"Oh! My little sweetums isn't going to get into Harvard* because of you!" Teaching "the entitled."

[Are_grits_groceries]

"Oh! My little sweetums isn't going to get into Harvard* because of you!" Teaching "the entitled."

"Oh! My little sweetums isn't going to get into Harvard* because of you!"

*Insert any college or university here.

I heard this all the time when I had Parent/Teacher conferences because 'little sweetums' had been punished or had not gotten an A+++++++++++++++.

I remember one meeting which was held because I had given 2 students ZEROES for cheating. One was showing the other his answers. It wasn't even close, and they both admitted it. The parents of the 'show-er' didn't think he was cheating. I never heard from the parents of the 'show-ee.'

They refused to believe it was cheating. I refused to debate the semantics of the situation. They could call it 'out of the goodness of his hearting' for all I cared. He got a ZERO. This didn't compute in their universe because ZERO was a temperature or a nickname for a Japanese plane in WWII, but not a grade.

I was told ad nauseum about what cheating was and wasn't. I was also told I would be held responsible for his failure to get into Harvard or Oxford or whatever ultra-elite school that was the flavor of the month. I told them he was in the NINTH grade and that it was the FIRST month of the school year. He had plenty of time to pull the grade up and make an A. He wasn't doomed, and I didn't require ZERO to be written on his forehead in indelible red magic marker like some educational version of Hester Prynne. They wanted to know if she had gotten a ZERO also.(facepalm ran through my mind)

This was the opening of a new play at Hawthorne High School. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was a major character in this offering. I was hounded for weeks about giving the poor, bedraggled little person a retest. His counselor told me that they did that all the time at the middle school he came from. She didn't agree with it, but that's where a lot of it started.

I finally got so fed up with the almost daily conferences with somebody about it that I told the principal it had better stop. I gave her my written resignation and said that I was leaving if I heard one more word about it. I told her that I didn't have another job, but I thought that blowing grass clippings off medians was preferable to this torture. She said to keep teaching and she would take care of it. I thought she should be able to because she was responsible for 99% of it.

I wasn't sure what the parents thought. I wasn't going to send out a form letter to every school about the incident so the child wouldn't be accepted. Nor did I keep a calendar to remind me in 4 years to find out where he was applying so I could haunt the committee that considered possible enrollees.

These types of children were doomed IMHO. The parents refused to let any type of punishment be given because it would spoil the record of their child. I thought it was better to let them suffer the consequences now which were minor rather than bail them out all the time. They wouldn't be able to bail them out of life later on.

When this topic came up as it inevitably did when parents were running interference, I always wanted to tell them to save up because if they weren't using that cash for Harvard later, they might be using it to post a bond somewhere.

(I know people will now jump in to tell me how their child was unfairly treated in some situation. I'm not against a parent coming to the defense of a child when necessary. I'm dealing with kids who are never wrong no matter what.)

[CousinIT]

1. The parents are raising a bunch of little Donald Trumps. n/t

[NJCher]

2. You won't get that unfairly treated story from me

Because mine is virtually identical to yours, except I was told that in the cheating student’s native culture, “cheating“ was OK. Copying off your neighbor’s paper was the way they did things in that culture. Yes, the president of the college told me that.

[LisaM]

32. Strangely enough, that's somewhat true, not that it should apply here.

My sister-in-law, who is at Notre Dame, went to a conference on ethics years ago up in Vancouver BC, and she had many anecdotes that support that. In some cultures they shared answers, in others they worked together when the teacher left the room, and so on. Overall, the learning was more collaborative, though it's not quite as cut and dried as I am making it sound. Most cultures were against whatever was considered cheating there.

That said, it's made pretty clear when you enroll what is legit and what's not. I have a cousin who teaches at a very prestigious college and what students try to pull on her is unbelievable, all with parental, and often with administrative, backup.

[LiberalArkie]

41. Must have been using corporate ethics rules.

When I was working, about every couple of years we had to pass the mandatory corporate ethics tests.

