Well, I have a dilemma brewing, but not sure how it will end?

[imanamerican63]

Most of you know that I live with my mother. I am more other caretaker, but she is well worthy of taking care of herself. She turns 86 in little over a month. Up to now, she done pretty good. But over the weekend she fell in the kitchen. She is okay, but a mild sprain of her ankle and sore in area. She did tell me about it until Monday, cuz she did want me or my siblings to worry. I was not home when she fell. I was on the road working. I start the ball rolling and called of sisters. My youngest sister took my mom to emergency care and they they sent her to the hospital emergency to be looked at further. Again no broken bones or other issue.

So, here where I am worried about? My sisters think she shouldn’t be alone? I agree! I could come off the road and find a new job locally? Or she goes to live with one of my sisters? Or put her in assisted living? I am pushing assisted living because my GOBer sisters would drive my mother insane! See my problem? I know assisted living is pricey, but Trumpster sisters? Ugh!

[multigraincracker]

1. How does mom vote

on the situation?

[kimbutgar]

4. That is the correct question

I recently went to a senior move manager conference in Philadelphia and one of the forums was having a family discussion. Everyone should meet with Mom and discuss what she wants!

[imanamerican63]

8. I am going find out when my sisters and I talk again tonight?

My mom made the comment about moving in with one of them. I going to let my decide, but going tell that it would best for her and her safety.

[Deep State Witch]

2. Might Want To Look Into an Alert One

You might want to look into getting her an Alert One monitor, which detects falls. Or, a smart watch with a fall detection function. We're trying to talk my MIL into one, because a neighbor of hers died from a fall.

[imanamerican63]

10. Looking into this option too!

[Deep State Witch]

37. Good Luck

Like my mother, my husband's mother REFUSES to wear one. Even after telling her how my aunt was in a car accident and the cops were notified by her Apple Watch.

[applegrove]

3. Get her on the waiting list for the best assisted living facility right away.

If it is city run it should be cheaper but some stand out over the others. You can always turn them down. And get her a walker right away. Falling is a major cause of death among seniors. And put that she is falling on the application. My dad was falling at his retirement residence. He was such a big guy that the staff had to call the ambulance or firetruck every time he fell to get him up and in his chair. He weighed about 260 pounds. We had around the clock private care but that didn't stop him from falling. Thankfully he is (was - he died at 92 on the 23rd of this month... saying 'was' about my dad is going to hurt for a bit - love you dad) a strong boned guy and never broke anything. But I think having used city resources in that expensive manner got him into the nursing home I think: up the list. He was in the nursing home for 7 years. He had great care and fewer falls. He liked it.They have practices and policy for every health and mobility issue. It was a relief for my sister who was the one solving one issue after the other when my parents were in the retirement home. It was a relief for us. He had excellent private care too. We've been really lucky all around. I guess I am saying document all her fallls so you have more choices. Nothing will be perfect. Building staff had me convinced he didn't need oxygen on one of his last few days, when he did. I got a second opinion from the floor nurse and she said "God no!" when I asked her if my dad was going to go off oxygen. I was being to hopeful that he would pull through.

[SheltieLover]

27. +1,000!

[brush]

5. See if there are solutions other than assisted living...

because often times, they will take all or her assets.

Maybe another post asking for advice from DU elder care lawyers.

[Baltimike]

6. Are you really ready for something that drastic??

Maybe just some "A place for mom" or agency that has health care and well checks on seniors?

They are all over my area...I think it would traumatize your Mom to have to move.

[imanamerican63]

13. Checking all options!

I am in talks with a company to see if that works?

[mercuryblues]

7. compromise

when you go out on the road, she stays with a sister. When you are home, she is home. The sisters will tire of this soon enough and all of a sudden, they will deem her well enough to stay on her own a few days.

[Sogo]

9. If she's as able to take care of herself as you say,

then start with just getting her one of those bracelets that has a button to push for emergency services in the case of a fall. We got one of those for our mom, and she live on her own at the family farm until the day she died at the age of 94.5.

[imanamerican63]

20. She is slowly declining, so I just don't know how drastic it will be a few days, month, or years?

[ms liberty]

11. One Call. It's like life alert, but has fall protection monitoring

We just got it for my mil, she fell and we didn't find her for several days. No idea that she was at risk til this. I just quit my job, today, because round the clock people to stay with her would run at least 4500 bucks a week, and assisted living 6-7000 a week. Someone has to be with her all the time til she's recovered, which will be at least another 8-10 weeks and I can't get fmla for an in law.

[hibbing]

12. From my experience I encourage assisted living

I wish my parents would hand moved out of their house a decade before they were basically forced to. I get it, it is super expensive, but it's not only for your mother, but for you and your sisters' well being. Just my two cents from my experience.

Peace

[imanamerican63]

16. Thank you.

[Mr.Bill]

14. Assisted living may be appropriate,

but don't be so sure she won't be around Trumpsters there also.

[imanamerican63]

15. But aleast she can get away from them?

[Mr.Bill]

17. I suppose.

I wouldn't be afraid to ask the care givers about their politics, though.

[StarryNite]

18. In home care when you are away.

Somebody comes to your house to stay with her when you can't be there.

[multigraincracker]

19. I'd suggest that the biggest and most expensive

are not always the best.
Mom and dad moved into a big expensive place in their mid 80s. After dad passed I moved mom into a place close to me. 1/4 the price and 20 times better. No daily turn over with the help. Less confusing for mom.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

21. Assisted living.

Do NOT wait for things to get worse.

