The city was draped in shadows, a thick fog curling around grimy alleyways as I approached my latest scene of depravity. I'm Sam Diamond --- private eye, but tonight, I felt more like a graveyard shift rustler, swinging through a town where right and wrong were two sides of the same wooden nickel.
They found him sprawled out in a room attached to his oval-shaped office, a palatial dump that had been gilded in the style of a baroque brothel... where every corner reeked of corruption. The body? Oh, it was a sight to behold. The late politician --- weighty both in stature and in sins --- lay there like a rejected piece of beef stuck in his own tanning booth. He was a corrupt politician, con-artist and businessman, but one must be careful: you don’t hog the headlines without making a few enemies. Tonight, however, it seemed the headlines had finally penned his obit.
As I stepped closer, the smell hit me first --- it was overwhelming... a mix of burnt skin, sagging incontinence briefs, urine and cheap cologne. He was oversized, not just in frame but in arrogance. The toupee perched precariously atop his dome—a sad crow's nest of cheap polyester fibers that did a dismal job of hiding the bald truth.
But the tanning booth --- that was my real interest. It sat there hulking in the corner, a metallic beast with the remnants of glaring lights still winking at me. Just before I got my first whiff of cooked flesh, I noted the door was slightly ajar. I made my move. I pushed it open with a slow creak that seemed to be singing the opening note of an aria to celebrate the end of his deceitful life.
At first glance, the evidence screamed malfunction... yet, something didn’t fit right. Was it really just a faulty machine? Or was there foul play brewing beneath the surface? I turned to see his Slovenian wife standing there holding a cigarette in her left hand and a bottle of Russian vodka in her right. In spite of her tightly pulled cheeks, plumped lips and botoxed forehead, I detected an obvious expression of relief and perhaps smug joy.
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