More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Vote Like Your Democracy Depends On It
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Vote Like Your Democracy Depends On It Because It Does
So it's almost time for another midterm election.
What are our choices?
What have we gotten from the Democrats?
Covid more or less under control. Economic stimulus. Infrastructure upgrades. Protection for the marginalized and minorities. Student debt abatement. Free and fair elections in a democratic republic.
And from the Republicans?
We get lectures about corruption from Donald Trump, warnings about pedophilia from Matt Gaetz, preaching about the sanctity of marriage from Marjorie Taylor Greene, and scary talk about immigration from Ted Cruz. And of course we get told that there's no problem that can't be solved by giving Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos another tax cut and allowing rich demagogues and prissy religious leaders to make all the decisions.
Strikes me as a pretty clear choice.
But then again, gas prices are still too high, so maybe we should try fascism instead, right?
(No. 58 in an occasional series.)
Reposts and Updates To Remind You Of Why You Vote:
* The Republican politicians who tried to overturn the 2020 election are completely right when they say Democrats are the ones who "hate democracy". (#56, July 2022)
* You want to strike a blow against "meanness" by voting for the party of racists, homophobes, misogynists, pedophiles, and warmongers. (#55, June 2022)
* You're a free black man who legally married a white woman, and claim to be a "Constitutional originalist." (#56, July 2022)
* Russia was the embodiment of evil when it was a repressive, authoritarian dictatorship allegedly in the name of Communism; Russia is the last great hope of the civilized world now that it's a repressive, authoritarian dictatorship allegedly in the name of Christianity. (#56, July 2022)
* Being a member of the "Law and Order" Party also means threatening riots unless someone who tried to whip up a mob to murder his own Vice President to overthrow our government and then stole a bunch of top secret documents goes Scott free. (#48, Mar 2021)
* Abortion should be decided by the states, which is exactly why we also need a national abortion ban. (#56, July, 2022)
* Life is sacred and precious from the moment of conception until the moment of birth. (#5, July 2011)
* You are against the right to an abortion. You are also against everything that would reduce the number of abortions: birth control, sex education (both of which would reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies), and government funded health care and aid services (which would help the women who choose to deliver and possibly keep the children). The only acceptable solution to abortion is for them sluts to keep their legs closed--the involvement of anyone else in creating the pregnancy is irrelevant. (#5, July 2011)
* It was completely Joe Biden's fault when gas was over $5 a gallon, but he gets no credit for the price going back down. Especially since low gas prices are actually bad anyway. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* You prove how patriotic you are and how much you love America by wanting to legalize espionage against it. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* It's "completely unfair" for the government to forgive student loan debt, but not that of companies owned by "free market" Republicans. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* You're offended when someone makes a speech against fascism and for democracy. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* In fact, you're so offended by being called a violent domestic terrorist you threaten violence against the President of the United States. (#57, Sept. 2022)
Ted Cruz being a hypocrite. Must be a day ending in a "y"...
* Republicans deserve credit for the infrastructure bills that they all voted against. (#52, Jan 2022)
* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire, drowns in a hurricane, deep freezes, gets slammed by an oil spill, or demolished by tornadoes, but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid. (#19, July 2015)
And the one you know is always going to be frequently updated:
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, John Bizon, Jayson Boebert, Lauren Boebert, Anthony Bouchard, Luke Bowen, Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn, Lee Chatfield, Larry Craig, Steve DesJarlais, Tudor Dixon, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Matt Gaetz, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Eric Greitens, Joe Gruters, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Adam Hageman (NEW!), Dennis Hastert, Charles Herbster, Curtis Hill, Perry Hooper Jr., Duncan Hunter, Jeff Jansen, Alex Jones, Gym Jordan, Randy Gene Kaufman (NEW!), Brett Kavanaugh, Joel Koskan (NEW!), Nathan Larson, Anton Lazzaro, Corey Lewandowski, Rush Limbaugh, Josh Mandell, Vance McAllister, John Merrill, Roy Moore, Brad Namdar, Jonathan Newel, Kristi Noem, Bill O'Reilly, Carl Paladino, Charles Peruto, Tom Reed, Kevin Rinke, Rick Roeber, Chad Micheal Salsman, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, Alek Skarlatos, Melvin Slack, Ken Starr(!!!), Sarah Stogner, Roger Stone, David Stringer, Van Taylor, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, Ruben Verastigui, David Vitter, Aaron von Ehlinger, Herschel Walker, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
And one for Herschel Walker:
* Abortion is an absolute wrong even in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the woman carrying the fetus. Abortion is permissible when the woman carrying the fetus is the wife, mistress, or daughter of a pro-life, family values Republican politician.(#10, Nov 2012)
* For the Pennsylvania Senate seat, you support a Turkish national who lives in New Jersey and quack TV doctor who used to torture and murder puppies and stabbed his sister over the state's current Lieutenant Governor. (#55, June 2022)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Donald Trump has the room to call anyone else in the world "fat", "phoney", and "whiny" or "Nasty, wrong", and "ill-informed".
I mean, "Takes one to know one" is the only way this works.
* You harass shooting victims and transgender people, but insist, as a Family Values Republican™ that you deserve privacy during your messy divorce from the husband you cheated on multiple times.
* One of the signs of Trump being a strong leader was the way he bowed to pressure from a prissy talk show host.
* Bad way to spend government money: Helping Ukraine defend itself from an invasion by a totalitarian dictatorship. Good way to spend government money: Spy on Aretha Franklin for forty years.
* Your "Ideal Christian" (besides Trump) is a dictator who murders his enemies with polonium and slaughters innocent civilians so he can illegally annex their country.
* For the Georgia Senate seat, you support the "Good Christian" who has five kids with five different women and paid for abortions over the actual Baptist preacher.
* You don't condemn an attempted political assassination that put an 82 year old man in the hospital, but do condemn stressed-out students petting cats.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I've been trying to understand why anyone other than the rude, crude, white skin, bigoted, racist, pro-violence, pro-intimidation, pro-autocracy, pro-fascist, christian nationalist, etc would vote for a Republican???
I blame it on gross ignorance...if the only thing driving a voter's candidate choice is the belief a Republican or election denier can fix inflation, they will believe anything. 
And my very limited personal observations confirm it. They watch only Fox news, if any news and see only the price of gas.
It certainly can't be the fault of greedy oil companies afraid of their taxes going up or, oh I dunno, a power crazed Russian autocrat starting an unprovoked war...it clearly must be Joe Biden twirling his mustache making gas too expensive. That's the only rational explanation. 