The Borowitz Report-Markwayne Mullin's Departure Allows Tommy Tuberville to Secure Title of Dumbest Senator

[LetMyPeopleVote]

Markwayne Mullin's Departure Allows Tommy Tuberville to Secure Title of Dumbest Senator
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

— @KeepItBlueDems.bsky.social (@keepitbluedems.bsky.social) 2026-03-09T15:25:55.587Z

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/markwayne-mullins-departure-allows

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Markwayne Mullin’s exit from the United States Senate has enabled Tommy Tuberville to emerge as the nation’s dumbest senator, a jubilant Tuberville confirmed on Monday.

“People are gonna try to cheapen this victory by saying I only got it because Waynemark (sic) left,” the Alabaman said. “But like we used to say on the football field, a win’s a win.”

“People need to realize, I had to compete with 99 other senators to win this title,” he said. “And even if you subtract Mullin, that still leaves 95.”

Tuberville said that the media had not given him “enough credit” for becoming the nation’s dumbest senator, noting, “I beat Ron Johnson.”

[Zambero]

1. Lindsey might resent not being a finalist

And Ron Johnson might also develop a touch of heartburn. So may possibilities, and only one "winner"!

[eppur_se_muova]

2. So .... Tatertown's #1 in something ? Saves a lot of money.

Look what it cost Auburn to buy out his contract. Glad the Senate doesn't have to do that.

But I'm sure he'll find something even better.

[Wiz Imp]

3. Still lots of competition

Ron Johnson, Marsha Blackburn, Josh Hawley, Tom Cotton, Ted Cruz, ...