BREAKING NEWS: Special Counsel Jack Smith forced to cancel planned Russian vacation
Jack Smith, the Special Counsel charged with the investigation of former President Donald Trump regarding allegations of misappropriated classified documents as well as his actions leading up to the January 6th Capitol Insurrection, has been forced to cancel a personal vacation he planned to take to Russia this summer.
Smith was among a list of over 500 American individuals who were sanctioned by the Kremlin earlier this week, thus foreclosing any possibility of him traveling to the country that is currently embroiled in a bloody war with neighboring Ukraine.
Smith had reportedly been planning a vacation to Norilsk, located in Siberia well inside the Arctic Circle which holds the distinction of being the northernmost city in the entire world. Norilsk has a population of roughly 200,000 and is best known for its short life expectancies and heavy mining and smelting of the nickel deposits held beneath its frozen surface.
Sources close to Smith describe him as “extremely disappointed” that he will be unable to make the trip.
“They say one has not truly lived until he or she has breathed the thick, heavy metallic air of Norilsk,” one of Smith’s close friends explained. “Jack was so looking forward to taking it all in.”
The sanctions mean Smith will not be taking the approximately 25-hour flight (with several layovers) to the area, not including the additional hour and a half it takes to get from the airport to the city proper via snow truck.
Additionally, Smith will be forced to eat the cost at the Hotel Norilsk—one of only a few lodging options in the city—where he had upgraded to a premium “Smokestack View Room” package.
Had his plans not been derailed, Smith reportedly had planned several days’ worth of recreational activities in Norilsk, including taking in the city’s many Khrushchyovkas (Soviet era apartment buildings), aimlessly riding the city’s street cars back-and-forth from one end of the town to the other, and a day-trip excursion to nearby Talnakh, presumably also for the purposes of looking at more Khrushchyovkas.
“Jack was perhaps most looking forward to spending an entire carefree day of fun, adventure and whimsy visiting the Norilsk Golgatha,” Smith’s friend noted, referring to the city’s monument erected in memory of the tens of thousands of Gulag prisoners who died from harsh forced labor conditions during the Soviet era.
Smith was also said to have wanted to take some personal reflection time during his now-canceled Norilsk holiday.
“He told me all he really wanted to do was to walk alone through the streets of Norilsk, huddled up tightly in a heavy winter coat, while the wind mercilessly blew snow and ice against his frozen cheeks,” Smith’s friend said. “All of this to remind himself that in the end, life is really not that much different than death, Heaven no different than Hell. But alas, it will never come to pass for him.”
With the time he was scheduled to be spending on his Siberian getaway now unexpectedly open, Smith will have to find other ways to spend his free time.
“I guess he’ll just have to use that all time working to indict Donald Trump instead,” Smith’s friend remarked. “Such a pity. Such a shame.”
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And yes, Norilsk is a very real place.
