The Borowitz Report-God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell

[LetMyPeopleVote]

God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

— DigitalGypsie (@digitalgypsie.bsky.social) 2026-03-12T12:24:19.820Z

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/god-formally-notifies-mike-johnson-f8e

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that many called long overdue, on Thursday God formally notified House Speaker Mike Johnson that he was going to Hell.

In a rare public statement, the Almighty said that Johnson’s support of Donald Trump’s war in Iran was the “last straw” that sealed the Speaker’s eternal damnation.

“What do you do with someone who claims to be a Christian and supports killing civilians?” God asked. “You send his ass to Hell, that’s what.”

Confronted by reporters in a Capitol corridor, Johnson said he was “disappointed” by the Heavenly Father’s decision, but added, “I serve a higher power: Donald Trump.”

[PATRICK]

1. Maybe I missed

any feedback from Johnson declaring the Iran aggression a non-war then being contradicted by everyone from Trump down to the schoolchildren. That seems a Congressional offense of the worst sort. But I think the Dems don't actually want a war vote in the first place, which passing is another offense and makes everyone liable to be included in War Crimes..

[GenThePerservering]

2. This is lighthearted satire. nt

[pwb]

3. I don't think Mike ever read The New Testament?

He is a puke and the Jesus part is at the end of the Bible.