It was improper to accept a burger from a vendor or competitor
It was improper to accept rides from vendors or competitors
It was improper to accept tickets to a sporting event from vendors or competitors

It was alright to accept a ride on a corporate jet from vendors or competitors

It was alright to accept an invitation to a skybox from vendors or competitors

It was alright to accept an invitation to a gala from vendors or competitors


These were actual questions on our corporate ethics tests.

[Joinfortmill]

52. Jeez. Collaboration is one thing, cheating is another.

[LisaM]

57. I completely agree.

However, listening to what was acceptable in some other countries was illuminating.

But when you come to American universities, you should follow the rules at those universities. Unfortunately, foreign students bring a lot of $$, and college presidents these days are pretty much on the fundraising treadmill 24/7.

[Timewas]

3. Yes

We are paying the price for this type of thing in todays world...Good for you to have stood your ground....

[multigraincracker]

4. I'm afraid this is one of a few countries

that show a low regard for teachers.

[AllaN01Bear]

8. been going on for years.

[rubbersole]

9. And the elderly.

[PatSeg]

13. As well as a low regard for education

[Wednesdays]

23. Indeed, it's not seen as a way to better oneself overall

But merely as a ticket to ride the gravy train.

[PatSeg]

31. True, it isn't about learning

For many it is about financial and political advancement.

[AverageOldGuy]

5. My wife taught high school for 35 years

She took no shit from anyone, which resulted in an occasional unhappy parent and/or a principal getting involved. It also resulted in her being one of the popular teachers because the kids saw through their parents' bullshit.

My daughter taught for seven years prior to heading for law school. She copied her mother.

[Are_grits_groceries]

7. I had certain lines.

If those were crossed, I would stand my ground.
I got along with most of the kids and parents, but there were always some who were special.

[lonely bird]

29. Sounds like my wife

Some stories she had were just odd. One person said they never thought their child would be taught physics by a woman.

She always laid out her rules at the start of each school year. The kids knew where they stood. They also knew that she would do whatever she could to help them.

When it came to discipline she was able to handle most stuff herself. If she had to get a dean involved the dean knew it was a major issue.

[yardwork]

6. Teachers are on the front lines of a cultural shift.

You saw the entitlement, greed, and foolishness before a lot of other people did.

[DFW]

10. Even Harvard sends out a word of advice with its rejection letters

"It's NOT the end of the world if you didn't get in to Harvard." Believe them. They are right. My "little sweetums" didn't get in, first one in 3 generations that didn't. She said to hell with it, it's indeed not the end of the world. She went to another school (still in the U.S.),and then on to a "second tier" law school. It wasn't the end of the world, either, nowhere near it. She ended up making partner in one of the top Manhattan law firms at age 31, almost without precedent, and is sometimes forced to chew out arrogant Harvard grads sent over to intern in her firm's German office who have bad language skills, a terrible work ethic, and nonetheless think the world owes them a living. She is either one of the top attorneys, or else THE top attorney in her field in Europe, and never looked back at her college career. She made the best of it, now earns several multiples of what I do, and end of story. Waving some prestigious diploma in our faces can reasonably be considered a supreme waste of time. Harvard DOES come around asking for donations to this cause or that, since her name is in law journals all over the place. They get the predictable response, (usually nothing, or a polite rejection).

[LisaM]

28. You know, I don't think legacy admissions are always bad.

First, it sounds as if Harvard would have been lucky to get your daughter, but sometimes I think that they have worked so hard to admit people who probably don't belong that they overlook the value and continuity a third-generation student can bring. Or, in the case of Harvard, are probably pressured into overlooking that value.

[Mossfern]

51. My daughter was Valedictorian of her high school

had perfect SAT scores, was a national merit scholar, active in many clubs and sports, and volunteered a bunch. She was rejected by Princeton and she was pissed! She wanted to know why she didn't get in.
She called the dean of admission and insisted that he bring up her application and tell her why she didn't get in.
He did, and said that honestly he didn't know why. Personally, I think it was demographics.

She did start at Johns Hopkins where she had a scholarship and left after her first semester because she didn't fit in...the students were too much of worrywarts.

