I just witnessed domestic violence. No one is hurt. I'm processing.
If this is not appropriate for General Discussion, I apologize.
In the dashcams forum on Reddit, people post accidents and near misses between vehicles. I've expanded my safe driving skills from reading the discussions. In that spirit, I am interested in input on what I could have done better. I'm satisfied with my actions but would appreciate any pointers.
This will probably be a bit ADHD and stream-of-consciousness because that's the way it feels in my head. So many thoughts go through your head when you choose to engage in a dangerous and unexpected situation.
I live 8 miles outside of a small southern town with a population
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I live 8 miles outside of a small southern town with a population less than 5000. My partner lives in town. We are in the process of relocating from MAGA USA to real USA (sorry I had to get that dig in). My partner is providing medical service via a traveling contract. He is finishing up a three month contract at our desired location. Our local town is bordered by a river and there is a walking path on the levee.
So, although, I am well familiar with the area, I don't have intimate knowledge of the city street names and culture of my local town. I am outside of the town, and although my address is from this town, I shop in the larger town of ~30,000 15 miles away. I've been with my partner for 2.5 years. Roughly every other night while he's working contract, I stay the night at my partner's house to check on it and make sure that it doesn't appear abandoned.
On the town side of the levee, there is a broken tree-line. Think of lined paper. The blue lines would be the city streets and the red margin line would be the levee. I was walking the levee for exercise. At the tree-line next to the street at one end of the levee a couple was having an argument. The levee is roughly 30' high at this location. I'm above the argument looking down. While I'm walking, I'm trying to ignore it as much as I can. He then pushed her down. She didn't seem hurt or perturbed. But they continue their argument/discussion relatively civilized. I determined that I would walk to the end of the levee; turn around; when out of earshot report it to the police ---not to necessarily investigate but just to acknowledge what I saw.
I turned around at the end of the levee and by the time I got back to where the couple was, the man began to throw punches at her. They weren't landing. She was on the ground and fighting back with her feet. I yelled, "Stop! Don't hit her!" He did stop hitting her. Remember, I'm 30' up on the levee. He is at the tree-line. He starts heading toward me and I yelled at him, "Don't come to me! Turn around and walk away from her!" He hesitated, and then he walked toward the street that they appeared to be from. She walked along the tree-line toward the next street over. I asked her loudly, "Are you OK?"
you know what I mean? Not yelling. But loud enough to travel the distance from the top of the levee down to her.)
She said, "Yes, I'm OK. He has my phone." She was calm. She was walking down the street parallel to the street he left on. At this point, I was on the phone with police dispatch. So, I walked toward a rendezvous with a police officer at the off-ramp from the levee.
The only thing that I really second guess myself on is whether I should have followed up, "Are you sure you are OK? You don't have your phone." How is she going to get help if she needs it?
All of this is happening in real time. I don't know that they are a couple. I'm making best guess assumptions based on appearances. I don't think that's over. I don't think she is ready to leave him. Society drills into our heads that DV are the most dangerous and volatile situations. The person being helped can turn on you to support the person beating them and other such possibilities. She was not OK. But I don't think she was ready for help.
The whole situation is exacerbated by the fact that the local town has out-sourced their dispatch to the county. When I exchanged words with the assaulter, with my actions I made it clear that I was calling the police. He had quit hitting her. Things seem calm. I didn't call 911 because it didn't seem an emergency. I called the listed police number. I did not know at that point that the dispatcher was not in town and did not have knowledge of the town's layout. I don't know the town's street names. I just go walking. So when I was trying to describe where we were, I assumed the police dispatcher would have some working knowledge of the town. I could reference major landmarks, but she couldn't relate to her officer.
So I am an introvert. And that is a lot of data to process in a small amount of time.
There's something that feels so wrong about an old white guy yelling commands to an attractive, virile, young black man. They were an attractive couple. He was a late 20s buff black man. She was a late twenties white lady with lavender-purple hair. They were both fit.
Since the 2024 presidential election, I've been a bit disillusioned. I actually thought most white people weren't racist. I thought that it only appeared that most white people were racists because I live in a very red part of very red Alabama. Most white people are racists. Of course, not the white people on DU. I don't know what the final percentage of white male votes for donald. It's high though. But the majority of white women voted for an abomination too. (Last I checked it was at 53 - 55%). How can I, having been on the planet for 6 decades not know that already? So it feels wrong for an old white dude to bark commands at a young black man. But you can't watch one human pummel another one regardless of race or sex. But the real kicker is it didn't do ANYTHING. She isn't ready to leave him.
Paul Lance, an old white guy youtuber, points out that this is the very definition of white privilege. The fact that I have the choice of whether to do the right thing that might inconvenience me or choose not to inconvenience myself. It makes me a little disappointed in myself that that indeed was a thought running through my mind during the whole thing: That I could turn away and not be bothered. I would still be able to walk the levee. I don't think it's in my interest to walk the levee for a while. Maybe never again.
