The Borowitz Report-Greenland Suggests Trump Acquire Epstein's Island Instead

[LetMyPeopleVote]

A good idea from @borowitzreport.bsky.social
"Greenland Suggests Trump Acquire Epstein’s Island Instead"
But even better?
Rename Greenland #EpsteinIsland & Trump will never touch it or mention it again!
Are all the MAGA Men rushing to enlist & fight?
Hell No!
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

— Boehlert Media Busters (@mediabusters6.bsky.social) 2026-01-15T14:19:50.959Z

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/greenland-suggests-trump-acquire

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a counterproposal designed to ease tensions with the United States, on Thursday Greenland suggested that Donald J. Trump acquire Jeffrey Epstein’s island instead.

“President Trump has no roots on our island,” Greenlandic government spokesman Hartvig Dorkelson said. “Epstein’s island, on the other hand, must stir many happy memories for him.”

Acknowledging that Epstein’s island “could benefit from rebranding,” Dorkelson said, “More than the Kennedy Center, this is a place that should have Trump’s name on it.”

Meanwhile, Trump ramped up his imperialist rhetoric, declaring that the US needed to own Lapland in order to corner the world market in laptops.

[SergeStorms]

1. Greenland has precious metals and rare earths....

Epstein's island "only" had underage girls and rape rooms. No chance to steal billions of dollars from Epstein's island.

I can't see this as a deterrent for Comrade Krasnov. His tallywhacker doesn't work anymore.

[crud]

2. On a serious note

I bet if Greenland changed their name to Trumpland, and throw in the Greenland Peace Prize as a topper, that might do the trick. They could throw him a big party and parade.