So, let me stand this on its head a little bit.
Lots of thanks to veterans over the last few days... certainly deserved, and I think mostly appreciated although many of my contemporary vets don't think their efforts were special or heroic...
Be that as it may be, I'd like to take a turn in a different direction.
Thank-you, the American people, for Veteran's benefits. Neither all nations, or even this nation over its history has cared for its veterans as you, the American people, care for and support spending of tax-dollars on Veterans benefits.
Your concern impacted me greatly and it deserves to be acknowledged.
In my freshman year of high school, the Iowa Test of Educational Development projected me to be in the top 5 in my High School class. But that same year, my oldest brother flunked out of junior college and my father turned against education, declaring that he wouldn't support the other 4 of us in the pursuit of becoming in his words educated idiots (it is disappointing to have your fair haired first born collapse academically). And so knowing that as the middle son of 2 janitors, in the era before National Defense Loans to help needy kids pay tuition, I wasn't going to be in a position of familial support to even think about applying to attend college. I gave up, expecting to find my way into the world of work without education. And I graduated 535th in a class of just shy of 600.
My birthdate came up a low draft number, and I was forced to make decisions for which I really wasn't much prepared to deal. I chose to volunteer for the draft. I know that's strange, it requires understanding concepts like being drafted into the military, and making the choice to have some fraction of choice in doing so. At the time, I wanted inches of steel or concrete between me and VietCong bullets. So I enlisted into the Army with a choice of an unknow job in an Armored unit.
While being inducted, a nice young specialist 5 called me out of a line and along with 5 or 6 others suggested that maybe we should think about serving in military intelligence, which according to him could be completed in air-conditioned buildings surrounded by thick concrete walls. Sounded just like something I was looking for, except the 4 year enlistment. Among the options of things to do was being a computer terminal repairman, of course back then, a computer terminal was an eight level code model 35 teletype (hence my handle above). I did 9 months of training an went off to Vietnam. And there, I legitimately earned my VA benefits, and I legitimately got exposed to Agent Orange although I didn't know that was how the base I was on controlled the weeds in it's perimeter fencing and antenna field.
So, after 2 years 9 months and 12 days the US Army Security Agency said they didn't need me anymore and asked if I wanted to end my service. Being incredibly bored and not stupid, I signed that piece of paper. Promised not to go to places like Isreal, Russia or China for a decade or so and departed for the rest of my life.
The rest of my life didn't start like I had ever thought. I did a bit of teletype repair for RCA Data Services, and decided to use my VA benefits to go to College. That choice took me thru the BA I thought I'd never have an opportunity to pursue, because VA educational benefits and as I did reasonably well, launched me in pursuit of an MA and PHD, then a career teaching at mostly undergraduate colleges and universities.
Well into my career I developed a host of medical problems. Problems that the VA thought could be presumed to follow from the Agent Orange exposures I had back so many years before. And so under examination of VA clinics I was found to have diabetes and coronary artery disease. And, amazingly, the treatments were (and for the diabetes continue to be) covered by the VA.
So most all of the most significant events of my recent life have turned around that care. I earned the eligibility, but you all paid taxes that made it possible. And I think I really owe you some thanks. Thank-you as a nation for caring about veterans and extending that compassion to vets like me. I did my service not with a fire arm or in a unit of the line, I did it in electronic warefare centers, and my 'weapons' were most often a tiny 1/4 inch wrench and a flat bladed screw-driver. I have no real idea what I was part of, because that's the nature of working in intelligence.
I'm pretty sure that I am far far from being a hero. I am pretty sure that VA benefits opened gateways for my life that let me into a life I couldn't have otherwise had. And then, 35 years later, those VA benefits repaired my heart, and continue to deal with chronic problems presumed to be from Agent Orange.
I'm not bitter about any of it, I actually feel indebted to all of you who pay taxes and accept with not too much angst providing Veteran's benefits.
So, THANK-YOU for your service to veterans. It is so significant to the lives of so many, multiply your compassion on my life times hundreds of thousands.
Really.
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We care for and about each other.
It never feels right for me to say “you’re welcome” or anything like that.
I suppose I would be considered a hero based on my military decorations and the various job titles I had (I served as an Infantry Platoon Leader in Iraq in 2004-2005). I volunteered and wanted to serve as an Infantry Officer, but I still have no idea what I was thinking or what prompted me to go that direction in my life.
I was a chubby nerd as a kid and I aspired to be either a concert pianist or a medical doctor up until I started college in 1998.
If I’m actually a “hero”, shouldn’t I feel good about what I did in Iraq or at least proud of my actions?
The way I feel about my military service is a complete mess of emotions. I’m proud that I had what it takes to be an Infantryman in combat, but I’m deeply ashamed of what that actually meant - that I’ve killed and maimed other human beings. I hide those details from my children out of fear that I’d look like monster to them.
Perhaps if I had served in a war that was actually about protecting our country or making the world a better place I’d feel differently. Instead, I did my part to ensure profits were had for various corporations and contributed to the estimated 100,000+ dead Iraqis.
...your conflicted feelings about your service. But the fact remains, when your country called you answered that call, and that deserves heartfelt thanks. So thank you.
I hope you also are able to avail yourself of the many services the VA provides. There are so many there who had similar experience to yours, and so many caring, knowledgeable folks there who "get it." You deserve all those benefits and more.
I was proud to work for 7 years at our nearby VA Hospital, where I had my chance as a civilian to "serve those that served." It was great to work in service to our Vets and hear some of their stories. It never felt like a job, but much more of a calling. My Dad was a Navy man and I know how much his VA benefits meant to him as well. It's really wonderful to hear your story of what the VA has meant to you. You and all our Vets deserve all of it and more.
