A friend and I were discussing assaults, both sexual and otherwise,

[niyad]

and how best to protect oneself. Of course, we remember to SING, but what other options? I have advocated since my teens that every girl be taught martial arts from the earliest possible age. We are not going to change our misogynist, woman-hating culture any time soon, especially with the scum currently in power, so what do we do?

I remember from years ago that there was a company that sold bracelets that carried a capsule of concentrated skunk scent. I rather liked that idea, although I thought that those, and similar objects, including the mace I carried on my keyring, should include a really hideous dye.

I just went looking, and there are quite a number of companies and products out there, including skunk spray bracelets.

Do any DU'ers have experience with such products, or other ideas on how we defend ourselves in this climate of woman-hating and rage? (Holly Near's "Fight Back" is playing in my head as I type this.)

[yardwork]

1. Most sexual assaults are not stranger abductions.

A woman is more likely to be assaulted by a domestic partner or date than by a stranger.

It's important to stay alert. If you're at a bar, watch your drink. That cute guy next to you who seems nice might be planning to drug your drink, take you someplace, and assault you.

Likewise, the boyfriend who seemed so sweet until very recently might have undisclosed anger issues, and as you settle into your relationship some frightening behaviors might emerge.

Or maybe a woman is recently married. She ignored some red flags earlier in the relationship, but things are getting worse. Might be time to put together an escape plan.

There's a column here on DU reminding people that if your partner abandons you on a mountain, never see them again.

Women's biggest vulnerability is that we're taught to be polite and not cause a scene. Sometimes a scene is exactly what's needed, but even more frequently what's needed is for us to trust our guts and instincts.

[Figarosmom]

4. Yes, taught to be nice is abig one.

I've stopped doing that. Have had to get downright mean on some occasions when the guy just doesn't take the hint and stops bothering me. Than getting mean can get you in worse danger if the guy wants to get even. So we are pit into these catch 22 positions.

[yardwork]

5. Exactly!

And to whose benefit is it when we're so nice and compliant? People who are up to no good.

[niyad]

20. You will notice that I did not limit my OP to sexual assaults only.

[Lifeafter70]

24. Yes more women are abused by someone thwy trust

It might happen in a short time are take years of grooming. There can be isolated incidents, that we excuse or blame ourselves for. Eventually the abuse increases with time in some cases. That's one of the reasons women don't leave their abuser.
There is many different types of abusers some may never get physical but emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical.

Education can be a powerful tool and needs to be done not only for young women but our young men as well.

[jfz9580m]

38. Times change and we live in a world of privacy violations

The statistics supporting this are thrown out a lot and yes opportunities wise it is easier for predators to attack someone they know. But it is a bit of a chestnut if applied globally.
In many parts of the global south stranger danger is a thing.

And it is why in general women find getting doxxed such a scary experience.

Times change and one of my reasons for pushing back against the normalisation privacy violations is women having no control over our data as some of the most conservative and creepy people proliferate in these snoopy data mining industries.

There are many truisms like these the left/feminists need to lump the correct way to evolve to meet accelerating chaos.

While the alt right is excellent at fucking with the head and I ignore the “go team!!!” type of “left”, the real left can be frustratingly slow (I know I was) to meet this new era of assholery.

[Figarosmom]

2. When my daughter was 12

I started her in martial arts. She made black belt when she was 17 . For years she taught self defense classes to the cops here in town. That's why both of us get so fricken mad when cops grab their gun immediately instead of using their skills. But I am proud of her and how she stands ready to protect.

[SheltieLover]

6. Brava! Congrats to her! You must be very proud of her!

[Figarosmom]

13. Sure am!😊

[niyad]

19. Excellent! I wish all parents did this.

[Irish_Dem]

26. Same here. My daughter was a black belt at age 13.

Could break boards with her feet and knock a big man flat on his back in two seconds.

When she was in high school all the boys knew about her black belt and skill level.

They were always very polite to her.

[Figarosmom]

36. Yeah funny how that works, the politeness factor.

I'm 5- 1 and my daughter is a bit shorter than I am. So she really surprised the big boy cops that thought there was no way she could hurt them, much less put them down. She enjoyed that I think.

[Irish_Dem]

44. My daughter is 4ft 10in and 95 lbs.

By the time she was in high school she was a third degree blackbelt,
had beat several state/national champs in competition and was
asked to do performances at local events. (And yes these big boys were shocked
that a tiny girl took them down quickly. One of the champs started crying to his mother like a baby because a little girl beat him.)

