It is with a very heavy heart, I announce the death of my 99 year old grandmother
Life-long Democrat.
WW2 Widow.
Grew up in the Great Depression.
She was more my mother than my "real" mother was.
I am so wrecked right now. I don't know how to live in a world that doesn't have her in it.
I should have known she wouldn't live forever, but for whatever reason, I thought she would.
I'm really struggling with a lot. My "go-to" stage of grief is anger, and I'm really trying not to hate my dad, who I feel killed her.
2 weeks in hospice with no food or water, just morphine. Does that seem right to you?
He insisted her DNR said no feeding or hydration, but TWO WEEKS!?!?!
Anyway, the world is a sadder place without her.
We've lost a wonderful Democrat, and a great lady.
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I dread the day when mine passes. If it helps at all, I was a CNA and we were always taught that the removal of food and hydration at that stage doesn’t increase a person’s suffering. One elderly man at my hospital survived 21 days with no food or hydration and he seemed at peace the entire time.
My sympathies are with you during these difficult times. 
try to remember how lucky you were to have that wonderful woman in your life for so long
A few years ago, I mentioned her donating $50 to a food bank on this board.
She survived on SS and her War Widow's pension.
(We paid as many of her expenses as she would allow us).
I remember you responded to the thread saying you were making a donation in her honor.
I can't tell you how much that warmed my heart.
she wished she could have given more so I told you to tell her she inspired me to donate to my local food bank and I promptly made that donation! Before that I had made sporadic donations to them but that made me become a regular donor.....I also donate the gas money I save from working from home (pandemic) to that food bank 
I'm bawling my eyes out here!
Thank you!
I'm also saddened that your own pain is so elevated by the manner in which she died, but which cannot be changed.
I only hope that you can focus on her and the good memories. Thinking of you, just as you've caused me to think back to my own dear grandmother--gone so many years but still dearly missed.
Let her watch over you now.
She's with you, inside.
Lost my mom when she was 94.
Mom's death was, in a few ways, similar to your grandmother's.
No matter their age, it hits very very hard.
Your grandmother sounds like a great woman.
Don't deny your feelings. You feel like you feel. I still have a lot of anger towards family members due to their actions during my mom's death, so I can relate to your feelings.
You will feel better. Roll with it the best you can.
Cherish the memories 
It is very painful to lose the people we count on most.
What you described is very common sadly. The hospital harassed us non stop to kill my father for a month by stopping treatment and giving him opiates etc. It is called hospice in hospital or something like that. They were the ones that put him into a life threatening state as well by drugging and restraining him with no food for 30 hours, giving him more dangerous anti-psychotic drugs right before he ate, not supervising him, then he aspirated and they did not give proper care which eventually led to his death. He had no food a lot of that time which certainly didn't help.
They were already trying to do that before he got to the point where they murdered him in the last month and after numerous negligences starting with infecting him with covid. Before you get to hospice it is called "palliative care". dni/dnr is a death sentence, many will not get the same treatment. If your loved one does not want to be resuscitated etc. you can make the decision according to their wishes when it comes to that. And that goes for all ages.
For older people it is a very dangerous situation because in many care places they want you dead and out of the hospital a lot of the time so they can give your bed to someone else. There are financial influences as well because medicare or uninsured patients give lower or no reimbursement.
My neighbor was sent home on hospice because the hospital told her son who was in charge she was on hospice and he agreed to it. She died about 4 weeks later. She had been treated for a uti at one hospital but not properly, she developed sepsis at home, went to another hospital and never fully recovered. I think she was just put on hospice and released early because they did not want to bother anymore and her son agreed to it at the time. Fortunately I was able to visit and she was eating and not suffering terribly.
People think that you are going to have a fast death when given these drugs but the fact is people can take weeks to die, at home or in hospital. It can be a painful experience for the family. I think my neighbor had a peaceful experience and was not suffering terribly. Her care taker was with her and she went fast. I was not able to be there sadly, I wish I had been. She was not on opiates, she was on her regular meds as far as I know.
What was described to me was that if people were able to eat they could still eat small amounts and some did not want to. But the realities are different for each person. I don't know what happened with your grandmother, I don't want to upset you more, just let you know what can happen. I would talk to your father about it.
My father made sure that his brother got a big dose of morphine when he was dying and suffering a lot, enough to kill him quickly. Tg he was there to make them do that. That was in Canada and his doctor agreed but other hospital workers were torturing my uncle in the hospital he worked in for many years as head of a department.
They cautioned us not to feed him or give him water because of the danger of it going into his lungs.
This lasted about 1.5 weeks, until he transitioned to spirit.
It was very hard on my mom & the nurses caught her a few times trying to feed him. 💔
He, too, was getting regular doses of morphiene, which slows the breathing.
Please remember to do good self-care: eat, sleep, & do regular deep breathing to stay centered.
Grieving is very hard work emotionally, psychologically, & physically.
Can you speak with the hospice nurses who attended her? Often, they have some beautiful stories to tell. 😉
They were wonderful and, while profoundly sad, it was a beautiful experience.
So sorry for your tough loss.
That is beautiful!
With my dad, we went to his fav hotdog stand, got some loaded dogs & passed them under is nose.
He smiled huge & began to sing.
He hadn't eaten or even opened his eyes in days. I cherish that memory.
Like you, my grandma was more my mother than my biological mother. She passed on to her glory in 1998 at 96 years old.
Group hug to you @Coventina
Your Grandma 
She was on in-home hospice for one week before she passed. Same thing - she was kept comfortable on morphine and the nurses said that morphine slows all body processes down so they aren't experiencing hunger, and forcing water or food might cause them to choke.
I had a whole bunch of sponges on sticks they said I could wet and swab her mouth to keep her from drying out, because it would have been very bad for her to aspirate any liquid into her lungs.
It was a huge adjustment and freaked me out at first too, but she passed peacefully in her sleep.
I'm past the sadness after two weeks, and am dealing with the depression phase. I don't feel like doing anything, but it will get better over time.
I've recently started trying to come to terms with the deaths of my Mother and Father....
I do hope you find solace somewhere.
I won't and can't do anything today to assuage your grief other than to offer comfort.
You have a family at DU.
I know from experience you can learn on them.
I've recently started trying to come to terms with the deaths of my Mother and Father....
I do hope you find solace somewhere.
I won't and can't do anything today to assuage your grief other than to offer comfort.
You have a family at DU.
I know from experience you can learn on them.
May she Rest In Peace.
I’m glad you’re sharing this here. There are so many DUers with BIG hearts, and strong shoulders, and open ears, and they share, back. Lots of genuine sympathy and empathy for you at this rough and painful time.
You do not mourn alone. Always good to remember what our beloved Skittles once said: “someone’s always here.” Doesn’t even matter what time it is.
...the words "merged with the universe" when speaking of the loved one's death. I found that to be a gentle and elegant turn of phrase, and shall envision your beloved grandmother merging with the stars.
much sympathy to you and all those who knew and loved her.
R-I-P
