'Which Way Is Iran?' Asks Pantsless, Sword-Wielding Trump Wandering On Side Of Freeway
WASHINGTON—In a chaotic scene that left motorists confused and alarmed, witnesses along Interstate 495 reported Tuesday that President Donald Trump was seen wandering pantsless on the shoulder of the freeway, holding a ceremonial sword straight out in front of him, and asking passing drivers, “Which way is Iran?” “Woman! Tell me if Iran is to the left of here or if it’s south!” the commander-in-chief yelled at a morning commuter, adding that he’d walked through “many lands” on his quest to wage war, including Germany, the desert, and “a country where everybody was wearing scarves—very scary.” “I’m getting very close. I can smell it. Soon Iran will know the taste of my tremendous weapon. America is counting on me. Iran is counting on me. I will prevail.”
When Secret Service agents arrived and attempted to wrap a blanket around the president’s waist, Trump reportedly swatted them away with his sword and then charged down a busy on-ramp shouting, “We’re here! We’re entering enemy territory!”
https://theonion.com/which-way-is-iran-asks-pantsless-sword-wielding-trump-wandering-on-side-of-freeway/
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Except for the...package. 