Trump beats Danish prime minister to death with Nobel Peace Prize
DAVOS, Switzerland President Donald Trump on Wednesday used his recently-acquired Nobel Peace Prize to bludgeon the prime minister of Denmark to death, sources confirmed today.
The killing occurred during a highly contentious meeting over the fate of Greenland between dozens of world leaders at the World Economic Forum in Davos, where the 79-year-old president reportedly lunged at Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen and struck her repeatedly with a framed Peace Prize Trump had received earlier as a gift from Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado.
Im getting Greenland, one way or the other, Trump said while delivering sustained and methodical blows, bloodying the award typically granted to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations over the past year. Indeed, Trump has worked tirelessly since his inauguration to bring much of the world together by uniting them in shared anger at the United States.
Im done thinking purely of peace, Trump added, momentarily pausing to wipe blood from the frame with his tie and checking his reflection in the shattered glass before continuing.
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