Office Hours: Would you have dinner with a strong Trump supporter if you didn't have to? -- Robert Reich

[justaprogressive]

Friends,

I consider myself tolerant. My preferred self-image is someone who enjoys meeting all kinds of people with all sorts of views. I tell my students that the best way to learn something is to talk with someone who disagrees with you.

But yesterday I got an invitation from a friend to a dinner party she was organizing, with a warning that she was also inviting someone I’ll call Jim.

Jim is a dyed-in-the-wool Trump supporter. He was entranced by Trump in 2016. He thought that Trump won the 2020 election and it was “stolen” from him. He contributed money to Trump’s 2024 campaign. Jim worships Trump.

Our paths crossed briefly several years ago at a cocktail party. When Jim began praising Trump, I wanted to puke. Instead, I left the party and haven’t seen him since.

My friend’s invitation to her dinner party to which she’s also invited Jim is putting me to the test. I really don’t want to go. I cannot stomach the idea of talking with him. And yet, what about my preferred self-image? What about my admonition to my students? What about my supposed tolerance of different views?

https://robertreich.substack.com/p/office-hours-would-you-have-dinner

[Deuxcents]

1. If I didn't want to go, I wouldn't go nor feel I have to apologize or come up with some excuse. Be yourself

[markodochartaigh]

2. I tolerate everything except intolerance.

If I genuinely had the opportunity to change someone's mind that might be different. But deprogramming someone from a cult is not something done by a casual acquaintance at a party, it is a long process done by specialists under controlled conditions.

[struggle4progress]

3. It's irrational to be rational in an irrational world

[usedtobedemgurl]

4. Tolerance is one thing -

You like vanilla, and I like chocolate. Ok, fine. Do you tolerate Hitler? Of course not! Not if you are sane. These people are crazy, and I honestly do not do crazy. I do not handle it well because it is a medical issue. I am not a,medical professional. I cannot prescribe anything for them or talk through therapy. There is nothing I can do to help them. And, in fact, I am not sure they will not harm me, because they are crazy. If I told you to walk down an alley where people are known to be mugged, would you? I hope not.


I do not do crazy. I have cut folks out of my life for being crazy. I am fearful of crazy people because they are not grounded in reality. Would you go to an asylum and decide to tolerate folks who are not sane? That has nothing to do with tolerance, does it? It has to do with being safe.

I hope you are sage and well.

[pandr32]

5. I would decline the invitation.

He already made you leave last time and your host has warned you he is invited. She knows you are in a spot.
Thank you, but no way to her. Life is stressful enough without facing a nazi supporter.

[durablend]

6. HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO

98% of them aren't going to take anything from you and just dig deeper into their hive.

[AZJonnie]

7. Depends a lot on the occasion and how many people would be there that I DO want to talk to

I would not let some fuckhead magat loser keep me away from someplace I really want to be, spending time with people I genuinely like. I might even take the opportunity, if it arose, to literally put my hand up and say "I have no use for speaking to anyone in the Trump Cult" and walk away.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

9. I follow an ex-Moonie on YouTube: Cult Expert-Dr. Steven Hassan. He gives excellent advice on dealing

and talking to cult members. He says ask open ended questions, and follow-up with questions. Ask about the recent books read, ask if any are fiction. Etc. He was a high ranking Moonie, and escaped through the help of family and friends.

I'm still alienated from my MAGA family. I think part of that might be because of their total disregard and disrespect for me. A couple of them were drunk and dancing to a tRump "victory" at one family event. I left. I figure I don't care enough about them to try and mend fences.

[Floyd R. Turbo]

10. I never get invited anywhere, so......no problem!

[niyad]

11. That is not true! You have been invited to go to several places,

more than once!

[Floyd R. Turbo]

12. "Go to.....!" Is not an invitation!😈

[niyad]

14. I humbly stand corrected!

[Floyd R. Turbo]

15. 😈

[mwmisses4289]

13. Wish I could read the rest of the article, but its subscription only.

Why is your friend inviting this guy if she knows he's a problem? Is she having to let other guests know this guy is coming?
If you end up having to talk to him, you could always smile politely and say either I don't talk to pedophile supportesrs or I don't talk to people who hate America and then walk away.

[niyad]

16. The most important question: will there be wine?

[ColoringFool]

19. For Sure There Will Be Whine.

[niyad]

23. . . .

[ColoringFool]

24. To Clarify: FROM THE TRUMPER!

[niyad]

25. Well, of course! One would not assume otherwise!

[Bobstandard]

17. This happened on a fishing trip

A friend talked me into going on a fishing trip with a guide I knew and five other guys I’d never met. During dinner the first night one guy moved the conversation to politics and how well Trump was doing. We exchanged looks around the table. Someone moved the conversation back to fishing. In a moment or two the guy was back on to Trump. For the rest of the trip and without any coordination, nobody would talk to the guy unless it was to ask him to pass the salsa or something. Nobody wanted to get their blood pressure up by engaging with the guy. Each of us privately let the guide know we didn’t want to share a boat with him. (Each day two guys went out in a small boatwitha a guide trying to locate and catch permit on the fly) It took a couple of days for the guy to give up on his Trump humping but each of us individually ignored him for the rest of the seven day trip. Again, without talking among ourselves about it he was completely frozen out of the camaraderie of the trip. He grumbled a little bit, then just stayed away from the group except at meals. I doubt he learned anything from the experience.

