting the public was prudent. “Before rushing into a school or church to stop a massacre, police will be required to wait a full 24 hours, never acting a minute sooner. They’ll also be subject to mandatory counseling with their peers in the parking lot so they can fully recognize the risks involved with attempting to save lives. We wouldn’t want them to do something in the heat of the moment that they’d regret, like taking out the shooter.” At press time, Abbott added that each additional 911 call authorities received would restart the waiting period.





Getting harder and harder to suss out Satire.

[Karadeniz]

1. Whew!! I kept looking for an Onion reference... glad to find it! The pathetic thing is that the

Onion is good because it's plausible...

[sop]

2. What would we do without The Onion?

[Faux pas]

3. Lol

I almost wasn't surprised

[nycbos]

4. Don't know whether to laugh or cry

[LetMyPeopleVote]

5. I love good satire

The Onion is always amusing

[Baitball Blogger]

6. That's going to leave a mark.

[TeamProg]

7. Hilarious! and Spot On !!

[dalton99a]

8. Kick

[riversedge]

9. oh the Onion out does itself again.

[Hugh_Lebowski]

10. The cops should have to undergo some kind of invasive cavity search as well

[asa4ever]

11. I hope Abbott doesn't read it and decide that it is a good idea.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

12. Makes sense when you think about it.

Before acting, need to know if they are watering the tree of liberty or not. Wouldn’t want to step on any 2nd Amendment rights.

[Probatim]

13. The final sentence is the harshest for Abbott.

It sure seemed like the police were waiting for all the 911 calls from the children to stop before they entered.

[erronis]

14. Why don't we just deputize the police as undertakers? Then they'll have something to do...

Not sure they'd be good at cleaning up all the little messes. They don't really like blood very much.

[Brainfodder]

15. Next up: Republican Leadership is hard working for and honest with the people!

WTG The Onion!

[SergeStorms]

16. It was a toss-up....

Borowitz or the Onion. Borowitz or the Onion. Borowitz or the Onion.

The Onion won. Very well done.

[Historic NY]

17. seems plausible

[calimary]

18. I was hoping this was satire from somewhere or other

but I’m never sure anymore.

[Joinfortmill]

19. Not funny.

[burrowowl]

20. Kick!