The Real Causes of Divorce -- America Has to Stop Blaming It on Women

[xchrom]

http://www.alternet.org/visions/real-causes-divorce-america-has-stop-blaming-it-women?akid=9900.277129.FBrVD-&rd=1&src=newsletter771866&t=3




A recent poll revealed a clear tendency to blame women for not keeping their husbands happy and a habit of viewing divorced women as unwanted and pitiable.

That was in the United Arab Emirates. But what about the United States of America? You’d think a more enlightened view of women and marriage might prevail.

Think again. The Huffington Post ran a front-page piece just this week with a headline that would make any old-school patriarch proud: “Women: Five Reasons Your Divorce Is Your Fault.” The author, self-appointed intimacy expert Laura Doyle, spent several paragraphs hectoring women for sins including “Taking the same approach at home as you do at work” and “Rejecting his efforts to make you happy.” She reserves special scorn for present-day Lysistratas who are cruelly “withholding sex” from their partners, as if they were using sex as a punishment rather than simply too tired or not aroused enough to want it. Doyle’s “remedy” for this transgression? “Consider making yourself available for sex at least once a week in support of your mutual goal of connecting.” Problem solved!

Yes, it appears that right here in 2013, somebody is paying Ms. Doyle to expound on the following fantastically stupid credo: “I teach intimacy skills, but not to couples and not to men. I only teach them to women because we are the ones who have the power to make our relationships intimate.”

Those who can, teach. Those who can’t, teach intimacy, evidently.

[smirkymonkey]

1. Isn't it the women who most frequently file for divorce?

Maybe it's because their husbands are total assholes than anything to do with them.

[Drahthaardogs]

46. Maybe its because BOTH people are asses to each other.

I swear to God, I see the way my friends' interact with their husbands and wives, and to be honest, I cannot figure out WHY people even bother. My friend's wife asked him for a cup of tea, and he said "Are your legs broken?" Seriously? This is your partner and you cannot bother to pour her a fucking glass of tea?

On the flip side, another friends' wife says that her money is "hers" but his check goes into a joint checking account. Wow! He hates it but she does not care, so he tolerates it. Their marriage is in trouble.

Fuck it, people suck ass. They cannot even be nice to each other.

[LiberalFighter]

54. Every marriage is different. Every family is different.

If I was married to that woman that says the money is hers and I filed for divorce I would make sure the split on the property would be considerably less than normal based on the fact she didn't help pay the mortgage or other expenses in the family.

Too many people have a twisted view on how they should treat people vs how others should treat them.

[Drahthaardogs]

55. Like I said, people treat their spouses like crap.

BOTH sides do. People are selfish, and if you go into a marriage thinking "ME, ME, ME, ME, ME" it is not going to last. My favorite is my mother-in-law, who is now on marriage #5, and still has yet to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, SHE is the problem. Granted, she keeps marrying alcoholics, but what she fails to see is that she marries alcoholics because she is an alcoholic who spends all of her free time in a bar. DUH.

[smirkymonkey]

108. Yes, you are right. There are assholes on both sides. It's too bad that so many people have to

treat other people like shit. I don't think I would ever do that to anyone to anyone intentionally.

I have been hurt and I have hurt. But I have never been malicious toward anyone and I hope to god that I never will. I cannot understand treating another human being so cruelly. It just isn't right.

[seabeyond]

63. altruism. a marriage of altruism. the most selfish of acts. also, i swear, the best in marriage

guide.

i want the best for him. he wants the best for me. ergo, we both get the best.

18 yrs. a piece of cake

[aaaaaa5a]

83. Or maybe its because they are more likely to win in divorce court. nt

[elehhhhna]

113. huh? check your stats

win what, exactly?

[aaaaaa5a]

115. For example... custody. nt

[elehhhhna]

116. point taken there's probably some institutional bias

[randome]

117. Mine didn't.

I 'got away' with minimal payments simply because I came across as authentic and honest. She did not.

