Texas Schools Require Clear Bags To Prevent Students From Bringing In Books

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

https://www.theonion.com/texas-schools-require-clear-bags-to-prevent-students-fr-1849431359

KELLER, TX—Calling the new policy a “necessary” safety measure, administrators from Keller Independent School District confirmed Friday that all students were now required to use clear bags in order to prevent them from bringing in books. “As we start the new school year, we’d like to remind students that all backpacks must be clear or mesh so that we can ensure you are not smuggling any educational materials onto campus grounds,” read a statement from the board of trustees, which warned students that they would also be subject to unannounced locker searches in collaboration with the local police department’s K9 book-detection unit. “Under our zero-tolerance policy, any novel brought onto school grounds will result in the offending student’s expulsion. Paraphernalia like bookmarks, highlighters, and library cards will be immediately confiscated. And don’t think you can get away with hiding a paperback in your pocket, either. We will not hesitate to conduct a strip search.” At press time, all schools in the area had gone into lockdown after someone reportedly entered a junior high carrying a copy of The Giver.





Yes, it's The Onion

[Eugene]

1. Well played!

This is a "Please tell me this is The Onion" headline.

The scary part is that it isn't that preposterous anymore.

[J_William_Ryan]

2. All good satire contains elements of the truth.

[HubertHeaver]

3. Some ISD's have actually discussed this.

The subject matter was guns. Clear or net bags were suggested as a potential solution.

[dalton99a]

4. Kick

[MiniMe]

5. A strip search?? For kids??

[NullTuples]

11. Perhaps you've not been following how Republicans treat trans kids...

[MiniMe]

13. My bad, I didn't see it was from the Onion

[NullTuples]

14. I was fooled, too. It's like the old Onion is back

There for a while, especially during the Trump administration, nothing they posted seemed extreme enough.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

6. I love good satire

[Demovictory9]

7. don't give them ideas

[TrogL]

9. What part of "it's the Onion" did you not understand?

It's at the top (logo), the Twitter link, in the URL and stated at the bottom.

[Pepsidog]

12. Sorry I thought I deleted my post.

[Grokenstein]

10. Sure, it's TheOnion NOW

but just wait a bit.

[Wounded Bear]

15. I thought the clear bags were for weed or guns...

Yeah, it fooled me at first because it seems so much like what those RW assholes would do.

[sky_masterson]

16. Hide the books under guns.

Works every time