"What would happen if Trump was kidnapped by an enemy of the United States?"

[jmowreader]

I got an alert in my email yesterday that said someone upvoted a Quora answer I made a couple years ago. You might enjoy it.

https://www.quora.com/What-would-happen-if-former-President-Trump-was-kidnapped-and-arrested-by-a-nation-enemy-of-the-United-States-Would-the-White-House-do-anything-Would-it-be-a-problem-for-National-Security/answer/Jim-Mowreader?__nsrc__=4&__snid3__=96746812463&comment_id=506518569&comment_type=2

"What would happen if former President Trump was kidnapped and arrested by a nation enemy of the United States? Would the White House do anything? Would it be a problem for National Security?"

I answered:

Day 1:
“Hello, this is the president of Berzerkistan. We have your former President Trump. He is alive and unharmed. If you ever want to see him alive again, deliver One Million Ounces of Gold to the Prime Minister of Vietnam. After the gold is safely in our hands, we will return Former President Trump to you.”
“Hello, this is President Joe Biden. It is the policy of the United States never to negotiate with terrorists. We will not pay a million ounces of gold to get Donald Trump back.”

Day 3:
“Hello President Biden? This is still the president of Berzerkistan. Your Former President Trump is truly a pain in the ass, but we still have the upper hand by retaining him here. As a gesture of goodwill, we now demand One Thousand Ounces of Gold for his safe return.”
“Good morning, President of Berzerkistan. We still don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

Day 5:
“Hello President Biden? Look, we’ll give the motherfucker back for free. What do you say?”
“Nope. We still don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

Day 7:
“President Biden, I know that you are a good humanitarian man. My entire army has defected so they don’t have to watch Trump. What would it take for us to be rid of this worthless piece of shit?”
“Look pal, you took him. He’s yours.”

Day 9:
“I beg of you, President Biden. PLEASE come get this bastard. The little prick has started holding MAGA rallies in the town square. Only five people in the entire country speak English so no one knows what the hell he is saying, but we’re quickly running out of eggs and tomatoes.”
“Nope. We don’t care what happens to him as long as it’s in your country. Deal with the mess you made yourself.”

Day 11:
“Look asshole, I gave you guys plenty of chances to take this worthless fuck. Now you’re going to pay the penalty.”
“You and whose army? Remember, yours all left the country in the middle of the night thanks to you taking Trump for yourself.”

Day 13:
A very large box arrives at the FedEx terminal in Baltimore, MD. It is addressed to President Biden. When opened, Trump is in there. He was shipped with fifty pounds of whatever passes for a Big Mac in Berzerkistan, and a 55-gallon drum of Diet Coke. President Biden, with a flourish, writes the sacred inscription “return to sender” on the box and puts it back on the plane himself.

Day 15:
The president of Berzerkistan files charges against President Biden in the International Criminal Court, alleging that the return of Donald Trump to Berzerkistan violates the Laws of Land Warfare, nineteen different environmental laws and four laws banning crimes against humanity. President Biden relents and offers to pay return postage if they address the box “General Delivery, Point Barrow, Alaska.”

[Ocelot II]

1. O. Henry answered that question years ago in his short story "The Ransom of Red Chief."

A couple of feckless criminals decide to kidnap the son of a wealthy man and hold him for ransom. Turns out that the kid is such a brat that the criminals have to pay the father to take him back.

https://www.classicshorts.com/stories/redchief.html

[jmowreader]

2. The Ransom of Red Chief comes up quite often in the comments

Strangely enough, I've never read the story.

[FalloutShelter]

3. Yes... beat me to it.

I went right there.

[Scrivener7]

18. Me too!

[COL Mustard]

14. I was thinking about that story too.

I love O. Henry. My favorites are "The Gift of the Magi" and the one about the woman who killed her husband with a frozen lamb roast.

ETA: That one was not actually by O. Henry but I still love the story line.

[Aristus]

16. I think the one about the frozen leg of lamb was Roald Dahl.

n/t

[COL Mustard]

17. Yes, Mr. Google was my friend.

I thought it was O. Henry but as you said Roald Dahl.

Now I want a Giant Peach.

[Aristus]

21. I've got a hardback copy of Roald Dahl's ghost stories in my library.

I think they would surprise people who know him only for his children's literature.

[COL Mustard]

33. Can you share the name of the collection?

I’m always looking for new things to read.

[GoodRaisin]

4. Hopefully they would throw him out of the airplane.

[Trueblue1968]

11. Like in Grimm tv show when the king was pushed out of the helicopter !!!! We would be SO happy.

[Walleye]

5. "The Ransom of Red Chief", O.Henry

[malaise]

6. Delish

[doc03]

7. I would be willing to chip in for them to

keep him.

[Wonder Why]

8. We all get together and create a go-fund-me account to raise 2m ounces if they agree to keep him and

all his clowns forever.

[John Farmer]

9. Or a friend!

Anyone who kidnaps Trump is a friend.

[lonely bird]

10. Who cares?

They would change the nuke codes.

Beyond that? Fuck him.

[popsdenver]

12. LOL

If Trump was "Kidnapped", and the ransom was a million ounces of Gold, everyone here would automatically know that somehow Trump had engineered the whole thing for his biggest grift of all time......LOL

[niyad]

15. BINGO!!!

[D_Master81]

13. They'd return him

The kidnappers would get sick of him talking about the ballroom and how great he was so they’d just bring him back and leave him on the doorstep of the White House

[QueerDuck]

19. Okay. Bye.

[sheshe2]

20. President Biden, with a flourish, writes the sacred inscription "return to sender"

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[peppertree]

22. "Dees ees Commander Hamoun-Raia-Hoda-Falafel...We have your pig Trump!"

"If America no pay $300 trillion, we will cut of his - how you Americans say? - wee-wee, and mail it back to you in peeces!!"

Biden: "He's bluffing."

Joint Chiefs Chairman: "But how can you be sure, Mr. President?"

Biden: "How could they ever find it?"

[H2O Man]

23. Enemy"?????

[Bluetus]

24. What would happen? The biggest damn party since V-day in 1945.

I am going to the gym 3 times a week these days because I am going to outlive that motherfucker and I am going to party for a week. And if I die after that party, I'll be a happy man.

[Aussie105]

25. Seriously though . . .

The USA and its demented proxy Israel take out the top hierarchy in the Iranian government with extreme prejudice, kills innocent Iranian citizens and do untold damage to infrastructure, and . . . what next?

Is Iran planning some tit-for-tat reprisal action on US soil?

Kidnapping Trump would be a blessing in disguise, really.

[MustLoveBeagles]

26. This sounds like the

International version of Ruthless People.

[Bread and Circuses]

27. The Enemy of My Enemy (TACO) is My Friend.

I’ll invite them over for a Potluck !

[LuvLoogie]

28. Seize his properties due to national security.

Sell them to get ransom money.

[Kaleva]

29. I could see an ally of the US doing such a thing

In an effort to come to our rescue

[JI7]

30. Why would an enemy of the US want to take away what is tryng to destroy it ?

[Norrrm]

31. Why would they kidnap him and take him away? He is worth more to them if left in place.

[Jack Valentino]

32. There would be massive demonstrations in the United States APPLAUDING the action!!!!!

I would participate carrying a sign which reads "NO RETURNS AND NO REFUNDS!"

[LeftInTX]

34. Unfortunately, Biden would have paid the ransom and we would be stuck with him

[DFW]

35. Anyone who would kidnap Trump would no longer qualify as an enemy of the United States.

On the other hand, they might declare war if we refused to take him back after they realized their error.