And now I'm voluntarily giving my ex extra money each month so she can keep her house. For my daughters. If it was just her, I wouldn't bother.

If a man 'loses' in a divorce, it's usually because he comes across as bitter or trying to hide something.

IMO.

[laundry_queen]

106. admittedly a small sample of people

but awhile back I belonged to a divorce support group of around a hundred people - and there seemed to be a real difference between the sexes. Women, once they found out about a cheating husband, or once they cheated, had a tendency to not let it drag on. They wanted to make everything 'official'.

Men OTOH, seemed to really drag their feet in the legal process - there was one guy who had 5 kids. His wife cheated and left, rarely coming back to visit the kids. For 2 years he raised those kids on his own, but didn't start legal proceedings, always hoping his wife would come back. She ended up starting the proceedings on her own when she decided she wanted to marry her boyfriend.

This guy was by far not the only example like this. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it does tie in with the article - the men tended to think their wives were overall happy and just 'going through a phase' whereas the women tended to see themselves as failures and wanted the 'failure' to be over with asap. The women tended to start proceedings or at least visit a lawyer merely *days* after discovering a betrayal. Yes, it's a generalization but the pattern was quite clear in my particular group.

[hobbit709]

2. Out of the people I know who got divorced

It's about 3-1 the man was the problem.

[elehhhhna]

114. so it's the womens fault for marrying them

see?
i think people marry too young and have nutty notions/elaborate expectations about loooooooove

[bemildred]

3. I always tell people who whine about their spouse: "You picked them?" nt

[LiberalFighter]

57. They had to know what they were getting into unless they totally ignored everything.

To be fair people change but still. It should be easier to adjust to the other partner as time goes on if they both communicate with each other.

[sendero]

4. If you are not..

.. having sex at least once a week, you should divorce anyway. WTF.

[Tsiyu]

5. In an ideal world, sure

How about when you've got a houseful of kids and a fulltime job and you do all the housework as well. Think you'd be all chirpy about it?

Nah. You see the bed and all you can think about doing is passing out.

And men withhold sex as well. It's a myth that women are always the ones who "withhold sex"

[sendero]

8. Doesn't matter who withholds.....

...it is a basic human need and health issues notwithstanding I don't know why anyone would stay in such a marriage.

FACT is, that if two normal healthy people are not interested the marriage is over for other reasons IMHO.

[Tsiyu]

10. Well, you have to think about

Last edited Sun Jan 6, 2013, 10:08 AM - Edit history (1)

cases where one partner is sick, one partner travels for their job, the wife just gave birth.

Sex is integral to a marriage to me as well, but many couples do not see it a important, and there are many instances when raising a family, etc, when there is no time for sex.

Hopefully the couple will be able to make up for lost time later.

I don't judge other couples' choices.

[Sedona]

43. my ex didn't withhold sex...

from his girlfriend

[peacebird]

6. Silly silly silly..... And a little shallow as well. Is sex the only reason for marriage?

[sendero]

11. Not at all...

... but if there is no passion what is the point? I'd rather have a roommate.

[peacebird]

14. I'ld rather share my life with my husband than a roomate. Real intimacy does not require sex

Sex is just a bonus.

[sendero]

15. If you are...

.. over 60, maybe.

[phylny]

18. Hmm, not for all of us :)

My husband and I are in our mid 50s and we have sex or sexual contact 5-7 times per week.

[sendero]

19. Same here.......

... and I don't plan on stopping at 60 or ever. I was just saying that maybe it could be a normal healthy marriage when people decide at some age to give it up.

[seabeyond]

65. you talked me into it...

[Auntie Bush]

38. +100

[Carolina]

40. you hit the nail on the head, Peacebird

INTIMACY is the big issue. And it's very different from sex.

I think that one point people miss is the everything is the disposable society in which we live. Not happy with your life... try a new one, in a new house, with a new person and toss in a new car while you're at it... In short, buy or find something NEW. But as we all know, novelty wears off. Besides, happiness comes from within and no THINGS -- or people -- can fill that void in an individual for the long haul.

