The Borowitz Report-Iran Agrees to End War Only if There is Regime Change in U.S.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

Iran Agrees to End War Only if There is Regime Change in U.S.
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...

— Blue Skies In Utah (@papabear333.bsky.social) 2026-04-01T23:24:42.080Z

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/iran-agrees-to-end-war-only-if-there

TEHRAN (The Borowitz Report)—Shortly before Donald J. Trump was set to address the American people on Wednesday night, Iran declared that it would agree to end the war only if there was regime change in the United States.

“The United States is a rogue state led by an unstable ruler,” the Iranian statement read. “Such a madman must not be allowed to possess nuclear weapons.”

The Islamic Republic’s ultimatum drew immediate and strong support from Greenland, Canada, and the rest of NATO.

At the White House, press secretary Karoline Leavitt said only that Trump was well-rested for his televised address, having spent the day sleeping at the Supreme Court.

[Clouds Passing]

1. Please! For real!

[The Revolution]

2. Both countries should agree to a voluntary

Regime change. Everbody gets what they want, and the war can end today.

[bigtree]

3. they'll need to bomb us back to the stone age

United States President Donald Trump warned Iran on Wednesday that he would bomb the country “back to the stone ages”.

Minutes later, his Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth doubled down on that rhetoric, with a short post on X that only said: “Back to the Stone Age.”

https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/bomb-back-stone-age-us-130635612.html

[nitpicked]

4. If this was true

The fighting would continue until 2029.

Or later.