She ended up at UC Berkley and went on to get her PhD there. I taught her to fight her own battles, and be her own advocate because "mommy" wouldn't always be able to do that for her in the real world. She would have HATED Princeton, and maybe the person who interviewed her understood that, as he was someone from our town who knew her and her unconventional ways.

I was always there to advise her on how to approach conflicts with people in authority.

[NNadir]

59. I live near Princeton and often use their amazing libraries.

I have frequently attended lectures there by faculty and guests, some of which are quite impressive.

However, there are certain academic cultural fixations with which I profoundly disagree, particularly when the subject involves energy and the environment.

I'm quite serious when I state that I sometimes wonder about their ability to add and subtract, to compare numbers and whether there is a penchant to confuse soothsaying with observations.

It is a great institution in many ways but in others hardly oracular.

[Mossfern]

62. Considering

my daughter's doctorate is in the environmental sciences, it was fortunate for her that she was rejected.
Princeton and the area around it are beautiful - I envy you.

[Joinfortmill]

53. Love this. 'Revenge is best served cold.'

[Clouds Passing]

11. I honor your service, grits.

[Jarqui]

12. You are clearly doing the right thing

What message would it send to the kids who didn't cheat if the cheaters got away with it with your knowledge?
As you point out, Grade 9 is a much better time to learn that lesson than later in life.

I had a good friend who had a photographic memory. Generations of his family had finished on top of their medical school academically. He developed a drug-alcohol problem. We tried everything to stop it but failed. It damaged his photographic memory. He got caught cheating in an easy college course. He lied to me about it and I tried to defend him. We appealed. School had him dead to rights. They gave him a zero which killed his chances of getting into medical school. His family donated a bundle that helped him get through law school. Not too long after that, he inhaled his vomit from a bender and died. Very painful loss but the school did the right thing.

[enigmania]

14. They'll learn to cheat their way through life. A habit that never occurred to me.

Repukes in the making.

[cab67]

15. I've encountered the end result of this process at the college level.

Not as many as you might fear, but a few. They treat grades not as goals to be achieved, but as commodities to be negotiated. If they do poorly on an exam, they can't understand why I won't just let them re-take it or add a few points to reflect their effort.

I don't know if your experience was at a public or private school, but I've also occasionally had "do you know much I pay in tuition?" given as a reason to reconsider a grade. I'm at a public university, and from what my friends have told me, it's even more commonly heard at private institutions. They think they're paying for a diploma, not for an education.

[Hoosier_Progressiv]

18. Cheating is never OK at any level.

I taught at a university's regional campus. They started this notion of "students are our customers." I said if that is the case, I when a student complains about a grade, I will turn that F to an A because the "customer" is always right. This shocked my dean, who after I stated this a few times, dropped the tag line: "students are our customers."
Like most Boomers, I was taught I had to earn things.

[LisaM]

34. That is so true, and it's hurting academia.

Look at the way the GOP is treating student loans, as if education should be entirely based on potential earnings.

[meadowlander]

54. Yes, me too.

I had parents insist on sitting in on college level writing tutoring sessions and then calling up my boss to scream at them when their kid didn't get an A. Short of writing the damn essay for them, what was I supposed to do?

It's like a competition to see how many other people we can make the problem here instead of the one person, the kid, who can actually do something about it.

[Aristus]

16. I could never be a teacher.

Never mind bratty, ill-behaved, intellectually incurious kids; I wouldn't want to have to deal with their parents. You can always send a rotten kid to the principal's office. You can't do anything to get rid of shitty parents.

I quit seeing pediatric patients because of shitty parents.

[Are_grits_groceries]

20. I spent part of my career teaching in the suburbs of Washington, DC.

EVERYBODY in that area thought they were important. The parents would come in and announce their position. “I am a colonel at the Pentagon.” “I am an opera singer and I will be leaving for NYC when
i leave here.”
Meanwhile I was thinking “I DO NOT CARE!”
I got along with most of the kids. It was the parents and administrators that drove me crazy.

