I can't find an appropriate place for this - seeking legal advice, or advice from folks with a malignant narcissist in

[NewHendoLib]

their lives causing issues (and no, I don't mean t*(#p - I guess we are all dealing with one)

From what I've read, it would be wise for our daughter to seek legal representation from a family law firm with an understanding of navigating the challenge of one parent being a malignant narcissist - her current lawyer may be just that, but what her former boyfriend (parent of our grandson) is pulling daily is driving us nuts.

I won't go into it any deeper here - suffice to say that we've found out our daughter's boyfriend (and dad of our grandson, who is 1 year old) has a 15 year (at least) span of drunk driving citations, harassment (e stalking), breaking in and physical assault - alcohol and other substance abuse. He checks all the malignant narcissist boxes - serial liar, manipulator, gaslighter -

We care for our grandson pretty much full time (his mom works full time). We've had a criminal hearing - the lying sack of shit put on a show and the judge was swayed. There is a temporary custody agreement that he continually fights. We know there will be future hearings, fights, etc -

But the big question is how one deals with this sort of monster? His parents have covered up for him and enabled him for years.

So - any words of wisdom? It is fine to take this to DU messages, since I probably shouldn't say more. The asshole and I have a 6 month no contact in place.

thanks friends.

[yellow dahlia]

1. You are indeed in a tenuous situation.

If I can formulate helpful thoughts, I will DM.

There is someone on this forum who is better versed in this topic, than I am. I will alert that DUer to your post.

[mahatmakanejeeves]

2. The only thing that will work is for him to die. You haven't met my family. NT

Last edited Thu Jan 22, 2026, 06:55 PM - Edit history (1)

[highplainsdem]

3. I agree completely with what you wrote in the second paragraph about the type of lawyer you need.

[mercuryblues]

4. My best advice

Is you, your wife and daughter need to sit down and get on the same page how to protect the child. How far are you willing to go. Be prepared and document everything you know he has done, for sure. If you know any of his exes, talk to them, if they are willing.
IOW, you want to be prepared for his crap, instead of reacting to it. Take that power away from him.

Talk to a psychiatrist on how to deal with him. Get the best lawyer you can afford, again ask for recommendations from people you trust.

[bluestarone]

5. Just here to say i feel for you.

If it were my daughter, i could not mention here if he hurt my daughter in any fashion. Social services, i think has to be your starting point?

[unblock]

6. one bit of advice -- not legal but important, imho --

something my parents learned from their therapist in dealing with my brother -- his specific diagnosis wasn't exactly malignant narcissist, but he was dominating their lives in unpleasant ways and impossible to deal with due to his mental issues.

establish clear boundaries in your own life. no matter how big an impact this guy is having on important issues, make time and space that has absolutely nothing to do with this guy.

talk about him and the issues he causes when you need to, but have that safe toxicity-free time and/or place as well.

so you're talking about him all the time, except date night, dinner time, specifically 7pm-9pm, any saturday, whatever time and rules work. maybe the tv room is the safe room where the toxic guy is not mentioned. when and where that topic and that name are simply not allowed to be brought up. just steer the conversation away from that topic. if he was at an event or meeting you want to talk about, fine, just talk everything else about the event besides him. if you realize you have to say something about him, make a note to talk later when you're no longer in the safe time or safe room.


this reminds you that you have a life outside of this person, things he cannot touch or ruin our interfere with, things that have nothing to do with him. it helped my parents reconnect with each other and the rest of their family and friends and hobbies and so on and keep their one problem child in perspective. eventually they got to a point where they realized that they were adult with a happy life with a lot of connections and a lot going on and one of three children was being a pain in the ass. it didn't make dealing with that one child any easier, but it helped them realize they didn't need to let it dominate their lives, and it didn't need to consume any more time than they were willing to give it, which wasn't much as they had happier and more productive ways to spend their time and energy.

don't know if this is anything like what you are looking for but hope it helps give you perspective if nothing else.

in terms of dealing with him in terms of custody battles and so on, temporary restraining orders are your friend, and audio/video evidence of rotten behavior, especially if it violates a TRO is great. if that's relevant to your situation, installing a few cameras might be a great investment, make sure they're properly positioned and recording everything.

also remember that the judge is always going to prioritize the child's interests (or what they officially think is in the child's interests) so evidence of him being an major ass to *you* is not necessarily going to make an impression on a judge, but him showing disregard for his child's safety would be a big deal.

hope it all works out!