White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off

[Zorro]

Trump Shaken After Close Brush With Trans Person

In a stunning security breach that reportedly left many top-ranking administration officials vulnerable to attack, the White House was evacuated Tuesday after the building’s trans alarm went off.

Officials confirmed the transgender alert system was triggered during President Donald Trump’s morning briefing, when infrared estrogen sensors in the West Wing detected a large spike in gender fluidity dangerously close to the Oval Office. With an alarm blaring the words “Trans, trans, trans,” the Secret Service initiated a Code Rainbow, which prompted agents to rush the president to safety, place Cabinet members in a hormone-proof bunker, and secure the premises from radical gender ideology.

“At approximately 10:02 a.m., a transgender individual actively approached the perimeter of a highly restricted cisgender-only area,” said Secret Service chief Sean Curran, adding that the trans alarm operated as intended when it immediately cut the lights, initiated a siren, and lowered several trans-resistant blast doors. “Thanks to our brave, quick-thinking officers on the White House security detail, President Trump and the penis he was born with are safe from any harmful hormone therapies or gential mutilation.”

“We train for this,” Curran added. “We are thankful the president was unharmed and remains a straight white cisgender male.”

Staff have yet to return to the White House, where the situation remains gender fluid.

In security video taken from the scene, Secret Service agents could be seen shielding Trump as they quickly outfitted him with a hormone-proof vest and whisked him across the White House lawn, where he was loaded into a Blackhawk helicopter. Upon reaching Andrews Air Force Base, he was reportedly flown to an undisclosed location in an anti-trans jet equipped with technology that allowed it to scan the area for androgyny, gender nonconformity, and other LGBTQ-related threats.

https://theonion.com/white-house-evacuated-after-trans-alarm-goes-off/

[AllaN01Bear]

1. gah. u had me for a minute.

[tanyev]

2. 😂

[Deep State Witch]

3. Dammit, Kaitlyn!

Dammit, Kaitlyn Jenner! You're not supposed to visit the WH where people can see you!

[riversedge]

4. when I first saw -for a few seconds, the OP, I thought of the usual meaning of trans-and oh-maybe it was a

new kink of danger alert --the usual kind-like a fire alarm.

Sad thing is that the WH or other companies might just have such a bigoted system!!

[Old Crank]

5. Funny, knew it was fake right off

Still funny. You can imagine it with this crew.

[patphil]

6. The best thing about "The Onion" is that it actually has you wondering if it's true for a couple minutes.

It's so comically close to Trump World "reality" that you can't immediately just dismiss it as a joke.
So, President Trump was "trans"ported to a safe location while the White House was detoxified.
It's such a relief that he wasn't infected. He might have made his "trans"ition into a RuPaul contestant.
And then we'd really be screwed.

[Aristus]

7. Satire: Still dead.

n/t

[Wonder Why]

8. As soon as I read the title, my first thought was that I wanted to make a humorous comment

about the incident as if it meant an attack by trans people because I figured it just happened to have a name similar to a referral of such an attack but was in reality some incident that was named long before the demonization of trans people. It would have been fun to imagine just what the article turned out to be.

It only took me a second to realize that the article was, indeed, just what I would have written.

You beat me to it, Onion! Keep up the good work. Wish I was part of your team.

[nuxvomica]

9. It's worth reading the whole article