Pete Hegseth Questions What Girls Were Doing In School To Begin With

[milestogo]

SATIRE

Published: March 13, 2026

WASHINGTON—Saying critics of the missile strike that killed at least 175 civilians were dodging a fundamental question, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on Friday demanded to know what girls were doing attending school to begin with. “In all this talk about who was responsible and how this happened, are we just going to ignore the fact that girls were allowed to learn?” said Hegseth, adding that of all the grim details to emerge from the bombing, what troubled him most was the thought of innocent young girls sitting at desks and studying geography.

“What kind of savages let girls, some as young as 4, acquire knowledge? Is our woke media just going to sweep that under the rug while they’re blabbering about faulty intelligence without even mentioning the teaching that was going on right out in the open?” Hegseth went on to say that while the strike on the school was unintended, it was probably better that the girls were killed before they could be fully educated.

https://theonion.com/pete-hegseth-questions-what-girls-were-doing-in-school-to-begin-with/

[Scrivener7]

1. Eeesh. Feels too soon to me.

[2naSalit]

2. Too believable.

K&R

[Whip-poor-will]

3. Manly men

That is one manly man taking manly responsibility for his manly decision to commit war crimes.

[MustLoveBeagles]

4. Yikes 😳

These Onion stories have been getting a little too close to the bone lately.

[raccoon]

5. At first I thought it was real.

[Playingmantis]

6. My thoughts This should be clearly labeled as satire

If someone takes these kinds of things seriously it will make us look foolish
I think the rule should be that satire must be labeled as such

[milestogo]

8. It IS clearly labelled as satire.

[Playingmantis]

9. Didnt see it

I did not see that SATIRE remark before .Usually there is a very visable header announcing SATIRE or ADVERTISEMENT several times when something is not real news but could be thought of as genuine

[GenThePerservering]

10. Top of article

in Bold. Cripes.

[IcyPeas]

7. Not funny