UK Shan't Have Boris Johnson To Punt In The Bollocks, Anon, Mayhap!

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

https://www.wonkette.com/uk-won-t-have-boris-johnson-to-kick-around-any-more-pretty-soon-at-least

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced his resignation today, following the resignations of roughly three million (or 60) members of his cabinet in recent days in the wake of a tawdry willy-grabbing scandal and Johnson's generally chaotic tenure in office. In a speech outside 10 Downing Street, Johnson offered such wisdom as "No one is remotely indispensable" in politics, and "Them's the breaks," yes really. He didn't bother apologizing for any of the decisions he'd made in office, or for scandals like his parties at Number 10 during lockdown, or his constantly changing stories about when he first found out former House of Commons Whip Chris Pincher was a sex pest.

Instead, he blamed his Conservative Party for being a bunch of cattle, explaining that he'd argued it would be "eccentric to change governments" when he was doing such a bangers-and-mash job, but "as we've seen in Westminster, the herd instinct is powerful when the herd moves, it moves." Johnson did not specify what particular species of livestock of which his party consists.

A parody Twitter account for Larry, the Downing Street cat who'll soon be on his fourth prime minister since he took up residence when David Cameron held the office, offered Larry's services as caretaker PM until Johnson is replaced.

The account, we'll add, is not connected to any official British agency. See what happens when you get your hopes up?

Technically, Johnson has only resigned as head of the Conservative Party; he'll formally remain prime minister until his party chooses a new leader in a process that we'd like to think involves a farcical game of croquet played with flamingos as mallets. Honestly, it's nowhere near that interesting, according to this rundown from CNN; all told, it's likely to take anywhere from a few weeks to even months.

*snip*

[enid602]

1. Boris

He’ll be forever known as being responsible for breaking up the UK, albeit about 100 years too late.