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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsBREAKING NEWS: Trump makes impromptu 2024 announcement as federal agents search his estate
Approximately 20 minutes after first receiving word that his Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Florida was in the process of being searched by FBI agents pursuant to a court-executed search warrant, former President Donald Trump formally announced he was seeking the Republican nomination for President in 2024.
Attempting to recapture the atmosphere of his original campaign announcement back in June 2015, Trump was seen once again descending down the golden escalator in his Manhattan office tower. A lone staffer stood behind him, holding up his phone upright and playing Neil Youngs Rockin in the Free World at maximum volume, until it was interrupted by a paid ad for eczema relief medication. Down at the base of the escalator, several employees of the Trump Ice Cream Parlor were marshalled out by Trump staff, who forcibly placed red Make America Great Again hats on their heads and instructed them to act as loyal supporters.
The former President took to a podium featuring a white cardboard placard with Trump 2024 crudely written on it in black Sharpie marker. Wearing a white Trump National Golf Club Bedminster golf shirt featuring what appeared to be several prominent ketchup stains on it, staffers quickly placed a black blazer over Trumps shoulders and a loosely knotted red necktie around his neck as he begun his speech.
Today, at this moment, this very moment right now, exactly right now, I am announcing that I am once again seeking to become your President in order to make America great again, Trump declared. And of course, that means I am now officially by law and under threat of prosecution for treason exempt and immune from any sort of fake and phony law enforcement investigation of any kind, and that anyone wishing to conduct some ridiculous and baseless witch hunt must stop immediately.
I mean, as in right this very second, he added to affect.
When one of the few members of the media who had managed to arrive at Trump Towergiven the short notice of the announcementasked Trump as to what possible basis he had to make such a claim, the former President retorted that it was in the Constitution and that a lot of people dont know its in the Constitution, but its right there, right next to, you know, that other thing.
One awkward moment occurred early on when Trump turned to acknowledge his family, only to realize that the only individual present was his younger daughter Tiffany, who appeared to have been brought on stage by Trumps handlers without any prior knowledge or awareness as to why she was there.
Oh, great, they brought f__g Tiffany, my least favorite kid, the former President remarked, seemingly unaware that his comments were being captured by the microphone. Tiffany. Great f__g job, guys. Really great. You couldnt have tried a little harder to get someone in my family who actually f__g matters? Whatever. Lets just get this done with, okay?
It was later learned that Trumps older daughter Ivanka was in Cayman Islands with her husband, Jared Kushner; eldest son Donald Trump, Jr. was reportedly vacationing in Culiacan, Mexico while his brother Eric was spending the week at Six Flags Great Adventure amusement park in nearby Jackson, New Jersey.
Reports say that Trumps wife Melania could not make the announcement due to a previously scheduled conflict with her tennis pro lessons, and their son Barron simply expressed no interest in leaving his room to be at his fathers side for the event.
Expectedly, Trumps speech was rather light on policy specifics, with one notable exception, as he expressed a desire to defund the police.
But you know, just those ones, Trump quickly added. You know, the ones down there now. Down there at Mar-a-Lago. Defund them. Like right now, okay? Time for them to go home. Time for them to go bye-bye.
Trump also took time to attack potential GOP rivals for the 2024 nomination, although he appeared to struggle to come up with some of his patented nicknames that he frequently likes to give opponents.
Lets face it, I am the only one in the Republican Party who stands a chance to beat Old Sleepy Joe Biden in 2024, the former President proclaimed. Who else could they possibly get? Ron DeSantis? Ron
Ron
um
Ron...Ronny
Runny
Little Runny Ronny DeSantis? Give me a break.
Despite the haphazard and impromptu nature of the announcement, Trump nonetheless managed to speak for roughly two and a half hours in rambling, scattershot fashion, covering a wide myriad of subjects such as gruesome and graphic descriptions of murders purportedly committed by undocumented immigrants, windmills, the most beautiful chocolate cake he served at Mar-a-Lago, why he would never enter a bicycle race, sex parties held on yachts owned by his late friend William Levitt, the genius of Vladimir Putin who once gave him a most dazzling soccer ball, windmills again, and the extreme hazards of walking down a 10 degree inclined ramp after addressing cadets at West Point.
Besides the announcement itself, the one other major surprise coming out of the former Presidents speech was his proclamation that he had already chosen a running mate: his former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows.
Meadows was present at Trumps announcement, althoughmuch like Tiffany Trumpit appears he was procured there against his will and that he was not previously aware that the former President would be announcing his campaign that day or that he would be naming him as his running mate.
While the selection of a running mate typically does not occur until after a candidate has at least unofficially clinched his or her partys nomination and around the time of the partys convention, Trump said it was necessary to buck such traditions because of what he deemed urgent circumstances.
Specifically, Trump insisted without explanation that like Presidential candidates, Vice Presidential candidates are also immune from any and all prosecution. Furthermore, Trump claimed any and all conversations he has ever had--and will ever have--with Meadows are protected by what he termed as Presidential-Vice Presidential privilege, thus prohibiting Meadows from ever being compelled to testify against Trump under any circumstances.
Its right there in the Constitution, Trump said.
DETAILS AT ELEVEN.
underpants
(185,998 posts)I scrolled for the link and then I saw the pic
Hugh_Lebowski
(33,643 posts)nolabear
(42,923 posts)Ohio Joe
(21,894 posts)MyOwnPeace
(17,240 posts)Superb satire, backed up by this 'First Report' from the raid by 'The Borowitz Report.'.............
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)F.B.I. agents swarming over Donald J. Trumps Florida estate reported that they have so far been unable to locate the health-care plan that he had promised to deliver while President.
Trump said that the plan was terrific and beautiful and far better than Obamacare, Harland Dorrinson, the lead F.B.I. agent searching the estate, said. If we could get our hands on it, that would be a game changer for our country.
Agents cracked open the former Presidents safe but were frustrated in their attempts to find any documents with the words health or care in them.
Its got to be around here somewhere, one F.B.I. agent said.
As of late Monday night, a Bureau spokesman indicated that the agents had also been unable to find a prescription-drug plan, an infrastructure plan, or the framework for a peace treaty with North Korea.
Tommy Carcetti
(43,473 posts)Hermit-The-Prog
(36,270 posts)PatSeg
(49,583 posts)Brilliant!
Tickle
(2,919 posts)My heart be still me
IronLionZion
(46,829 posts)since they have to stay neutral during their primaries.
Ptah
(33,435 posts)LakeArenal
(29,677 posts)Lost me at radio going to excema commercial.
Response to Tommy Carcetti (Original post)
LakeArenal This message was self-deleted by its author.
justhanginon
(3,318 posts)Tommy Carcetti
(43,473 posts)rubbersole
(8,248 posts)pick any paragraph and it could be plausible. (Except that Tiffany was there in person...)
dchill
(40,050 posts)Tommy Carcetti
(43,473 posts)dchill
(40,050 posts)...served as an adjective!