As for sex, you can give yourself an orgasm But hugs, comfort, being there for the other person (in sickness & health, good times and bad, etc.) are aspects of intimacy that don't require sex.

Certainly there are valid reasons for divorce, but sex waxes and wanes in long term relationships and that does not mean the relationship is doomed.

I agree with you

[redqueen]

75. This.

There are many ways to be intimate.

And sex with another person is NOT a "need".

[Moonwalk]

91. And if sex is all you want, then what's the point? Why not have sex with a roommate?

Why get married at all if passionate sex is all you're after? Might as well have a lot of sex with a lot of people and keep it interesting.

Sex aside, my husband didn't become my "roommate" when I was going through treatments and was too knocked out and too sick/tired for sex. He is my partner--he shares ownership of home and money--unlike a roommate who only shares rent, space and housekeeping duties. This means he and I both care about what happens to that home and that money.

He and I benefit collectively from the good times, his good times, my good times, and those instances when it's good times for both of us--not true of roommates. We keep each other smart, inspired, interested in life--not true of roommates. We share experiences, we get each other through the rough times, tend to each other when sick, watch out for each other, team up against enemies, know what makes each other depressed, joyful, fearful, hopeful. We work very hard to make sure the sad times for each other are short and the happy times long--unlike roommates. We know what gifts to give each other, including time alone.

This is "passion" for another person, and it has nothing to do with sex. If all you get out of marriage is a roommate who gives you great sex, then that isn't passion. Sex is the gravy for true passion, its most delicious and indulgent dessert, not it's Raison d'être. And anyone as old as you should know that--otherwise, when something bad happens, something including erectile disfunction or a sick depression that keeps the person unable to perform, you will discover that you never had a spouse; just a sexually active roommate.

[LanternWaste]

109. I imagine many people rely on passion rather than love...

I imagine many people rely on passion rather than love...

I'm aware of absolutely sexless marriages (due to MS in one case, MD in another) that have been going long and strong since 1984.

Goodness, but after your depth of marital wisdom based on little other than sex, maybe they are indeed merely roommates...

[slackmaster]

58. Couples do sometimes stop having sex yet stay together for companionship and security

Life changes as you get older. Count on it.

[dawg]

99. That is just totally at odds with my concept of what a marriage should be.

To me a marriage isn't just about sex, that is just a part of it. I want sex, and lots of it, but if I love someone then they mean so much more to me than just that. And if she went through a period of not feeling very sexual, I would literally wait forever for her.

I want to be married to someone because of something really special I feel between me and her. I can be sexually attracted to fifty different women a day. There isn't anything special about that.

I understand that sex is important to a marriage. But I think your post puts the cart before the horse.

[Fumesucker]

7. I blame my divorce on the economy, my income dropped sharply

And my ex decided to find a man who made more, she found the wealthy right wing gun toting NRA nutjob before she divorced me though.

[datasuspect]

16. i'm sorry to hear that

i wish you the best.

[Fumesucker]

20. Thanks for your kind words

It took me a while but I'm considerably better now..

[Last Stand]

39. your enduring revenge will be her choice of partnering with a Miserabeliac

who will always be angry and never feel that anyone has done enough for him.

[eridani]

21. That happened to my brother

After a bout of unemployment, his wife started looking around and hooked up with an old high school chum with a more stable income.

[dawg]

97. You are better off without her, although I know it must have been devastating.

A woman who would just move on like that isn't much of a woman to begin with. (No offence, because I know you loved her.)

[Fumesucker]

100. It wasn't just my ex I lost

I went to see my grandkids a couple of months ago and the ex's picture with the new guy was up on my daughter's refrigerator and my grandson kept calling me by his name. My picture wasn't anywhere to be seen although I know she has an entire storage bin full of family photos.

