Just to add some support. I don't recall what year my middle son died.

[JohnnyRingo]

It was the '80s but I'd have to look it up. One reason was the therapists doped me up pretty good to ease all consuming the burden on my mind. Lot of Valiums.
I believe my mind has blocked a lot of that trauma out, and it doesn't really matter to me which specific year or date it was. It was a black year, but I largely recovered thanx to professional help.

I know what year Mathew was born, what little league team he played on, and what his favorite color was, but the tragic day that I got the news that he drowned face down in the creek is behind a locked door in my mind. I still shiver and tear up when I think of it.

I hope a reporter never asks.


[img][/img]

[spooky3]

1. I'm so sorry. Heartbreaking. He was a beautiful child. Nt

[Deuxcents]

2. (((hugs)))

[Diamond_Dog]

3. I'm so sorry, Johnny.

Being a mom of 3 sons, I don’t think I could go on living after such a tragic accident. Your Matthew is a handsome boy. (I have a Matthew, too)

Maybe the best place for that time is behind a locked door.

[livetohike]

4. I'm so sorry Johnny. Sending hugs for the loss of your

beautiful boy .

[XanaDUer2]

5. HUGS

[Goodheart]

6. I had open heart surgery several years ago.

And I don't know exactly what year that happened. Not that that in any way compares to losing a son.

But I totally understand. Sometimes we only store those things we care to store.

[JudyM]

7. Powerful testament

I’m so sorry, so much anguish. That photo is touching… an ordinary but extraordinary day.

[Disaffected]

8. Sincere condolences to you and family.

I don't have kids but my father and mother are both gone and I couldn't tell you their years of death either. You are right - the year of death is of little importance to those who were close.

Just further reason why Hur's and the media fixation on such a hurtful irrelevancy is so disgusting.

[cally]

9. A beautiful child

And I’m glad you remember the important moments that are joyful. Many hugs.

[blm]

10. ((Johnny))

[yardwork]

11. I'm so sorry for your loss.

So very sorry.

[Karma13612]

12. I can't remember

What year my Mom passed. I loved her dearly, but I have a terrible memory.
It’s gotten a bit worse now that I’m just shy of 70. But my memory has ALWAYS been bad.

[Trueblue1968]

48. My momma died 60 years ago when i was 13. I can never remember the day.

My

Mind

Won't

Let

Me

Remember.

I am so sorry dear for your loss. Take care, True.

[GreenWave]

53. I remember the day, not the year when my mom died.

She was a big JFK fan. So she died one Nov. 22nd.

[Karma13612]

65. 1963

I remember because I was 9 years old when he was assassinated. I was born in ‘54.

I am sorry for your loss as well!

[Karma13612]

64. Thank you Trueblue1968

My Mom was very special and we never appreciated her enough.
Sending hugs your way also. You didn’t get much time with yours. That must be hard.

[Trueblue1968]

66. My moms deathwas horrible. I was only 13.

She die same year as jfk.

[Karma13612]

68. ❤️❤️❤️

[LiberalFighter]

13. What matters is that you remember him.

[pnwmom]

14. Thank you for sharing that and I completely understand.

A child's birthday is something you'll celebrate the rest of your life. But their death is unbearable.

My parents lost a child and they never did anything to mark her death. They often talked about her, but they wanted to focus on her LIFE, not her death.

[mzmolly]

15. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[LoisB]

16. What a handsome child. I am so very sorry for your loss.

[Think. Again.]

17. Thank you for sharing that...

...it's not only in support of Joe Biden, it has also touched me in my own grieving, and no, I don't know offhand what year I lost her...

[twodogsbarking]

18. What they all said. Thanks for you posts.

[niyad]

19. hugggggs

[malaise]

20. My siblings are stunned every year when

I note the anniversaries of deaths of grandparents, aunts and uncles, our parents and the one sibling who died. Most of them never ever remember.
That is human reality.

[appleannie1]

21. Same here. I think my oldest died in 88 but I am not positive. And I am not sure what year my hubby died either.

I think it is an automatic reflex of our brains to hurt so bad we can't deal with it.

[Dear_Prudence]

22. Thank you for sharing

Your beautiful tribute to your son comforted me too. I remember my parents' birthdays, not when I lost them; I choose to remember the happy times. Hurs is a sorry human being and my guess is that he remembers deaths, but not his wife's birthday or their anniversary.

[Akacia]

23. So sorry for your loss and I completely understand.

I have lost 2 children and can remember when my son was killed because it was the day before a national holiday but a far as when my daughter passed after a lengthy illness I would need to look it up. Losing a child is the most awful pain.

[Jarqui]

24. Why is the date or year so important?

How does what year it was change the result?

The grief is timeless. It never really stops.