[3catwoman3]

30. "I quit seeing pediatric patients because of shitty parents."

In peds, you always have 2 sets of patients - the kids, and their parents. The atter are often harder to e=deal with.

In my first private practice job after getting out of the Air Force nurse corps, my 3 physician employers warned me about a dad who was an attorney who would try to get things treated over the phone without bringing his daughter in to be examined.

He called on a Saturday, shortly before 12:00 noon, saying his daughter had a sore throat and demanding an antibiotic because she was in a play later that day, at 5 PM. He tried to play the, "I'm a lawyer" card. (So fucking what, I'm thinking.)

Having been forewarned, I was ready for him. I said something along the line of, "It would be malpractice for me to treat something I can't accurately diagnose, and even if this were strep, she would not feel better 5 hours from now and would still be contagious."

I was surprised, relieved, and triumphant when he did not argue.

[Aristus]

43. Well done!

[3catwoman3]

48. I remember feeling pretty anxious, as standing up to bombastic assholes...

...is not one of my strongest skills. Assertiveness does not come easily to me.

[Joinfortmill]

55. Wow. Amazes me. I practically worshipped my pediatrician. He knew his 'shit', if you'll excuse the expression..

[3catwoman3]

58. Expression excused - shit, in all its forms, is a major topic of discussion...

Last edited Tue Jan 27, 2026, 02:22 PM - Edit history (1)

...in pediatrics. Understandably so. Nonetheless, after 45 years, I'd had enough. When I retired, almost 5 years ago, a month shy of turning 70, I promised myself I was never going to discuss poop again except at the vet's office.

If I could determine that first-time parents had a good sense of humor, I would often say to them, "If someone had told you 2 weeks ago that you'd be comfortable talking about poop while you are eating dinner, you'd have said, 'No way!' " They would invariably respond with some variation of, "That's all we talk about - How much? What color? When was the last one?"

And, I never, ever, tell anyone I'm sitting next to on an airplane that I'm a nurse practitioner. Total strangers start telling you stuff that you'd really rather not hear, unless you're in an exam room and getting paid to hear it, and sometimes not even then.

[Joinfortmill]

60. Lol

[SSJVegeta]

17. Harvard has open enrollment degrees that are worthwhile.

It is through their extension program. He can still go without actually getting in, and it would probably be a net positive overall for everybody.

[Are_grits_groceries]

22. Not according to that parent.

By giving him a zero, I had consigned him to a junior college in a Louisiana bayou.

[Bobstandard]

36. You must have expected this reply:

I was a senior exec at a major software company back when that was the deal. We went from $500k in revenue the first year to $500 millions four years later. Around the third year the Board started bringing in all these Harvard and McKinsey guys. The smartest, most effective guy in the place-hire number 7 with tons of founders stock-‘only’ had a (wait for it) certificate from a community college in Louisiana. He had the drawl, the oh-shucks manner and everything. I loved watching guys underestimate him while he picked their pockets.

Thus endith my off topic contribution for the day.

[MineralMan]

19. They Should Thank You!

The kid is in the 9th grade, and you taught a very valuable lesson to that student. If the kid is truly smart, he or she will learn from this and stop taking shortcuts to learning. As you pointed out, the student will have man opportunities to correct that behavior.

For the parents, though, reality has little impact on them. I suspect that they are not teaching their child the lesson that needs to be learned. You are trying to do that. Hold your ground.

If the parents win in situations like this, they prove that they will not be able to give their child the learning that he or she needs. Instead, they will teach lessons that will harm that child for the rest of its life.

[Are_grits_groceries]

24. I told them over and over that a zero would not kill him.

He definitely could make it up by the end of the year. I also said I liked their son and he had made a mistake. I did not think he was a future criminal. He made a mistake and would learn from it. They would not listen.

[MineralMan]

25. I know. They should listen.

They are going to have a difficult time, but not as difficult as their child will. Stupid people.

