More Songs About Cat Litter and Violence (Ferret)
Hey folks, who wants to chuckle nervously as the clock ticks down to the batshittiest midterm election of our lifetime? Happening Here Bingo was a lot more fun back when everybody didn’t black out their card every single week.
(It always makes more sense with the links, so why not click here: https://showercapblog.com/more-songs-about-cat-litter-and-violence/)
The Republican Candidate Refuses to Agree to Accept Election Results square is free, of course. The Election Officials Getting Death Threats square is free. And so is the Terrorist Attack on a Venue That Hosted a Drag Queen Event square, and I guess nobody gets too excited anymore when the caller shouts, “Democratic Candidate Assaulted Outside His Own Home.”
And that’s just the background noise. A single paragraph’s unwieldy bingo metaphor. We’re in the last days of an election cycle, parties and candidates are making their final pitches, and the MAGA GOP’s closing argument is pretty goddamn gross, friends: authoritarianism, anti-Semitism, and big, big lies.
Lies about everything. Lies about basically inconsequential shit, and lies about the most important shit in the world. Lies designed to drive people violently insane, and whenever somebody snaps, and, say, assaults the Speaker of the House’s husband with a hammer, lies about the very victims of their massive, sustained campaign of lies, because we’ve arrived at the Wallowing Gleefully in Our Obscenity stage of this thing.
Healthy stuff, in other words.
Well, the Elon Musk era of Twitter launched on the entirely predictable wave of hate speech, followed by the entirely predictable advertiser and user exodus, followed by the entirely predictable manchild meltdown. From the bottom of the $44 billion hole he dug, Musk attempted to cast the avoidable results of his own pudding-headed decision-making as an assault on fundamental human rights, as has become standard operating procedure for narcissistic billionaire fuckwits the world over.
Elon. Buddy. You built that, bro. You and you alone. As your expensive new toy erupted with slurs, what did you do? You let the world know, in no uncertain terms, that the new boss, a genius, filters information exactly as well as that one kid from high school in your Facebook feed who periodically brags that she’s about to meet JFK Jr.
Your First Amendment rights are intact, kiddo, it’s just that there’s little economic benefit in sponsoring your credulous platforming of a Weekly World News-level hoax about the Pelosi attack. Get your ad revenue out of the drooling maniacs you’re so eager to serve, Mr. Free Speech Champion; that’s how the market works.
Incidentally, I don’t know that the American Right is gonna get a clearer off-ramp than Conspiracy-Addled Asshat Attempts House Speaker’s Assassination, but since taking it would require a thimbleful of decency, they’re opting for another lurch towards fascism instead.
Yeah, that “family values” party sure does find it hilarious that one of their dutifully indoctrinated drones assaulted an 82-year-old man in his home. The gags aren’t particularly funny, but they don’t need to be, when the point is reveling in your power to inflict harm.
Charlie Kirk, chairdork of the junior brownshirt org Turning Point USA, wants somebody to pay the attacker’s bail haw haw haw you could throw him a party with a hammer-shaped cake and you could invite Kyle Rittenhouse how dare they call us deplorable truly it is we who are the Real Victims Here™️.
It is in fact profoundly unjust, as Ronna NotRomney whined, to imply Republicans had anything whatsoever to do with this completely random act of violence, just because the would-be assassin’s social media feed is indistinguishable from an RNC staffer’s, or just because of the GOP’s years of targeting Pelosi with dehumanizing, frequently violent rhetoric, oh look, here’s a Republican Congressman firing a gun next to a #FirePelosi hashtag a few days before the attack, and here’s a pro-Trump insurrectionist talking about how badly he’d like to hang Nancy Pelosi but otherwise this kind of thing hardly ever happens, though I’d consider it a personal favor if you wouldn’t check.
Don’t check anything, actually. Ever. Pay no attention to the fact that Halloween came and went without a single rainbow fentanyl tablet making its way into a single trick-or-treater’s repurposed pillowcase; just stand by, with hammers and nail guns at the ready, while we work out what you’re supposed to be afraid of next.