I was not thrilled with all of this because I was afraid she would get hurt
like some of the other black belts did. But she never did.

Yes it was funny how the boys were so polite to her.
She is attractive but did not get hassled or treated badly at school.

[oberle]

29. I taught taekwondo to children and adults

and women's self defense at the college level for many years. I have always urged families to put their daughters in martial arts. They will gain self confidence and the ability to outwit an abuser. I always caution people to check out the instructor first, online and in their classes. There are some instructors who have criminal backgrounds.

[Figarosmom]

35. I had friends that trained

And I took her to their Master. They all spoke highly of him and said in competitions he emphasized training and defense rather than offense. I liked that. He was a Korean business owner who taught the arts on the side to students he thought had the right set of morals and positive attitude. He was very disaplined.

[niyad]

37. Thank you for all that you have done.

[Irish_Dem]

45. My daughter loved it.

And excelled at it.
Was so good for her.
She entered at age 10 and was hooked!

[Ocelot II]

3. Worry more about partners, "friends," and creepy bosses,

guys who will groom you or take advantage of a personal relationship.

[SheltieLover]

7. Yes!

[niyad]

21. You will notice that I did not limit my OP to sexual assaults only.

[LearnedHand]

8. I don't remember what SING stands for

[EdmondDantes_]

11. I think it's Solar plexus, Insole, Nose, Groin

Various soft places to strike. Doesn't fit the acronym, but eyes and throat are also good targets depending on positioning.

[LearnedHand]

12. Thanks!

[MorbidButterflyTat]

25. Watch Miss Congeniality!

[LearnedHand]

33. That's where i first learned about it lol

But I forgot what the S stood for.

[EdmondDantes_]

9. I like that dye idea, like in money robbed from a bank

But unfortunately I think the only real solution is in teaching men and boys to be better. Everything else seems mostly to be good for only reducing the odds the person taking precautions is a victim, not reducing the number of victims.

And obviously they mostly seem to work in cases of random stranger attacks which are a relatively small subset of cases. Doesn't hurt to have additional options of course.

[JI7]

15. But Swalwell knew what was right and wrong

We aren't talking about teenage boys acting like buffoons .

So it goes beyond just knowing right and wrong.

[EdmondDantes_]

16. Not enough to not be an abuser

I guess I mean we need to teach boys and men to act better. I know how to be violent from years of martial arts, but I don't use that against people who anger me because I'm capable of not acting on an urge. Swalell chose to not act better.

[niyad]

18. Teaching men and boys not to be abusers is great. How long is that

goung to take? How long to change an entire culture? Especially one as saturated in patriarchy and misogyny as this one is, particularly wuth the scum in power NOW? What do women and girls do RIGHT NOW? Not some mythical, hypothetical time in the future? RIGHT NOW?

[Irish_Dem]

27. My fantasy is that men are barred from owning any weapon.

Only women can own and carry guns.

Women are given guns at birth and taught to use them.
It is legal to kill a man who is SA you.

All SA is a death penalty crime if the woman does not kill him first.

This is the only way women can have a fighting chance to stay safe.
And the only way men will keep it zipped up.

[niyad]

28. Sadly, the way things are going in this misogynist, patriarchal

culture, women will not be allowed to own guns. Gilead seems to be closer than ever.

[Irish_Dem]

30. Yes women's rights are going by the wayside.

Like in some countries, women cannot even leave the home.
Under house arrest.

Yes the treatment of women is the greatest human rights violation in human history.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

42. A man that SA women

Is using a body part as his weapon.
So disarm them humanely done castrations. That will make them think twice before doing SA.

[EdmondDantes_]

31. My point is I don't think simply giving women tools is enough

Sure you could live in women only housing and never leave or let a man in. You could wear a chastity belt or the anti rape condom. But unless every woman does this, you aren't fixing the problem and you're fundamentally only shifting the odds onto someone else.

Likewise having a rape whistle or pepper spray is great, but the majority of attacks are from people known to the victim. Are you carrying your pepper spray in hand while walking with a male friend? What about with a partner?

On the other hand this ad campaign cut the incidents of rape. That suggests it's not mythical for men to be better.

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/british-columbia/dont-be-that-guy-ad-campaign-cuts-vancouver-sex-assaults-by-10-per-cent-in-2011/article1359241/

And that research shows men are way more likely to say they would commit rape if you didn't use the word rape that suggests education about what rape is would be effective.

https://www.salon.com/2015/01/15/the_ugly_truth_about_sexual_assault_more_men_admit_to_it_if_you_dont_call_it_rape/

I get the appeal of short term things, but it's a case of the most effective short term tools women can use, aren't effective in the most likely times to need them.

