Spurious News: National Industries for the Blind makes "Trump" medallions that depict Biden!
ALEXANDRIA, VA (Spurious News Network) -- The National Industries for the Blind (NIB) is one of the greatest government successes you've never heard of.
"You have heard of us," said Aneta Zawila-Jordan, vice president of marketing and communications. "If you've gone to the post office, which all of us have, you've used a fine Skilcraft pen. That's one of the things we make, but it's far from the only thing. When I first started working here I asked President (Soraya) Correa what we made. After about three hours of her naming products I stopped her and asked, 'so, we make everything and blind people make it all?' She said that was about right."
The Trump administration recently ordered four million medallions with Trump's face on them for presentation to every member of America's armed forces. They didn't come out quite the way he envisioned them.
According to Susan Hollowell, the designer of the medallion, "these are embarrassing. They're a foot and a half in diameter, gold plated and suspended on a red, white and blue neck ribbon. Pro wrestlers wouldn't wear them. He wanted his presidency number on them. As you know, he is the 45th and 47th presidents. Only two digits would fit on the medallion so I averaged them to 46...which is President Joe Biden's number. I decided to put President Biden on them instead."
The military loves the new medallions. "We all liked President Biden," said Major General John Lubas, commanding general of the 3d Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga. "He's a Gold Star father who stopped our troops from dying in Afghanistan. This other guy, we don't like all that much."
The NIB employee who makes the medals, John Fredrickson, offered another explanation for the visage change. "I've been completely blind since birth and not even I want to stand there and look at Trump's face four million times."