Maybe it’ll be JD Vance’s imaginary horde of migrants seeking taxpayer-funded “gender reassignment surgeries.” They’re coming in a caravan, I hear. They’re headed to your town on Antifa buses, each bearing as much kitty litter as they can carry, so their furry children have something to pee in.
I have grown so weary of writing about kitty litter, my friends. I shouldn’t have to write about kitty litter this much, this is not a cat blog, though I bet in the alternate reality where I started a cat blog five years ago, I’m significantly more cheerful.
No, I’m stuck with Don Bolduc, who generated multiple litter-based headlines this week, because he will not, by gawd, be made to renounce the Kids Shitting in Litter Boxes Because of Wokeness myth. Did Moses not bear tablets of stone from ‘pon the mountaintop, proclaiming, in the Lord’s own hand, that furry kids shit in litter boxes because of wokeness literally all the time, you heathen deep state commie bastards?
All kindsa wacky laws on them tablets, but of course the big one is We Get To Be In Charge Forever And Ever No Matter What. (It always is.) Not exactly compatible with democracy, and they’re growing increasingly comfortable saying so; for example, Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate Tim Michels, who promises, “Republicans will never lose another election” if he wins, which is pretty much every swing state GOP Secretary of State candidate’s explicit plan as well.
And in Texas, some Republican Party officials have taken their voter harassment campaign door-to-door, adding that essential “we know where you live” element to the climate of fear they’re so meticulously crafting.
Violence and intimidation. Focused assaults on electoral infrastructure. I mentioned the anti-Semitism, yes? It’s only when your violent anti-democracy movement is extra-super-not-even-semi-fascist that it embraces anti-Semitism in the immediate run-up to a national election, right?
With the likes of Kanye and Kyrie hogging that particular spotlight, the Mastriano campaign knew it would need to act boldly to stand out; luckily, Dougie’s wife had a demented, dominionist ace up her sleeve.
Sorry this post is so grim, chums, but this is grim shit we’re discussing. Well, let’s rattle off a few quick gags and land this fucker.
I see Herschel Walker challenged Barack Obama to a resumé competition, and I have to say, if the metrics used in the evaluation are Abortions Personally Financed, or Number of Abuse Allegations, there are definitely some merits to his boasting.
Stephen Miller added his uniquely subpar mewl to the cacophony of mediocre white guy shrieking that constitutes the Republican GOTV strategy, hoping to mobilize the crucial Creepy Middle-Aged Dudes Still Frothing Mad About Some Shit From High School corner of the MAGA coalition. Gross.
Longtime readers know I’m hardly a Donald Trump fan, but I think we should hear him out on this “impeach Mitch McConnell” thing. Stopped clocks, folks.
A labyrinthine plot, worthy of the great antagonists of detective fiction, to shield Trump family assets from New York Attorney General Letitia James’ investigation, by hiding them under sunglasses and a fake mustache, somehow came up short, a rare miss from the whackjob carousel that represents Donnie Dotard in court.
“Trump Organization II,” brought to you by the criminal mastermind behind such classics as, “No One Will Notice the Stolen Nuclear Secrets“ and, “Maybe If Somebody Lynches Mike Pence I Get To Stay President.” How he failed to denuclearize North Korea I’ll never understand.
Welcome news from Brazil, where voters rejected fascism and failure, though given other international election results, the jury is still out on the elusive Is Humanity Capable Of Learning Fucking Anything question.
Anyway, I know nobody reading this needs to me to remind them to VOTE IN THE GODDAMN MIDTERMS, but a man has obligations to his catchphrase. When next we meet, we’ll know a lot more about precisely how scary our neighbors are, that’ll be somethin’ to talk about. Stay safe out there ‘til then, friends.
PS - Hey Elon…I bet if you keep hitting Twitter with a wrench like that, money’ll just fall out. Someday. Cool investment, champ.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Love that line!
Label: SSR (4) – SSR 188
Format:
2 x Vinyl, LP, Album
Country: Belgium
Released: 24 Mar 1997
Genre: Electronic
Style: Downtempo, Techno, Deep House, Electro, Ambient
