The Onion on today: 'Fuck Everything, Nation Reports'

[Newsjock]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/

Following the fatal shooting this morning at a Connecticut elementary school that left at least 27 dead, including 20 small children, sources across the nation shook their heads, stifled a sob in their voices, and reported fuck everything. Just fuck it all to hell.

All of it, sources added.

“I’m sorry, but fuck it, I can’t handle this—I just can’t handle it anymore,” said Deborah McEllis, who added that “no, no, no, no, no, this isn’t happening, this can’t be real.” “Seriously, what the hell is this? What’s even going on anymore? Why do things like this keep happening?”

... Americans reported feelings of overwhelming disgust with whatever abhorrent bastard did this and with the world at large for ever allowing it to happen, as well as with politicians, with the NRA, and above all with their own pathetic goddamn selves, sitting in front of a fucking computer instead of doing fucking anything to help anyone—Christ, as if that were even fucking possible, as if anyone could change what happened, as if the same fucking bullshit isn’t going to keep happening again and again and fucking again before people finally decide it’s time to change the way we live, so what’s the point? What the hell is the goddamned point?

[craigmatic]

1. Great article

[KeepItReal]

2. Satire. Truth.

eom

[Cooley Hurd]

4. The greatest satire starts with a seed of truth...

...although this seed is rancid.

[freshwest]

3. Another GBCW announcement from The Onion. Hope they don't give up, seriously.

They handle the worst situations fearlessly.