The guy was an uncle to one of my daughter's circle of friends, I honestly don't see how she couldn't have known what was going on and yet she never told me anything. I actually found out what was going on after the divorce was final when one of my granddaughters told me.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=639160

[dawg]

101. I don't think you have lost your daughter or grandchildren, although the things you say ...

would make me feel terrible too.

Your wife may be more forceful about keeping a prominent place in your daughter's life than you are. And her POS husband comes along for the ride.

But you still have a daughter and grandchildren. And they still love you. Some men and women get abandoned and left with much less than that.

I know it's hard to see the bright side. I don't see it myself somedays. But you sound like a good man. Much better than your ex and the man she wound up with.

[RedstDem]

9. I wish it were only sex

would be so easy to figure out then wouldn't it.

[vilify]

12. Don't women initiate the majority of divorces?

It seems the article is trying to teach women to be more diplomatic. Which is a good idea considering women spend most of their lives trying to secure a husband for marriage but are far more likely to leave the marriage.

[GeorgeGist]

22. Is Free Republic down this morning?

[vilify]

24. I don't know and my post isn't offensive.

[Sheldon Cooper]

25. Your post is indeed offensive.

Very offensive, actually.

[blueamy66]

42. It is most definitely offensive.

Yeah, I spent most of my life trying to secure a guy to marry.…NOT

Offensive doesn't do justice to your post.

This woman (me) is taking care of her very sick BF (or whatever he decides he is today)…I could leave, but I won't.

Now I'm pissed.

[seabeyond]

67. i spent the first 32 yrs saying.... no way in hell, cause of that attitude toward women. nt

[blueamy66]

71. I still can't believe that was posted.

What the hell year is it?????

[Auntie Bush]

44. Yes it is offensive. I know what's offensive to me and you're offensive!

Talk about needing to learn to be more diplomatic....you take the prize!

[lunatica]

59. Yes. It is offensive

And it's also a very stupid and ignorant thing to say.

[2naSalit]

88. +10K!!

For all of the reasons given for being offended by the ignorance of the comment about women needing to be more diplomatic.

Oh, and to that person... FU and the piece of shit for a brain that you rode in on. Go back under your bridge where you came from and may you never be found acceptable enough to have sex with by a female ever again.

[lunatica]

94. LOL! I second that!

[slackmaster]

62. People have the right to choose to be offended by anything

Get used to it.

[Romulox]

76. That's rich, coming from you! nt

[seabeyond]

85. and people have the right to call out misogyny. i guess that would be another "get used to it"

though i do not like to talk to others in that manner

[Squinch]

26. Did you seriously just write that? and then say it wasn't offensive? Your unsightly knuckles are

showing, dear.

(.... good God. They walk among us ...)

[etherealtruth]

30. Are you trying to be funny?

"considering women spend most of their lives trying to secure a husband for marriage" ... this is truly idiotic .... NOT funny.

It is so "not funny" it is extremely offensive.

This kind of thing plays well to the knuckle dragger's ... to the educated, intelligent or those capable of reasoning ....not so much.

[Amaril]

51. I think you forgot to add one of these

If you didn't forget it, then you have got one seriously ugly attitude toward women.

[LiberalFighter]

60. How much time do men spend looking for free sex?

[seabeyond]

68. dont sell men out. they look for connection AS MUCH as women do. it is a people thing.

and because of societal conditioning of what masculinity is suppose to be, we pretend otherwise for men.

[Romulox]

77. Those facts you cited? OFFENSIVE! nt

[Orrex]

13. It's all because of hysterical women and their mysterious monthly cycles

[OKNancy]

17. It's not that women don't want to have sex.........

they just don't want to have sex with YOU.

[ismnotwasm]

23. Heh

[KansDem]

28. Hey! I resemble that remark!

nyuk...nyuk...nyuk...

