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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsAn Abortion Episode on Television
Not sure how many of you watch "Ms. Pat". It's a rather "interesting" show. There is a LOT of profanity, and a lot of difficult background. But it's the story of a really wonderful family.
At any rate, in this episode, the mother finds out that she's pregnant. She's in her late 40's, she has 4 kids, AND, she has had her tubes tied - this should have been impossible.
She decides to have an abortion. She knows that telling her husband will be hard. Well, he loses his mind and tells her that he wants her to have the child. And she says "It's My Body." And that she is going to have an abortion, regardless of his views.
The next afternoon, he is talking to his sister-in-law. It turns out that he refused to have a vasectomy. And he can't see anything wrong with that. His wife comes in and he *announces* that he does not support her getting an abortion. She tells him that it doesn't matter - she had it done in the morning. He grabs her and shakes her. She pushes him away. He walks out punching something. She walks out breaking some dishes...
My husband and I were watching and he says "she should have told him she was going that morning". I argued that she told him that she was having one, and that was enough. What was the point in saying when if he wasn't going to support her. Husband said "something could have happened to her". I said - they would have called him, as emergency contact. We yelled about it for a few minutes.
I think she did the right thing, all the way around. She told him. And then she got it done. Without his support, which just made it harder, but in her mind, it needed to be done, so she did it.
demigoddess
(6,645 posts)her mind so only did one tube. As a pregnant woman, and this was before Roe v Wade, she sued the doctor. Hope she won.
CrispyQ
(36,518 posts)But yeah, once she did & he opposed, she was right to do what she wanted/needed to do, & she didn't owe him notice or anything.
qwlauren35
(6,150 posts)I am not sure how I would have handled it, i.e. tell him before, tell him after, don't tell him at all.
Marriage is a funny thing. Some people say there should be no secrets, some people say there will always be secrets. I think I have a few secrets. Very few. But him knowing things has been hard for HIM. I think he would rather that I keep secrets. I feel that secrets always come out in the end...
So, what happens within the marriage when a woman wants an abortion and the man wants a child. The marriage is strained. VERY strained. And may be for a looooooooooooooong time. It may be a deal breaker. In my mind, if a woman wants an abortion, she definitely should NOT carry the child to term. Ever. Under any circumstances. It's cruel. Every moment of every day, she is carrying a child she does not want. Every moment of every day, her body is changing in ways that she wanted to avoid. Throwing up for weeks, getting kicked in the bladder. Carrying 30-60 extra pounds. It's just wrong.
BUT! If the husband wants a child, ***IF IT IS A PARTNERSHIP MARRIAGE*** I think there has to be some "discussion". Some honesty. Some sharing of information. And then a statement that he is not going to be given a choice, so he can either support, or he can sulk.
If the husband is dominant, then you probably can't tell him. Ever.
CrispyQ
(36,518 posts)I just wanted to be clear that I don't think that just cuz you're married you owe it to your husband to tell him you're pregnant & considering an abortion. If I were in a marriage where I knew my spouse would argue to keep a child I didn't want to have, I would have no issue keeping all that secret. Why risk future spousal resentments over a choice you know is right for you?
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,438 posts)qwlauren35
(6,150 posts)If the vacuum aspirator damaged the uterus and there was hemorrhaging, it would be very, very bad. I think at that point, you call the emergency contact and let them know.
llmart
(15,553 posts)so clearly she didn't want any more children. The husband must have known that. Why should he be surprised and then not supportive of her decision? Was he involved in and supportive of her getting her tubes tied? (Not that I think he should be the ultimate decider of that either.)
I don't think pro-life people are always logical about these things. He could have thought it was "God's miracle". Or God's way of saying that they should have another child.
Some people believe that if you get pregnant, you should keep the child. Period.
There is no reasoning with these people. There are no exceptions.
roamer65
(36,747 posts)Men should have ZERO say around an abortion.
End of discussion, IMO.