Sample Obituary for the United States of America - 250 Years.
I asked ChatGPT to write an obituary for the United States of America in honor of its upcoming 250th Birthday. Here is what the AI system generated.
"Obituary: The United States of America (1776–2026)
The United States of America, long billed as “the greatest nation on Earth,” died on its 250th birthday from complications of hypocrisy, corruption, and untreated delusions of grandeur.
Born July 4, 1776, the country arrived in the world with loud cries about freedom while simultaneously shackling millions in slavery. This pattern of saying one thing and doing another became its defining trait. It spent much of its youth stealing land from Indigenous nations, its middle years overthrowing governments abroad, and its old age screaming at itself on cable news.
Though prone to violence, the United States had some accomplishments: jazz, the moon landing, the Internet, and convincing generations of schoolchildren that anyone could grow up to be president—until it proved the point by electing people who absolutely shouldn’t have been.
The nation’s long struggle with addiction—to money, guns, and denial—finally caught up with it. Despite warning signs, it refused treatment, insisting “this is fine” even as its democracy burned, billionaires looted its treasury, and citizens declared war on reality itself.
The official cause of death was complications from terminal partisanship, untreated inequality, and a final overdose of authoritarianism.
The United States is survived by a handful of billionaires, countless corporations (all legally recognized as “people”), and a population still arguing over whether facts exist. Its last will and testament leaves thoughts and prayers to the poor, tax breaks to the rich, and endless paperwork to everyone else.
Services will not be held, as the deceased insisted on “thoughts and prayers only.” Memorials may be found at shuttered factories, flooded coastlines, and crumbling bridges near you.
In lieu of flowers, mourners are asked to register to vote—though it probably won’t help."
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