[The Unmitigated Gall]

25. Terrible occurrences being locked away "behind a door"

As far as dates and such are concerned, is very normal. In the running tape of our lives, a tragedy like yours is like a splice cut out, and the ends badly glued back together.

Hur's attack on Biden in this area is despicable and disgusting.

Garland's allowing the cheap shot, mere opinion and especially in an area where Hur has ZERO expertise, was unacceptable.

So sorry for your loss.

[chia]

26. My mother's heart grieves for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

[sinkingfeeling]

27. I'm so sorry. How terribly tragic. I doubt if I could have survived such a loss.

[Mr.Bill]

28. The only way I can remember some things

is to connect them with another event that happened around the same time. For instance, I remember the month and day my mom died because it was a few days before my birthday. I remember the year because the last conversation I had with her was a phone call a few days before she died when she asked me what was a good channel to watch the Democratic convention on. This was 2004.

[patphil]

29. My mother died in 1984; can't remember what time of the year it was, let alone the date.

My father I'm better with. He died less than two weeks before Christmas, 12/14/78.
The holiday was a disaster for the family, so it got deeply imprinted.

[democrank]

30. So sorry, Johnny.

Hold on to memories of your sweet boy.

[Tree Lady]

31. Sorry for your loss

I don't remember the day my dad died, I am not one to keep anniversaries some people aren't. He was my best friend, my person, my everything. I grieved heavy for years after he died. I know it was Sept and I know it was 2000 because that is easy and I was happy he missed the Bush shit would have driven him nuts.

My memory at 67 is worse than Joe's and my mom who just died few months ago at 96 remembered everything.

[SLClarke]

32. Remembering huh!

I don't remember when my grandson was murdered. To make sure I send a card to my daughter, I put it in my calendar every year, otherwise ............... ??
And, if Xmas is on a Tuesday or Wednesday, it takes me a couple of weeks to remember what day it is, and, I am not always sure which is left and which is right (hands, directions).
Hur really transgressed with this. His brief was to look at whether or not Biden had kept classified records. Hur had no right and no business commenting on anything else.
Another Republican, political hit job, smear campaign!

[Wild blueberry]

33. Thank you for the picture of your beloved Matthew

Your love for him is vibrant.

[limbicnuminousity]

34. Really infuriates me.

President Biden, please close your eyes and remember the finest details of one of the most painful moments in your 81-year life. Remember the anguish. Remember watching the last breath fade. Got it? Now, what color slippers did you wear the night before? And what day of the week was it?

The freaking National Enquirer had more decorum reporting on the latest bigfoot sightings.

[mahina]

35. Oh (((Johnny)))

Peace to him, and comfort to you.

I don’t remember the year of the Vietnam war ended unless I look it up, but in a few ways it took my father from us.

I read you.

[MustLoveBeagles]

36. I'm very sorry Johnny

He was a handsome boy.

[lucca18]

37. Johnny, I am so very sorry for the loss of your son.

Thank you for sharing the beautiful photo of Matthew..❤️

[Ms. Toad]

38. I remember very few years - I'm better at dates, but not perfect.

Rote memorization is just now how my mind works.

I can't remember the years my parents were born. I remember the year my father graduated from high school because for a while I wore his class ring. I know he was 16 when he graduated from high school - and because of when his birthday is relative to when graduation is, I know he had not yet graduated yet - so I have to add a year to his age then subract 17 from his graduation year to get his birth year.

My mother was born 24 days after my father (in the next year). So that gets me her birth year.

I can't remember the years any of my siblings were born - but I can calculate them because for a brief period each of us is one year older than the next youngest. So I have to calculate how old I am (can't remember that either), figure out how old each of us would be during that brief period, compare the current month to that month, and do a similar calculation as I do for my father to get their birth years.

I can't remember the year my daughter was diagnosed with a disease that - at the time - carried a prognosis of 10 years to death or transplant. Not an insignificant thing. But I know it was the second semester of her first year in college - and I can get to that starting with her birth year.

Not unrelated, I'm sure, I could never remember most of the trig formulas. I had to have them written out - or start with the few I remember and reason the others out.

Our brains all work differently. Some of us memorize lots of facts (not me) and some of us have to find a thread and reason our way to the answer to the question asked. Another of my gifts is embracing the silence when I'm expected to answer - so if I were asked any of the above questions it would be followed by a period of silence while I went through the mental calculations while I follow the thread that will lead me to the answer. I'm sure there are a lot more variations - none superior to any other way of accessing information.

[Evolve Dammit]

39. I am so sorry for your loss. It never goes away completely. Sweet picture

[mgardener]

40. I am so so sorry about your son

My 5 day old son died.
I know the year but I sometimes mix up his birthdate and the day he died.
My dad died when I was 10. It was almost 60 years ago and I sometimes have problems remembering the year. I always have.

