Fuck everyone who doesn't like eggnog

[Bucky]

Source ==> http://www.wnd.com/2012/12/chuck-norris-takes-a-stand-against-eggnog/

[font size="4"]Chuck Norris takes a stand … against eggnog[/font]

Researchers who questioned 2,000 Britons on their holiday travel and diet discovered that the following were the top seven destinations for weight gain over a two-week period.

Whether you’re visiting our great country or a citizen of it, here are my Top 7 tips for navigating around our culture of calories at any holiday food festivity, especially those oft-invited Christmas parties...

• When you enter a party and are offered a drink, start with water, not an alcohol drink, since it can be an appetite stimulant. Drinking a bottle of water before you eat will not only replenish your body with the H20 it needs, but also fills your stomach, makes you less hungry and will even help you lose weight, according to scientists from Virginia Tech reporting in the journal Obesity.

• If you can win the temptation round at the hors d’oeuvre table, you’re well on your way to consumption victory. So fight there to fill your small plate with healthy appetizers, like vegetables – carrots, edamame, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, broccoli or celery with a little organic peanut butter

• Lastly, consider only drinking water or coffee after dinner, and pass up the eggnog, and you’ll spare yourself hundreds of additional calories... One cup of eggnog has 343 calories! It takes 2,100 continual jumping jacks to burn off 8 ounces of eggnog!

I have to say, I'm more than a little disappointed in Chuck Norris, not only in failing to take a stand against rampant anti-violencism breaking out in this country, but in actually resorting to the use of fancy and untranslateably French phrases like hors d’oeuvre and edamame. What the fuck, Chuck?

Americas of the nonthinking variety are turning to you, waiting for you to tell us more about how arming America's bus drivers, first graders, and possibly class's pet tarantulas will prevent the next school shooting. Or perhaps, now that church Christmas displays are underfire too, we need to arm up all of the country's "target pools"--like grocery stores, skate parks, bus stops, and of course Target stores.

Why the silence, Chuck? Why aren't you speaking your mind? I'm sure you've got a well-wrought opinion waiting to enlighten us with. Must we rely on your impressive oeuvre of national security primers to know whether we should focus on gun control or expanding the circulation of weapons to keep our streets and living rooms safer.

In all Chuck Norris's hostage rescues, the gunmen, after siezing control of their hostages (screaming women and children, natch), will usually stop, hold still, and look around helplessly, wondering what's going on while the trained SEALs, black berets, Rangers, or karate school misfits go about taking out the perimeter guards. It's in that moment, the 3-4 minutes when determined nihilistic terrorists of vaguely olive complexion (depending on whom we've bombed most recently) stand about in the middle of the room, when a trained cop, firefighter, theater usher, deacon, line chef, or school guidance counselor can spring into action and take out the bad guys with a flying scissor kick. As I understand it, standard terrorist and lone gun-nut procedure is to then line up and wait to be taken down one at a time by a First Responder of sufficient sex appeal a/o hirsuiteness.

<== Hirsuiteness, definitely the hirsuiteness

It all seems so easy when you explain it, Chuck. I should buy a Total Gym, maybe, just to keep busy until you come out and tell us how you think we can all be safer. Or maybe I could work on my lunges.

[Liberal Veteran]

1. Can I get a pass for being lactose intolerant?

I like eggnog. The feeling isn't mutual however.

[Bucky]

7. Dude, Chuck Norris is all about the intolerance.

The point is, be scared all the time and let them have their guns. Someday we'll have tax cuts and the free market will fix the problem, whatever it is.

[MNBrewer]

2. Egg nog is disgusting

but feel free to fuck me.

[merrily]

6. I see what you did there.

[merrily]

3. I love eggnog made from scratch and without the liquor.

Not sure why anyone would take Chuck Norris seriously, though.

Yes, I realize he takes himself seriously, which only proves my point.

[Sheldon Cooper]

4. Fuck you, Chuck Norris.

Just get bent.

[tanyev]

5. What's Chuck doing worrying about eggnog when he's got 1000 years of darkness to deal with?

[HiPointDem]

8. haters gotta hate.

[quinnox]

9. eggnog is good, but only in small doses

its rich as hell, like some chocolate cakes for example, and moderation is advisable.

[marmar]

10. I had an eggnog latte.....that sh*t made me ill.

nt

[SidDithers]

11. Here's Chucky getting his ass kicked by Bruce Lee...

Watching Chucky get pummelled puts me in a Christmas mood.

Sid

[MrSlayer]

12. Chunk Norris is afraid to die because Bruce Lee is waiting to kick his ass again.

I hate Chuck Norris, his idiotic right wing beliefs and the stupid meme that he's invincible.

Bruce Lee was the real deal.

[Bucky]

15. I'm not sure you've got much to run with on that "Bruce Lee was invincible" meme.

What with him being dead & what not

[MrSlayer]

21. Haha.

Touché.

[Earth_First]

13. Ugh. My wife came home with a bottle of Evan Williams egg nog tonight...

You couldn't put enough booze in that stuff to make it consumable.

[baldguy]

14. One thing: The only proper mixer with egg nog is rum.

Jesus never put whiskey in His nog.

[Bucky]

16. I believe in the Second Epistle of James it says "And the Lord turned his nog into whiskey."

That was right before this miracle of Jesus staggering across the Galilee.

[DollarBillHines]

22. I have some home-made nog with rum in the fridge.

My neighbor makes it every year and it is fantastic.

It'll probably put four pounds on me.

[madrchsod]

17. i used to but my tummy can`t take that stuff anymore...

[Bucky]

20. Then Chuck Norris has already won.

the thousand years of darkness descends...

[doc03]

18. I love eggnog but it is loaded with calories and fat n/t

[Siwsan]

19. Eggnog with freshly grated nutmeg - the taste and aroma always makes me feel happy

If I chose my food/drink by how many pushups it took to burn it off, well, kind of takes the enjoyment out of eating. Moderation for most of the year allows for indulging during the holidays.

[Freddie]

23. I like the stuff in the dairy case

But it's so rich and sweet a little goes a long way. No one else in the family likes it so I treat myself to a pint of Turkey Hill's finest every year.