I and my sister have been working for a year now to get out brother and his wife, both 79, out of their hoarded two story house and into assisted living. He's blind, hasn't been able to drive for some years now, she has mobility and other health issues. For two years she was unable to go upstairs, where the bedrooms are, and there is only a half bath on the ground floor. It's beyond ridiculous that they've waited this long. Money for assisted living is not going to be an issue for them.

Somewhat long story short, they have gotten a 2 bedroom unit in a very nice, practically brand new assisted living/memory care place, and hopefully will be in there at the beginning of November.

Too many people resist getting the help or relocation they need. They have completely wrong understanding of how independent/assisted living/memory care works these days. Yeah, they can be expensive, but everything is taken care of: meals, housekeeping, getting to doctors appointments, lots of social activities and field trips.

So start investigating assisted living places in your area. There's something called A Place For Mom, which will steer you to good places. My sister and I looked at 8 places for brother and wife, and one was absolutely the best one. Even if a place you want for your Mom is currently full, the nature of them is that there's steady turnover.

Let us know how it all works out.

[LakeArenal]

22. "Pushing" assisted living sounds negative.

My dad resisted until he was 90. But we asked him to check out several and he wound up thinking it would be great.
He chose a mid priced roomy studio. At first he didn’t need much help and they just made sure someone spoke with him a couple times a day. But towards the end they helped him by getting stuff ready for his showers making shopping lists etc etc. He didn’t have to clean cook are do laundry.

For him it was great. He made some friends, played bridge, even danced a couple time. He was a good dancer.

Hope your mom ops for assisted living. Dad said he didn’t realize how lonely he was living alone.

[imanamerican63]

24. My mom has talked about it in the past. I think she knows that might end up in assisted living?

Last edited Wed Oct 26, 2022, 07:30 PM - Edit history (1)

[iemanja]

23. I think it depends less on politics and more on how caring your siblings are

Is one of your sisters able and willing to care for your mom? Can she afford assisted living, or can she get a waiver? What does your mom want? I think your giving up a job would be risky, unless you can find one before you leave your current employment.

[imanamerican63]

25. Good question. I have a good job and my sisters all know that it would be hard for me to leave this

company.

[blm]

26. You might keep her home with care that comes to the home.

Your sisters can visit more often, too, when you’re on the road, if you decide to stay on the road.

Assisted living isn’t for everybody. Especially when it comes to a spirited, independent personality, as you’ve described your mother.

[SheltieLover]

28. Does she have a cane or walker & fall alert device?

Talk to her.

Pretty sure she won't want to leave her home.

Look into in-home care while you are on the road.

[iemanja]

30. While expensive, an Apple watch can serve the purpose of a fall alert device

It has emergency features as part of it.

[SheltieLover]

31. That's an idea, too!

[in2herbs]

29. If she doesn't already use one why not have her try a walker. There are different styles. I would

recommend the style that keeps you upright.

Also, I don't know for sure, but I read that the Apple watch has apps that will monitor heart, etc., and has a quick button should one fall. You might check it out.

[halfulglas]

34. Well, I would first question does she wear a watch or bracelet now?

Myself, I'm soon to turn 80, and my skin is much more sensitive. I was given a smart watch, a very pretty one, but have trouble wearing it. I can't tolerate bracelets or the bezel of the watch. I would get a rash under it. I'm pretty healthy but thinking of one of those One Call pendants to make my kids feel better.

One thing that was suggested was to put an Amazon echo in every room programmed to alert a loved one's cell phone if you fall and call out Alexa, but I'm not sure if that would work.

Good luck.

[librechik]

32. talk to the social worker attached (?) to your mom's care facility or ask

the doctor who treated her ankle for assistance finding someone to comsult about her home situation.

Often those people have lots of good information about the ins and outs of your area. You need some help, seems like. It's probably free if she's on medicare.

Good luck!

[Thunderbeast]

33. Our local emergency services has an alternate 10 digit phone number for 911

Why is this important you ask?

I have the number programmed on my cellphone.

The cell phone is linked to my Amazon Echo. Calls can be made using the device. I have several in the house for music, podcasts, and news.

If I fall, I can command Alexa to call "Ten digit emergency"..the name I have programmed on the phone linked to Alexa.

[snowybirdie]

35. Mom needs her own input

She's a tough lady and should decide her own future with input from her children. Good luck.

[Niagara]

36. I'm a non-medical home health aide and I have a full-time client with Parkinsons.

I would highly recommend having a one of your sisters come over while your at work or inquire if your mom's health insurance could help provide a non-medical home health aide to assist her with hygiene, cooking and exercise/physical therapy duties while your at work. Having someone to talk to or read a book during the day is a massive improvement with senior citizens well-being too.


There are sit-down and stand-up exercises/physical therapy. I refer to the exercises as physical therapy since it's literally what physical therapist do with senior citizens to improve and strengthen their balance, coordination and stability.


Some of the physical therapy I do with my client are sitting marches (raising legs in a marching fashion while sitting down), sitting side-steps (basically take the right foot out and bring it back), toe up and downs (bring toes up, heels down and reverse that position with toes down and heels up.


Some of the standing one we do are side-stepping, walking backwards (I hold both hands so that my client feels secure and safe), in place marching, holding on to the kitchen counter or a sturdy chair and do back leg bends, leg sweeps and basic squats.


On a side note, if you go with a home health aide through an agency, not all agencies hire the best cream of the crop. There are some amazing agencies however.

Good luck to you and your mom.