[sammytko]

66. Thank you!!! Plus 1000++++ n/t

[cantbeserious]

27. Those That Believe That Sex Is Not Used As A Method Of Control Or Manipulation Are Fooling Themselves

eom

[demmiblue]

31. See post #17. n/t

[cantbeserious]

32. Non Responsive To The Post

eom

[demmiblue]

33. Then #87 if it suits you. n/t

[cantbeserious]

34. Non Responsive Again - No Post #87

eom

[demmiblue]

35. Perhaps that is part of your problem... eliciting responses. n/t

[cantbeserious]

37. I Observe And Comment - The Truth Is Often Not Palatable

eom

[demmiblue]

41. Lol. n/t

[LanternWaste]

111. Confusing truth with a mere opinion is also unpalatable

Confusing truth with a mere opinion is also unpalatable, and often rationalized by stating "The Truth Is Often Not Palatable..." as I've observed.

[Iggo]

45. Ha!

[seabeyond]

69. and those that connect to someone who chooses that in life are fools. see how easy that is.

i wouldnt be with a man that played manipulative games. both hubby and i made clear in dating.... no games. dont like them. wont do them. we dont

[LanternWaste]

110. About as absurd as believing

About as absurd as believing that those who think that way have been used one too many time. Six of one, half a dozen of the other... and both as absurd as the other.

[babylonsister]

29. I think the concept of marriage has been cheapened.

In Mom and Dad's day, people took their vows seriously. Now, it's so easy to get a divorce and not as much social stigma is attached. The grass is always greener, so let's go pee over there? And yes, I'm divorced and doing okay with that now, but it took awhile.

[Iggo]

47. People take their tattoos more seriously than their marriages.

[arthritisR_US]

72. Well tatoos are forever, marriages aren't ;) n/t

[GreenEyedLefty]

56. The concept of marriage has been over-romanticized.

[LiberalFighter]

61. They need to change the vows.

I'm not too sure about it being easier to get a divorce compared to the past. For instance, Indiana at one time was known as the divorce capital of the USA. I'm not sure of the facts on this part but in the 1800's and possibly part of the 1900's marriage wasn't IMO taken seriously. Men and possibly women, but mostly men when a job was over or they found a new job that was in a different town would just up and leave. They left the wife and children behind and the woman would then pretty herself up looking for another man. I don't remember if they were married in those situations and didn't bother getting a divorce or if they just lived together. They probably operated under the common law marriage status.

[LanternWaste]

112. Your position (one that I agree with) reminds me of this quote from the wonderful Cary Grant movie,

Your position (one that I agree with) reminds me of this quote from the wonderful Cary Grant movie, His Girl Friday...


"You've got an old fashioned idea divorce is something that lasts forever, 'til death do us part.' Why divorce doesn't mean anything nowadays, Hildy, just a few words mumbled over you by a judge."

[slackmaster]

36. Interesting article. I was not aware that people were blaming divorce on women.

In most divorces I've observed, there were mutual disagreements about things like where to live, how the money was being spent, how the children were being raised, substance abuse by one or both parties, mental illness, and often a combination of multiple factors.

I seriously don't know anyone, including myself, who is divorced and says it was all the other party's fault.

[KansDem]

49. I'm with you...

My wife and I have agreed to call it quits after 25 years. And it is for a combination of factors.

Just have to take care of some finances before we say adios for good...

[Sheldon Cooper]

48. I've heard that money problems are the number one reason for divorce, at least in the US.

So how does "making oneself available for sex at least once a week" fix that?

[McDiggy]

50. It's *this* gender's fault!

Divorce, Sandy Hook, this, that, the other. Kinda sick of it, to be honest. If I see another thread on DU that blames the entirety of one gender for being responsible for something, I'm just going to take a break from the site. You folks are becoming as irrational as Republicans.

[Prism]

52. Well there's a terrible article

It takes data from UAE and decides "Hey! I can take this data from a foreign culture and extrapolate it to the US no problem!" And boy howdy!

Here's the secret of divorce. One or both partners stop listening to the other, and/or the wants and needs of one partner no longer fit what the other is willing to provide.

Yes, it's one of the greatest mysteries of our age. Let's write articles about it and rake in money for what should be the most commonest of sense.