[niyad]

32. All very interesting. But PLEASE notice that I specifically mentioned

"sexual and otherwise" right in the title, yet all the focus in most of the responses seems to be on sexual assaults.

[Irish_Dem]

47. Any physical boundary violation when a woman says no.

Physical, emotional, mental.

Men assume woman are fair game.
They treat women in ways they would never treat a man.

[Irish_Dem]

46. I agree there will need to be a multi-layered approach.

Men tend to be stubborn and slow learners.
So woman with guns and an educational plan might work.

[mopinko]

10. cell phones.

dont b afraid to quietly hit record on your phone.

[JI7]

14. The biggest threats are those we know and agree to see

[niyad]

17. ???

[hamsterjill]

22. Women need to be empowered to fight back.

And not be afraid of making a scene. I think many of us of a certain age learned to slap the shit out of a male out of line, knee to the groin and elbow to the nose.

Who taught me? My dad.

Not sure I could pull it off any more, but it gave me confidence when I was young to know that I could fight back if necessary. Confidence is important since attackers are less likely to go after women who look self-assured.

[niyad]

23. Looking self-assured and aware certainly helps. In a similar discussion

years ago (sadly, things have gotten worse, not better), a friend commented, "you have no idea how intimidating you look when you are in public!"

[wnylib]

34. If you find yourself in a bad situation,

trust your gut and don't be afraid to get away as quickly as possible, however possible. Take reasonable risks to get away if necessary.

An example from when I was 17 and escaped from what would have been a kidnapping and sexual assault.

It was a Saturday morning in summer, 1967. I was waiting at a bus stop on the corner of the block that we lived on. A light green Mustang pullled up to the curb and the driver asked if I wanted a lift. That did not sound at all unusual to me. My father often offered a ride when he drove by that bus stop if he saw a neighbor waiting for a bus.

I could not see the man clearly, but the only person that I knew who had a light green Mustang was the realtor who was handling the sale of my parents' house. I had babysat his kids a few times.

So I got into the car. When I saw the man's face, it was NOT our realtor. His eyelids were droopy, and what I could see of his eyes looked a little glassy. His face was bristly, like he had not shaved in a couple days. But he pulled away from the curb before I could get back out of the car.

My body and mind went on full alert. He asked where I was going and I said downtown to meet some friends who were waiting for me. (A lie.) He said we would take a ride first and patted my leg. I said, "I think you've got the wrong idea." His voice got surly and mean. He said, "Hey, girlie. You don't get something for nothing. It's time you learned that."

While we were talking, my mind was rapidly trying to figure out how to get out of the car. I knew that I had to get out ASAP, before he drove too far or I might never get away.

I knew that there was a 5 point intersection a couple blocks ahead. He would have to slow down there to a near stop or full stop. I lifted my purse to my right shoulder and leaned against the passenger door as if I was relaxing so that I could touch the handle without him seeing me do it. When we reached the intersection, I opened the door.

As I was getting out, he grabbed my left wrist in his hand. I have very small wrists. I turned my arm and hand so that my wrist slid right through his hand and continued stepping out of the car. The car was still moving, although slowly, and I almost fell into the street. But even if I had fallen, there were a lot of people at that busy intersection so I could have screamed for help if I needed to.

I regained my balance and ran all the way back to our house, breathless and trembling. Locked both doors. My parents were not home. I did not go back outdoors until my boyfriend got off work and came to pick me up.

It did not seem dangerous to me to accept a ride from someone I knew. But when I realized that it was a stranger who looked freaky, instead of panicking, I looked for an opportunity to get out soon and did not let the fact that the car was still moving stop me. After the fact, I realized that I should have looked inside the car at the driver before getting in. But by a freaky coincidence, the car was exactly the same as the car of someone I did know. I was too young and trusting to think that it could be a stranger.

[niyad]

39. Yes, trust your instincts! I am so very glad that you did exactly that,

and were able to get away without physical harm. And I hope the scum met with a very painful accident.

[MustLoveBeagles]

40. Yikes 😳

I'm glad you got out of that situation.

[wnylib]

41. So am I. It seems even scarier to me now that I'm older and

know more about just how badly it might have ended if I had not got away.

I was just running on gut feelings and instinct which fortunately worked.

[SheltieLover]

43. Good for you! YES, always trust gut instinct!

Last edited Wed Apr 15, 2026, 08:51 AM - Edit history (1)

So glad you got away safely!