[ColoringFool]

18. HELL, NO! Not Even With Provided Barf Bags.

[Vinca]

20. I wouldn't go. There's no way I could be civil. As it is, I avoid any known Trump humpers just to avoid

calling them fucking idiots.

[misanthrope]

21. I have little choice unless I cut off most contact with people

I am a white Alabamian. That means almost all of my family, birth family and in-laws, are avid Trump supporters. Likewise, most of the white members of the public around me in any setting are Trump supporters.

It's why I scoff when I hear people criticize my online activity or news sources as allowing me to exist in a "blue bubble" with no clue as to what MAGA America is like. I am immersed in red state America and can't avoid contact with its denizens.

[UniqueUserName]

32. Oh crap! Me too! I'm so sorry.

I am a white Alabamian too.

It wasn't until the 2024 election that I realized that MOST white voters are racists. I blissfully thought I just happen to live in a place considered "backwaters".

I am old and I've lived here all my life.

Race is a social construct not a scientific one. We're all merely humans. The biggest problem in this country is melanin-challenged people who think that their inability to produce an effective UV barrier for this climate is somehow the most desirable trait.

If it weren't so detrimental, it would be amusing that race is a false social construct, and racism is indeed the biggest problem. Those assertions appear to be contradictory at first blush, but they're not. I maintain racism is the biggest problem followed closely by misogyny. Racism wins by a hair because a solid majority of white women voted for a misogynist to protect white privilege. (Last I check it was ~ 53 - 55% of white women voted for a pedophile rapist-conman.) But, thank you, white women who voted for Harris at least it helped the numbers a bit. I hate that as a white man here in AL, the assumption is that I voted for the racist conman over the intelligent black woman.

[misanthrope]

33. Agreed on all points

Race as a social construct is so maddening because so many refuse to see it.

[tblue37]

22. No, I would not. He should refuse the invitation.

[FalloutShelter]

26. I absolutely could not go.

I cannot trust myself to be around these people without going off.

I just can’t.

[Tetrachloride]

27. i would think the hosts of the event are not on the side of condemning pedophiles anytime anywhere.

so, its a question of sanity and how thick is one’s skin.

or

let the chips fall where they may.

bring extra vodka.

[Woodwizard]

28. Most of my in laws are maga.

They do not talk politics around me.

I deal with them for my wife's sake.

Though we skipped the last family reunion, it was just a few months after trump got back in.

[democrank]

29. NO!

[UpInArms]

30. I just had encounters this week

1 … am doing a freelance job with a friend … he gets the jobs, I do the words … appraising properties …

So, we are doing this piece of land for a trumper and we are riding in his truck to look at the property and then to the local places to get all the documents needed (crp contract, taxes, legal docs, etc) … and the trumper starts a conversation regarding bathroom uses by different sexes and how that’s a problem … I just say that I already have a shared bathroom and ask if he shares his with anyone, he says no … I I just say, well I don’t check to see what in anyone’s pants … he has no answer … subject changes

2 … went to the feed store to get layer mix for the chickens and oats for the horses … a guy I know pulls in and says I look like I’m in a hurry … I laugh, he gets out of his truck and I give him a big hug … we met in 2009 when I was covering a county commissioners meeting for the newspaper … he comes in and calls me a commie pinko tree hugging liberal … everyone knew I was annoyed, but I kept working and ignored him … went back to the office … I guess someone told him he should apologize, because he came in and tried to do that. My response was, no, I do not accept your apology, how would you like it if you were working and I interrupted and called you a jack booted nazi thug? Think about who you are and stay the hell away from me. He left, but came back and sincerely stated that no one had ever failed to accept an apology from him with that admonition. After that, he would come to my office and talk with me about all types of issues… and all I can say is that we are good acquaintances without any animosity and can talk about all of it. I may never change his voting, but he at least respects my opinions.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

31. I think the hostess is expecting you to decline. That's why she included ...

... the warning about inviting the RWNJ.

If you attend, just try to avoid discussing politics with Jim (or anyone else, for that matter). How about them (insert local sports team name).

[canetoad]

34. Only if it was a dark night

And I was very drunk and/or stoned and utterly desperate for company. And even then, probably not.

[OC375]

35. If I want to go to an event, I go

I have a pretty thick skin, deadpan delivery, and I enjoy messing with know-it-alls and a-holes. I've been around long enough that idiots at dinner parties are more amusing than alarming to me. So small. Tiny, even. Like high school. YMMV

[Johonny]

36. Life is too short to spend time with Trumpers

[ibegurpard]

37. Nope

We are long past the point of giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Edit: And I'd keep the hostess at arm's length in the future as well.

[susanr516]

38. I am estranged from my maga family

Not sorry about it. They are all right wing bigots. I moved 300 miles away from them, and built my own family. I am much happier now. Family is not related by blood. It is all those who support you, rather than a genetic bind.

[Conjuay]

39. Tell me what's on the menu

Then I'll decide.