Spurious News: RFK Jr proclaims old, discredited "remedy" as The Cure for Autism!
PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) -- Millions of parents of autistic children are searching for a miracle cure to bring their offspring to a neurotypical state. Today, Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., has presented them one.
"The old ways are the best ways," said Secretary Kennedy. "Clark Stanley's Snake Oil Liniment is guaranteed to rid your child of this disgusting disease. Just a spoonful a day will solve your irritating brat's issues and turn his ass into the mild, submissive tot you've always dreamed of raising."
Clark Stanley, the "Rattlesnake King," introduced in the late 19th Century his "snake oil liniment." When the federal government analyzed his concoction in 1917, it was found to contain mineral oil, beef tallow, capsaicin from chili peppers, kerosene...and absolutely no snake oil at all. The product cemented the term "snake oil salesman" as a synonym for people who sell useless and worthless things.
According to George Q. Daley, MD, Dean of Harvard Medical School, "the nicest thing I can say about recommending Clark Stanley's Snake Oil Liniment for autism is it is totally in line with the thinking of the Trump Administration. It definitely won't cure autism, but since it won't cure anything else that goes without saying. But for anyone considering using it on their children, please rub it on their skin rather than giving them 'a spoonful a day' of it. If your kid swallows kerosene it'll make them sicker than a dog, so please don't make them do it. They'll still have autism, but they won't have autism plus kerosene poisoning."
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Bobby is on the job
