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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsJovan Belcher case isn't just about gun violence, it's about domestic violence
Last week on my blog I wrote: An Open Letter to Sherri Shepard and Whoopi Glodberg. I've been blogging for seven years. I've received more e-mail about that post than any other post I've ever written. It was my most viewed post of the week. Some of the letters were just heartbreaking, while others made me feel hopeful.
I was thinking after reading the e-mails, that we have a quiet "War on Women" going on .
A war that most people are ashamed to talk about.. Domestic Violence. One of the e-mails I received chilled me to the bone. The emailer said.. "Chris only hit Rihanna. once, and she must have done something to set him off, and he was just trying to keep her in line."
Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend and himself. We don't know if there was a history of physical or verbal abuse, but it seems highly likely. It has been reported that he has had some violent outbursts in the past with previous girlfriends. It starts with a push, a shove, a hit and finally a murder.. If the victim doesn't get out, and sometimes a murder even if the victim gets out.
Women need to follow their instincts and not dismiss uneasy feelings about their mates in the beginning of a relationship. Trying to control your every move, doesn't mean he really cares. Having jealous outbursts doesn't mean he really cares. Treating you with respect and dignity means he really cares. I really wish the MSM and others will use this tragedy as an opportunity to address domestic violence.
According to stats "the number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner." http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence/resources/statistics.html
peacebird
(14,195 posts)I've known women who stayed after the first strike, and it was never, ever the last...
rainlillie
(1,095 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)edited to take out a crappy and uncalled for sentence
rainlillie
(1,095 posts)you understand where I'm coming from. My sister was abused for years. In the end her husband tried to kill her, ended up killing her friend who was trying to protect her and himself. My older cousin was killed in court while attending a custody hearing. So.. I think I know how hard it can be. The point is, before the relationship gets serious, if there's a hint of something not right don't ignore it. Get out, before you have children, before you are married. Whenever we asked my sister about her bruises and injuries, she always lied.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)and so did the threats that he would kill me, the baby, and my family if I ever left. I knew him for more than a year and didn't have a clue that he would ever abuse me. When he showed signs of abusing the baby I took off.
I ended up basically escaping the country with my kid. He tried to find us for 22 years. The only reason my son contacted him was because he had a half sister who also wanted to find him.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)against women is admirable. My cousin was murdered by someone she broke up with a whole year prior. No one saw any signs and apparently she didn't complain about any abusive behavior. I find it hard to believe she put up with any, but it's possible. You can never be sure.
rainlillie
(1,095 posts)intent. I'm very anti-gun, but I do think there are people who can be responsible gun owners. However, there's no such thing as a responsible abuser. I've read things where people were blaming this incident on the fact that he played football. If that's the case how can his past violent outbursts be explained? So far the MSM hasn't addressed the domestic violence part of this story. I think they have the tendency to latch on to a narrative and run with it. I don't believe the MSM can "walk and chew gum," they've proven how incapable they are many times.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)I'm glad you highlighted that there was a history there. I had seen comments that said this incident was out of the blue.
But it's also a concern to gun control advocates, there's no reason to sweep that part of it under the rug.
Great Caesars Ghost
(532 posts)John2
(2,730 posts)it is a power thing with most men that abuse women. He was a football player and the person with the most status in society. I bet there is a lot of abuse going unreported too and this was just a high profile case.
lapislzi
(5,762 posts)Then, chances are, you know someone who is, or has been, or will be, a victim of domestic violence.
Let us be mindful that: 1) nobody gets punched in the nose on the first date. If they did, there would be no second dates. And...2) it's not just the physical violence, although that is the most visible indicator.
My husband didn't strike me (very often), but his verbal, emotional, financial, and sexual abuse was a daily occurrence.
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)is about domestic violence first, guns last.
Thank you for highlighting this fact. To those in this thread that have experienced this horror, I wish you peace and comfort.
joeybee12
(56,177 posts)It is both issues and we need to understand that....knr
ellisonz
(27,711 posts)Firearms were used to kill more than two-thirds of spouse and ex-spouse homicide victims between 1990 and 2005.2
Domestic violence assaults involving a firearm are 12 times more likely to result in death than those involving other weapons or bodily force.3
Abused women are five times more likely to be killed by their abuser if the abuser owns a firearm.4
A recent survey of female domestic violence shelter residents in California found that more than one third (36.7%) reported having been threatened or harmed with a firearm.5 In nearly two thirds (64.5%) of the households that contained a firearm, the intimate partner had used the firearm against the victim, usually threatening to shoot or kill the victim.6
Laws that prohibit the purchase of a firearm by a person subject to a domestic violence restraining order are associated with a reduction in the number of intimate partner homicides.7
Between 1990 and 2005, individuals killed by current dating partners made up almost half of all spouse and current dating partner homicides.8
http://smartgunlaws.org/domestic-violence-and-firearms-statistics/
Great Caesars Ghost
(532 posts)because it wouldn't have made a difference.
rainlillie
(1,095 posts)I don't see this as a gun issue. There are peaceful gun-owners and people do have a right to carry. No one has a right to beat another human being. Yes we should talk about stricter gun laws and outlawing assault weapons, but I don't see this case as being a catalyst for that.
ShadesOfBlue
(40 posts)the #1 cause of death of African Americen men for around that same age is also violence, perhaps gun violence. So you can try making this all about "domestic violence" all you want but the greater, more terrrible truth is that violence itself plagues the African American community. Period.
rainlillie
(1,095 posts)violence. His girlfriend was killed with a gun by her boyfriend, who probably would have found another weapon if he didn't have a gun. He wasn't a victim, his girlfriend was.
Fumesucker
(45,851 posts)Neither problem is going to be solved all by itself, the same cultural memes that drive a high murder rate in general also drive domestic violence and murder.