RFK Jr.: 'Time In Hot Cars Helps Babies To Sweat Out Toxins'

[milestogo]

Published: February 17, 2026

WASHINGTON—In a new claim challenging traditional pediatric norms regarding infant safety, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced Tuesday that being left in a hot car could “help babies sweat out toxins.” “Roll up the windows, park in a sunny spot, and let the sun do its magic—in a couple hours, your baby will have all the toxins flushed from its system,” said Kennedy, who leveled criticism at mainstream medical professionals for inflating the dangers of leaving a baby in a hot car and totally ignoring the multitude of health benefits.

“Doctors love to tell you statistics about how it’s dangerous to leave a baby locked in a 110-degree car, but they’re distorting the facts to serve their own narrative. What they don’t tell you is how detoxified and refreshed those little ones feel afterwards. Even just one hour in a hot car can have a huge impact on most babies.” Kennedy went on to state that organ failure and seizures while in the car were signs of poisonous substances leaving the infant’s body.

https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-time-in-hot-cars-helps-babies-to-sweat-out-toxins/

SATIRE

[Blue Owl]

1. I love how this kook has become the Onion's new punching bag

[milestogo]

3. He makes it so easy.

Who would tell the world that they snorted cocaine off a toilet seat?

[sop]

2. This has to be The Onion's least satirical piece of satire in recent memory.

[raccoon]

38. I thought it was real until I scrolled down and saw the Onion link.

[Raven123]

4. Someone help me here. What part is satire and what part is what RFK Jr. really said

It becoming so hard to tell nowadays.

[NickB79]

5. Held my breath there for a second

Until I confirmed it was, in fact, the Onion.

[RandomNumbers]

13. I didn't even check if it was the Onion

until I saw the Onion mentioned in a comment subject line.

I mean, the guy is a kook ... who knows what crazy shit attributed to him is real or satire?

Altho I admit to being relieved, for the sake of defenseless babies, that this was made up.

[Aristus]

24. That's not going to stop stupid, paralyzingly incompetent parents

from doing it anyway.

[dalton99a]

6. Don't forget to let them eat roadkill and lick toilet seats

[OldBaldy1701E]

20. No no... we do coke off of the toilet seats.

The Director of Health and Human Services said so!

[eppur_se_muova]

7. Wow, that lobster is done. nt

[2naSalit]

9. LOL

[2naSalit]

8. I finally figured out who...

He reminds me of...

Does anybody remember that hideous cartoon character, "Munchie Melon"? There was a coloring book, I can transfer an image of it but if you search for it you can see what I mean. He looks like Munchie Melon!

My younger siblings had a copy of the coloring book that someone gave them. My brother and I, somewhat older than the three younger, saw this hideous thing one day and somehow ended up laughing ourselves silly over it and decided it was to scary for our three younger siblings! I don't know if we let them have it or not but we laughed about it for years.

rfkjr looks like that cartoon character.

Just sayin' (Entertainment purposes only.)

[flvegan]

10. Build the immune system snorting coke off toilet seats during their terrible 2s. n/t

[Ferrets are Cool]

11. The world we live in.

When one can no longer tell that it's satire.

[sakabatou]

12. Onion... must you come so close to reality?

[womanofthehills]

33. Actually- it's a real thing people do

It’s a poor man’s sauna .

[Vinca]

14. I was surprised to see it was "The Onion." It sounds like something Wormboy would come out with.

[ashredux]

15. You have to read carefully, cause I thought he really said it

[milestogo]

22. This is his formula:

“Doctors love to tell you statistics about how it’s blah blah blah blah blah, but they’re distorting the facts to serve their own narrative."

[Escape]

16. No shit!

If Wormy announced that strangling people to death eased their stress levels and lead to weight loss...I wouldn't think it was the ONION.

You can't parody absurdity.

[KarenNotKaren]

17. Wouldn't put it past RFK Jr

to really believe this!

[Javaman]

18. How about we try it with him first nt

[womanofthehills]

35. Actually, it's something lots of people do

AI -“Yes, people do sometimes use a parked car as an impromptu sauna by leaving it in direct sunlight with the windows rolled up (or mostly closed) on a hot day. This is a real thing discussed online—Reddit threads, TikTok videos, YouTube hacks, and articles describe it as a "free" or "DIY" sauna alternative, especially in summer when exterior temperatures hit 80–100°F+ (27–38°C+). The greenhouse effect inside a closed car can rapidly push interior temps to 120–140°F (49–60°C) or higher within minutes to an hour, causing heavy sweating similar to a traditional sauna session.

Some folks report doing short sessions (e.g., 10–20 minutes) after workouts for recovery, claiming it helps with relaxation, detoxification through sweat, or heat acclimation (like racecar drivers training for hot cockpits). There are even extreme examples, like Estonians converting old cars into actual wood-fired saunas with chimneys and sound systems.”

[Javaman]

39. maybe because I live in Texas and this is considered insanity. nt

[Escurumbele]

19. I hate the fact that I believed it...In other times I would have laughed right away, but with these baffoons?

Everything unimaginable is possible. Damn!!!

Thank you milestogo for being explicit that it was satire, although I am sure I would have realized it when I saw the link, but nonetheless, we are in such a low that anything crazy like that could easily be true.

[yorkster]

25. I think the Satire alert should come FIRST.

Things are so bad that the satire is all too
believable, especially where bobby the k is the subject of the "article".

[niyad]

36. That id why one checks the link.

[yorkster]

40. But the link is at the bottom...

I was already sputtering mad by the time I saw the link, at which point I sputtered even more at having been "Onioned".

I mean let's face it - if it's Bobby, it's believable, no matter how outrageous.

Someone upthread in effect asked L'Oignon to have mercy. There's the end times and the Wit's End Times. Feels like we're in 'em.

[niyad]

21. I had to check the link!

[Aristus]

23. Satire: Still dead.

n/t

[Norrrm]

26. Why does it seem so credible to believe he would say such a thing?

[tulipsandroses]

27. He's such a wackadoodle, he might just think this is a great idea

Will we ever be normal again??

[Jack Valentino]

28. Oh good god--- I believed so much that this was real,

I was about to post that we should put RFK Jr into a hot car,
along with all other MAGGOTS, to 'sweat the toxins out of HIM'
before I saw it was The Onion....


The thing he recently said about "snorting cocaine off of toilet seats"
SHOULD HAVE BEEN The Onion..... but it WAS NOT.....

[highplainsdem]

29. I was hoping that would be from The Onion, but with RFK Jr, you never know. Thank God it was The Onion

this time.

[Iggo]

30. I hate how long it took me to catch on.

And I’m not even kidding.

[Emile]

31. It's almost believable. Kennedy is weird.

[Sogo]

32. I've said it before: The Onion is no longer funny.

Life in the US is now beyond satire....

[ColoringFool]

34. Caught Me AGAIN! 😳 But Is It On Me, Really---Or RFKJR?!

[QueerDuck]

37. Good satire is always just a little bit believable...

... this is good satire.

[LymphocyteLover]

41. I honestly could not tell this was the Onion until I saw the link