[Tree Lady]

38. That's true of the kid who didn't study

I think she said the parents who reacted the strongest were the ones whose kid was smart test wise and letting friend copy from him. He also needs to learn that helping someone cheat could have bad consequences, in the long run a inexperienced or non knowledgeable person could cause permanent damage on the job.

I would ask those parents do you want to hire someone who doesn’t know what they are doing?

[mwmisses4289]

21. Similiar issues at the preschool i worked at for many years,

especially with the pre-k group. Some of the parents were always worried their little sweetums wouldn't get into the right elementary school, which meant not getting into the right intermediate school, which meant not getting into the right high school, which meant not getting into an ivy league college, which meant life was over!

Edited to add: sadly for some of these parents, their little sweetums ended up in juvie or worse. Usually the parents who insisted their little sweetums would never do that bad thing, it was obviously the other child's fault, ad naseum.

[debm55]

26. Thank you , Are_grits_groceries. As a retired teacher who taught for 42 years. I saw this happening toward the end of my

career, When I started in 1978, it was totally different with both students and parents. Wish you luck, my fellow teacher.

[txwhitedove]

27. Great post! All blessings to you. My grandparents raised me, and both were teachers.

[JustAnotherGen]

33. I had a run in with a teacher

My sophomore year. It was one of TWO times kindergarten to senior year that my parents took my side.

There is a big difference between teaching a kid a lesson about integrity, honesty, and EARNING what you’ve worked for (not being a cheat) and a high school history teacher stating emphatically “all slaves enjoyed being slaves”.

My dad worked 20 minutes away but was at the school in about 13 minutes to take my side. It ended with him saying "You have to learn to agree to disagree – but not when there is a moral issue at play."

This was a Catholic Prep School 1989.

Your post rocks. The universe bless you. . . ‘Sweetums’ turns out to be an entitled adult loser. They are probably magapubs cheering the violence and gore being inflicted on people in AmeriKKKa.

[PikaBlue]

35. Guidelines Needed

I understand that you are teaching at the high school level; however, it might be possible for teachers to petition the school board for their right to publish guidelines regarding academic honesty. At the university level, we publish guidelines in every course syllabus which spell out all forms of academic misconduct, as well as penalties applied. Guidelines are reviewed during the first class of every course and students must sign a document stating that they received the guidelines and that guidelines were reviewed. Within our department, we formed an Ad hoc Ethical Conduct and Academic Honesty Committee. Faculty met and reviewed cases of student misconduct and assured that appropriate penalties were applied. The reason for the committee was to prevent situations in which students would claim a specific faculty member targeted them unjustly. Although rare, parents could meet with the specific faculty member to discuss the situation. After the initial consult, there parents met with the full Ad hoc committee. On rare occasions, parents might threaten to go to the dean; however, the university had a firm protocol which required that the case be referred to the Judicial Board for review first. Referrals to the Judicial Board became part of a student's official transcript. Is there any way in which teachers could band together to minimize harassment and abuse from parents who refuse to accept consequences for their little darlings?

[malthaussen]

37. Same thing happened to me in first grade.

That is, I showed my answers to a friend and failed the quiz (or whatever it was) because of it. Sure, I thought it was unfair. Still do, in a way, although I can see the point. But I didn't go whining to my parents about it, and they didn't storm the halls of academe demanding that I be made whole.

I never did get into Harvard, though. Of course, it might have been different if I had applied...

-- Mal

[paleotn]

44. Do your own damn work! - my dad

My judgement of fair and unfair had nothing to do with it. He and mom were the arbitrators of such and there was limited appeal. Thus, please don’t tell my parents. Please!!

[haele]

39. My parents were both in education

And I still have a good memory of most of my childhood (almost photographic, just a really bad filing system), and I remember those "little sweetums"...
Ya, most of them ended up being car salesmen or selling Real Estate. Or wandering desk to desk as a "consultant".

[NNadir]

40. When my youngest son was in elementary school I'd greet him with the question...

..."Did you get any "F's today?" whereupon I would announce that a B was the same as an F.

One day he came home in the fourth grade and answered the question with a definitive "yes!" It was a real F on a real science test.

