I, Steve Bannon, Rode A Freight Train All Night To Get To Court, And This Is How You Treat Me?

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

https://www.wonkette.com/-2658171391

Listen up, you elitist swine. I’m here today to tell you that this persecution of me will not be tolerated by the great Americans to whom I owe my listenership and whatever wealth I’ve hoovered out of their pockets through donations to phony charities. The Deep State may think that they can stop me by charging me with all the crimes I keep doing, but they’ll have to kill me first. I will fight until there is no more breath in my body, I will—

I’m sorry, your Honor. Yes, I understand, but perhaps the court reporter could type faster if he wants to keep up.

Anyway, pardon my appearance, your Honor. I just got off a boxcar I rode a thousand miles to get to this arraignment, and I came right here from the railyard. There wasn’t time to get hosed down by the local zookeeper and then change all my shirts.

No, your Honor, not an empty coal train, just a standard-issue boxcar. But it’s not like they keep those things spotless. Plus this one was transporting rusty junked car parts. The rust might sustain me on a long journey, but it is messy.

Yes, I subsist on a diet of flaking rust and hay that a minion shovels at my gaping mouth twice a day. Of course my mouth can only open so wide, so there’s usually a large pile of hay on the ground after a couple of minutes, and I’ll get down and roll around in it while I’m gobbling it up. That’s why I always look like I’m covered in a layer of chaff. Because I am covered in a layer of chaff.

*snip*

[crickets]

1. *snerk* I love Wonkette. nt

[brush]

2. What a self-destructive idiot. He goes from scam to scam, one crime...

after another and was lucky enough to get pardoned by trump but can't stop getting in trouble.

Too bad, so sad. Now he's going to do some real time.

[lame54]

5. And he's already rich with that Seinfeld money

[brush]

7. And...? Guess he can try to bribe jail guards with it, because he's...

going to jail...finally.

[lame54]

8. My point is...

He doesn't NEED the money

It's greed and the constant need to get one over on someone

Guess i could have chosen a better conjunction

[Wingus Dingus]

3. Boxcar Bannon. I like it.

[Blue Owl]

4. Picturing a half-eaten can of unheated, cold baked beans and lots of stains

He's the MagaHobo...

[lame54]

6. Dismantle on his mind