BREAKING NEWS: Trump to hold campaign event in the Swedish community of Harga
Fresh off a campaign rally in Waco, Texas on the 30th anniversary of the deadly standoff between federal authorities and members of the Branch Davidian cult near that city, the 2024 presidential campaign of Donald Trump has announced the location of its next campaign event. And unlike all previous Trump rallies, this event will be the first to take place overseas in Sweden.
The event is scheduled to take place in Harga, a small, rural commune located approximately four hours north of Stockholm, and was planned by Trump campaign staff at the suggestion and full encouragement of Harga village authorities. Most notably, rather than being confined to a single night’s festivities, the rally will actually run the course of a nine-day period in late June.
Campaign officials promise supporters will be treated to a spectacle like no other, as there will be no shortage of activities for attendees underneath the long Swedish summer’s sun.
“There will be things for Trump fans of all ages to see and do while in Harga,” a campaign spokesperson said. “Arts! Crafts! Music! Meat pies! Rune carvings! Group breeding sessions! And for our more senior crowd, cliff diving!”
One of the more ambitious events on the schedule will be an hours-long dance contest, where contestants will dance in a circle to an endless, incessant looping of singer-songwriter Natasha Owen’s campaign anthem, “Trump Won and You Know It!”
“The last person left dancing after all others have collapsed from sheer exhaustion will be awarded the prestigious title of ‘MAGA Queen,’” the spokesperson explained.
All Trump supporters planning to attend will be given complimentary sets of traditional garb worn by local Harga villagers—that being a simple white tunic and floral headdress—although a select few will be encouraged to come dressed in costume, such as a bear.
“The bear, of course, symbolizing the bearishly strong economy that will result when Donald Trump is returned to office,” the campaign spokesperson said.
The spokesperson was then reminded that the symbol for a strong, growing economy was actually a bull, not a bear.
“Whatever,” he replied. “I had a fifty-fifty shot, and I tried, so just cut me some slack, okay? I’m very new at this thing.”
The festival will conclude on the ninth day with a three-hour long speech by the candidate himself, set to the backdrop of a massive bonfire-type spectacle.
“President Trump will deliver a fiery message of hope to his supporters, where he will outline his new vision for America, explain policies he wishes to implement in his next term, and complain endlessly about the various legal investigations he sees himself being unfairly subjected to,” the spokesperson said. “But in all honesty, really just that last part.”
All in all, Trump campaign officials promise the Harga event will leave fans of the former President “screaming, with delight.”
“After supporters of Donald Trump arrive in Harga, I promise you, they will never leave,” the spokesperson was quoted as saying.
“Want to leave,” he very quickly corrected himself. “They will never *want* to leave.”
DETAILS AT ELEVEN.
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I knew it was a shot in the dark, but I figure at least someone else here had seen it.
