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Upon Review, It Looks Like President Nyarlathotep's Small Business Soul Harvest Is Technically Against the Rules
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/upon-review-it-looks-like-president-nyarlathoteps-small-business-soul-harvest-is-technically-against-the-rulesby Andrew Paul
Thank you for bringing this issue to the Supreme Court's attention. We all know how important the rule of law has been during the first solar cycle of President Nyarlathotep's re-ascendancy. Without us, the Dread Lord would have likely found Himself unnecessarily hindered by bureaucratic red tape, jurisprudence, and antiquated notions of everyday logic. We also firmly established that the Crawling Chaos is legally allowed to gut the fabric of reality however He sees fit--but only while He continues to occupy the Presidency. It clearly says so in the Constitution. Or, at least, it did before Nyarlathotep used the document as toilet paper for one of his many festering orifices.
Dave Eggers silkscreen prints to benefit the new International Library of Youth Writing! Purchase your own unique piece of art and check back regularly for more.
Regardless, as you all know, we agreed to review a complaint about the President's international economic plan. Specifically, the plaintiff's charge that Nyarlathotep's Soul Harvest Doctrine is explicitly against the rules He promised to uphold. We read over the defense submitted by His legal necromancers--we would have preferred it in written form rather than sheep entrails, but we respect that they clerked with Haruspex Alito. After scrying the ovine intestines, however, we simply find the arguments lacking.
With all due respect to President Nyarlathotep (and our own bodily fluids), we do not believe the Necro-Administration's contention that "Phantom Warlocks Only We Can See" was reason enough to initiate multiple soul harvest taxes directed at small business owners. The claim that these souls will pay for themselves because they're technically only "temporarily" trapped in the Nightmare Dimension is spurious, at best, especially because we have yet to see a single harvested citizen awake from their "blood nap," as the necromancers describe in their offal briefing.
Furthermore, and in the interest of transparency, we did not anticipate that the soul harvests would affect our livelihoods, per se. It was our understanding that those harvests pertained primarily to businesses that sold products like computer chips, cars, and maple syrup. In recent weeks, however, it's become clear that it isn't only small businesses that have been harvested--our own stock portfolios have suffered as well. And lest anyone think this is purely a selfish ruling on our part--we know plenty of Outer God sycophants who are feeling the same pain right now. Not, you know, the same pain that comes from your humanity being sucked out of your ears by an infernal soul vacuum. But you get what we're trying to say.
. . .
Dave Eggers silkscreen prints to benefit the new International Library of Youth Writing! Purchase your own unique piece of art and check back regularly for more.
Regardless, as you all know, we agreed to review a complaint about the President's international economic plan. Specifically, the plaintiff's charge that Nyarlathotep's Soul Harvest Doctrine is explicitly against the rules He promised to uphold. We read over the defense submitted by His legal necromancers--we would have preferred it in written form rather than sheep entrails, but we respect that they clerked with Haruspex Alito. After scrying the ovine intestines, however, we simply find the arguments lacking.
With all due respect to President Nyarlathotep (and our own bodily fluids), we do not believe the Necro-Administration's contention that "Phantom Warlocks Only We Can See" was reason enough to initiate multiple soul harvest taxes directed at small business owners. The claim that these souls will pay for themselves because they're technically only "temporarily" trapped in the Nightmare Dimension is spurious, at best, especially because we have yet to see a single harvested citizen awake from their "blood nap," as the necromancers describe in their offal briefing.
Furthermore, and in the interest of transparency, we did not anticipate that the soul harvests would affect our livelihoods, per se. It was our understanding that those harvests pertained primarily to businesses that sold products like computer chips, cars, and maple syrup. In recent weeks, however, it's become clear that it isn't only small businesses that have been harvested--our own stock portfolios have suffered as well. And lest anyone think this is purely a selfish ruling on our part--we know plenty of Outer God sycophants who are feeling the same pain right now. Not, you know, the same pain that comes from your humanity being sucked out of your ears by an infernal soul vacuum. But you get what we're trying to say.
. . .
I must say that I didn't understand the reference to 'Nyarlathotep' until further self-directed 'research'.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyarlathotep
Nyarlathotep is a fictional character created by H. P. Lovecraft. The character is a malign deity in the Cthulhu Mythos, a shared universe. First appearing in Lovecraft's 1920 prose poem "Nyarlathotep", he was later mentioned in other works by Lovecraft and by other writers, to the point of often being considered the main antagonist of the Cthulhu Mythos as a whole. He is presented as the messenger of Azathoth.[1] He is later described by other authors as being part of the Other Gods, an alien pantheon.