It was a question related to temperature; I recall it as being in third or fourth grade.

I looked at his answer on the question and laughed heartily.

I went to the parent teacher conference when I told the two teachers, one a science specialists the story of my daily question. They said they were surprised at his failed grade since, they said, "He seems to know a lot of science."

I explained to them that his answer was actually correct, if badly stated, since it was kind of a garbled statement about statistical mechanics, to which I been badly conveying to both my sons over the years. We all laughed. It was actually funny. I agreed the F was appropriate since he was not responding to the question as he had been taught in class.

(There were people in that school who punished 4th graders for getting a C.)

My son was a top student all through high school, got a very nice full tuition scholarship at a very good private school. I had spent his high school years warning him not to apply to an IVY, based on outcomes I'd seen over the years. They're fine as graduate schools under some circumstances but can be debilitating for undergraduates.

My was a top student at his University and as he nears completion of his Ph.D at another, has developed into a very fine scientist.

When he was interviewed for graduate school by MIT he announced he didn't want to go there, and cut the process off, and when he did that, I knew I'd done my job as a parent well; as one of his professors told him - I emphatically agree - that it's not the institution that matters, it is the mentor; it is what one learns, not where.

I am obviously very proud of him as a scientist and as a man.

It's horrible the pressure and hovering that goes on with kids. We're going to end up with generations of highly neurotic people. We already have.

[paleotn]

42. Guess I'm just old and grew up in a different time

But I would have taken the zero and begged you not to let my parents know. That zero would be the least of my troubles from such a gross breach of honesty and honor. Just give me the zero and let’s move on. Parents are weird these days.

[Joinfortmill]

56. Amen to that.

[PJMcK]

45. Sounds like you're a great teacher

Stand your ground. The best teachers I had from elementary school through graduate school were the tough and uncompromising ones.

Thanks for teaching that cheating has consequences.

[Easterncedar]

46. One of the reasons I didn't pursue an academic career

I was getting my masters degree and was a teaching assistant for a sophomore history class. I downgraded a paper that was plagiarized. The student whined and I was overruled. The burnout among the professors convinced me I didn't want that career. Also I sucked at teaching.

[Jughead]

47. See....

Karoline Leavitt

[TNNurse]

49. Sweetums was never going to get into Harvard.

[Joinfortmill]

50. Yup, consequences matter...It builds character.

[fujiyamasan]

61. They're not raising resilient kids

The first sign of failure and these kids (or later as young adults) will wilt.

Kids make dumb mistakes. Cheating on a test or homework assignment is one of them. The parents are clearly not able to use it as a teachable moment, and instead blame the teacher because they know they didn’t set the right example in the first place.

Set unrealistic or outrageous expectations and people will cheat. They will lie. They will kill. We see this in government and the corporate world all the time.

Teach your kids some integrity rather than getting an A at all costs.

[3catwoman3]

63. Slightly off topic, but not much. When I was in 3rd grade...

...so 8 years old, report cards had G, S, and NI - Good, Satisfactory, and Needs to Improve.

I got a Needs to Improve in Show and Tell. I'm pretty much an introvert, plus I thought most of what my classmates got up to share was pretty boring, so I wasn't about to get up to say something just for the sake of saying something. I was sternly lectured by my mother that I would need to do better in this, "Because you are going to go to college." Even at only 8 years of age, I was pretty sure a college was not going to care about 3rd grade Show and Tell.

I may have been wrong, as this reticence to speak up came back to haunt me in my last semester of nursing school. in our leadership course. Half a semester spent learning to be what, at the time, was known as the team leader on a nursing unit - sort of an assistant head nurse. The grade was comprised of your clinical score, your test scores, and 5 points for class participation. I had an A in clinical, and A in my test scores, but only 3 out of 5 points for class participation, despite making an extra effort because I knew this was not one of my strengths.

My total points for that class ended up being 1 point shy of the points necessary for an A because of the damn class participation, so I got a B+. I was really pissed that a college version Show and Tell ended up being more influential than the clinical and test grades.