[senseandsensibility]

41. It must have been difficult for you to write this

I never share intensely personal stories on DU for that reason. I am so sorry for your loss and for giving some details about what really happens when someone is grieving.

[JohnnyRingo]

46. I cried when I dug up that pic.

It doesn't go away, but I learned to deal with it for self preservation.

[Katcat]

42. I am so sorry

I’ve lost both parents and two brothers and I cannot give you the years either. And the last brother that passed away did so just a few years ago. I’ve come to the conclusion that most r republicans are just subhuman assholes.

[Joinfortmill]

43. God bless

[sinkingfeeling]

44. So sorry for your loss. I don't believe I could survive such an ordeal.

(Don't know what happened to my 4:30 PM reply)

[FailureToCommunicate]

45. It doesn't really matter when the exact date was, the pain is so blurred, it hardly matters. AND...

it's NEVER something to ridicule someone about!

So very sorry that this happened to your family.

So sorry that you had to think of it again at this time.

[murielm99]

47. I am so sorry.

I don't remember the act date o my first husband's death either. I would have to look it up.

[GoodRaisin]

49. I cannot even imagine your grief and am so sorry.

[calimary]

50. Oh, man... I'm so sorry.

It still hurts. I totally believe it. Some things are just so much harder to get over, or get beyond, or somehow come to some sort of terms with…

Thank you for sharing his photo. It’s something we can all cherish.

[Maraya1969]

51. Oh my God Johnny. I am so sorry for your loss. And thank you for sharing it here with us

[True Blue American]

52. Blocking thins like that out.

My young Son has blocked out memories of a good share of his childhood when he lost his olber brother in an accident.

I was put on a mild sedation until I realized we had problems, but I could not get myself together enough to care. I quit taking the Librium, although my Doctor said I should. And it was the lowest dose. I have never allowed anyone tp give me anymore.

[leighbythesea2]

54. Thank you SO much for

Sharing this. How heartbreaking, the loss of a child has no equal, and the pain never ends. Have not experienced it, but a friend has, she said the days go by—and you cope better, that is all. Am so sorry for your loss. Your brain was protecting you, allowing you to survive each day.

This made me feel better personally bc my mom just passed in December. She had Alzheimer’s for 10 years. In some grace she did not pass from the disease, but by her heart condition .I was her caregiver for 7, and am going through the grief, of course.
One thing I noticed is I CANT KEEP STRAIGHT WHAT YEAR IT IS. Among other brain fog symptoms. As a caveat, in my job I’m working on 2025 product. However, I keep thinking it’s 2023 at various points, pausing on dates when needing to write them, etc.
I was worried, but seeing this—& the replies—it’s made me think, maybe it’s part of being in a mourning state. So thank you again. It could not have been easy to share.

[AllyCat]

55. Beautiful child. I am very sorry for your loss.

[Duppers]

56. My sincere condolences.

I'm the opposite in that I do remember what year my baby daughter died.

[AncientOfDays]

57. My own experience says Hur is something more than wrong

My firstborn, daughter, died 10 days after birth. I remember many details of that day - but not the time/date. I can only remember the year, because her brother was born the following year.

My memory of the exact time/date of my wife's death is often hazy - but I remember mourning her death a few days before her body actually died.

I don't know why anyone would be fixated on the exact time/date of a family death - that's not something you usually celebrate - unless perhaps they were evil?

[So_Blue]

58. Much love to you...your Johnny was a beautiful boy.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

59. I'm so sorry Johnny. I understand. My Mom's eyes pleaded for me not to leave her alone in the hospital, but I did.

There's a lot of guilt there, and I tear up at that pushed-down memory. She was a strong woman that was never scared of much, and perhaps that is why I didn't recognize it in her. I had been with her much of the day in the hospital. I told her I needed to get home to feed the kids and would be back later. Well, there was no later. She died shortly after I left. I don't remember when she died unless I look at her Holy Card. Tears are now flowing. I'm so sorry, Johnny. I understand.

That was a ridiculous question to ask our President.

[Mike Nelson]

60. Hits home...

... I had to memorize the years, long after the events. I'm better with births, or stuff like when a Beatles album came out...

[highplainsdem]

61. I'm so sorry you lost him.

[NoSheep]

62. I am so sorry.

I don't know the dates of death for either of my parents...only a vague idea of the month. There is nothing but fog.

[pandr32]

63. The worst kind of heart break and grief.

I cannot imagine. It came close, once. My son at six went missing. For the hours he was gone I felt the pain and panic and thought it was too much to bear. He was found and the relief was immense. I've never forgotten that day, that reminder of fragility, but I could not tell you what day, week, or month it was off the top of my head. My imprinted memory was of the horror.
I am so sorry you lost your dear son. Our children are our precious loves.
What a horrible loss.

[Niagara]

67. {{{ Hugs Johnny Ringo }}}