BREAKING NEWS: Rapidly running out of options, Trump asks Mike Pence to be indicted in his place
Last edited Mon Mar 20, 2023, 01:33 PM - Edit history (1)
As signs continue to indicate that former President Donald Trump may soon be indicted by a Manhattan grand jury for charges stemming from illegal campaign payments, the former President has resorted to a rather unconventional tactic which he hopes may result in him avoiding criminal charges.
Specifically, Trump has reported reached out to his former Vice President, Mike Pence, and asked that Pence agree to be indicted on all charges in place of Trump.
The former President laid out his unusual request during a recent interview with conservative news network One America News.
“Our country right now is going through trouble like has never been seen before,” Trump said. “It’s unfair, totally unfair to me, but even more importantly, it’s unfair to all of you, and by you, I mean you, the American people. It’s something that frankly should have never happened, and would have never happened if Mike Pence would have simply done the right thing and refused to certify the fraudulent and phony 2020 election results.”
“It’s all Mike Pence’s fault, sadly,” the former President continued. “And because Mike lacked the courage to do that day what he knew what was right but did not do, now we have tens of thousands of loyal Americans who did nothing more than peacefully and patriotically make their voices heard on January 6th currently sitting in dungeons hundreds of miles beneath the surface of Washington DC, all chained to the wall and repeatedly subjected to session after session inside the dreaded Iron Maiden.”
“The Iron Maiden,” Trump attempted to explain. “Many people think it’s just a rock band, but as it turns out, it’s something much, much worse than that. It’s something that’s not very nice. And it’s someplace where George Soros and his racist little minions like Allen Bragg and Letitia Willis and the Unspecial Prosecutor Jack Black want to put me, your favorite President, inside of. The Iron Maiden.”
Trump framed his request to the former Vice President as a way to ultimately right what he views as being wronged by his perceived inactions on the day where hundreds of Trump supporters stormed the US Capitol, many of them shouting threats of violence towards Pence and other elected officials.
“Mike, only you and you alone can fix this,” he said. “You can be the one who goes to that courthouse in Manhattan and say, ‘Take me! Take me instead of this innocent man who has done nothing more than love America like America has never been loved before!’”
Trump even went so far as to invoke Pence’s deeply proclaimed religious beliefs in order to encourage him to take the heat for any charges against him.
“Mike, do you recall the story of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ?” Trump asked. “Do you remember when Pilate offered to release Jesus, but the crowd refused and demanded they release Barnaby instead? Well, this is your chance, Mike. You get to be Barnaby in this story. Except this time, you get be the one who saves your savior. Our savior, the savior of America. Who is me.”
He further attempted to dissuade any fears that Pence might be in danger of conviction if he were to agree to be indicted in Trump’s stead.
“I mean, come on Mike, you’ll be fine,” Trump insisted. “Think about what they are so very falsely and so very wrongly accusing me of. Having sex with some woman, some porn star, some Horseface, who anyone knows I would never find attractive or ever want to have sex with unless I actually did or wanted to. Meanwhile, you’re a guy who refuses to even stand within 20 feet of any woman who isn’t your wife. Once they realize that, they won’t hold you for more than a second, I promise you.”
“Or no more than two to three years, tops,” he quickly added.
Meanwhile, Pence has not reportedly come to any final decision as to Trump’s request.
“The Vice President believes that the potential charges being levied against former President Trump, if in fact true, would represent an unforgivable breach of the public’s trust by the former President and that he should not be afforded any sort of special status or privilege under the law simply because he once held the highest office in the land,” a spokesperson for former Vice President Pence said. “The Vice President also believes that the authorities are subjecting former President Trump to an unfair witch hunt for no reason other than the fact he was once the President and that they really should spend their time and resources on other things instead of needlessly prosecuting him on a mere frivolity.”
The spokesperson continued on by saying Pence will come to a final decision after “praying” on it, and that he currently is in the process of consulting his peers as to what his ultimate course of action should be.
“The Vice President recently sought out former Vice President Quayle for his advice as to this extremely hard and difficult decision,” the spokesperson noted. “He is also seeking the input of several other very prominent Indianans, including basketball legend Larry Bird, Screen Actors Guild Award winning actor and Breaking Bad star Dean Norris, noted singer-songwriter John ‘Cougar’ Mellencamp, and comedian Mike Epps.”
DETAILS AT ELEVEN.
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Dean Norris 
But you might want to call Dean Norris to be 100% sure. 
Not sure if that’s a good thing though. 
I thought for sure it was from a major site, you need to be a writer! 