[99Forever]

53. Oh goody!

A man bashing thread.

First time that has ever happened here.

[theKed]

74. Right?

Always a good time when the call goes out to the vagina police.

[seabeyond]

90. with this kind of attitude, i can understand why you are so angry.

most women really dismiss the man that feels the need to project this garbage.

[Chico Man]

64. What about the placement of children and child support?

It's wonderful courts measure fatherhood monetarily.

It's up to the dad to pay and then go above and beyond to inject themselves into their kids lives.. And if the mother wants to make that extraordinarily difficult, she is free to do so without repercussion. It's all it the best interest of the children.

[LWolf]

70. Both of my divorces were the husband's fault.

#1, violence and cheating
#2, cheating

And no, I didn't "withhold sex;" they didn't have to look elsewhere.

That doesn't mean it's always men. The cheating listed above, for example, were with WOMEN. Some of whom were married.

In reality, it's most often a combination of the two.

Even in mine. Why did they cheat? It wasn't the sex. I came to believe, in years after, that I wasn't the kind of woman they'd wanted to begin with. They both loved me, in their own way. They just didn't want to live with me. They wanted their wife to play a more traditional role. I loved them; I just wasn't that woman. I did not subsume my own goals and personality to suit.

[redqueen]

73. Marriage is an outdated institution.

All it does is give people a false sense of security and more reason to take their partners for granted.

Being committed to someone is a choice you make over and over again. Not once during an offensively patriarchal ritual which has been turned into an obscene circus of overpriced theatrics.

[Sheldon Cooper]

78. I disagree with your opinion about marriage.

I agree that the rituals called 'weddings' have become obscene.

[lumberjack_jeff]

79. Then why are we so big on promoting marriage equality?

Is it because we think gay people should be as miserable as the rest of us?

I'm in full agreement about the "overpriced theatrics", but the wedding industry doesn't sell their wares by telling grooms "this is your day".

I'm of two minds about the topic. If you get lucky as I have, marriage is a wonderful thing.

[seabeyond]

87. ah redqueen... and here we have differing views on it. though i wont disagree with you that it is

about

Being committed to someone is a choice you make over and over again.

but it does not have to be

Not once during an offensively patriarchal ritual which has been turned into an obscene circus of overpriced theatrics.

[KittyWampus]

102. Tell that to this couple who were married at city hall this New Year.

?f061b7ce9937c38b702e6f308816ac2a14e2a4ec

[Warpy]

81. Oh, BOLLOCKS

While it does take two to make a divorce, I wasn't the one who crawled into the bottle and started screwing anything that held still long enough. Sometimes the fault is lopsided and it's not the woman's fault, although she will consistently be blamed for letting herself go (translation: childbirth changed her body) and being too exhausted for sex because male entitlement still demands a full time domestic servant even when such servant is bringing in a paycheck.

Oh, I know plenty of divorces when the man was the relatively blameless partner, don't get me wrong. However, no matter who is to blame, the man becomes an eligible bachelor while the woman becomes damaged goods.

And don't get me started on the economic hit women and children take after divorce.

Doyle needs her nose rubbed in a little reality. Sadly, as she continues to rack up too many birthdays, she'll likely get it.

[Fumesucker]

84. "Eligible bachelor"

Funny, my ex had another, far wealthier partner lined up and in the sack before she ever told me she wanted a divorce.

Whereas four years later I'm still alone, I'll never trust another woman enough to have a relationship again, it hurt that badly.

[Warpy]

86. Exactly, blame is often very lopsided

I know the last thing I wanted was another marriage so when the article in Newsweek came out asserting a woman over 30 was more likely to be killed by a terrorist than married, I did a happy dance. I actually considered those two things equivalent, although death was preferable.

However, if you got out there, you'd find that you are an eligible bachelor and would have to beat 'em off with a stick, especially if you own your house and have a job. Financially stable nice guys are hard to find these days.

Divorced women fare much worse on the meat market, their children a liability and the years they spent with the ex being held against them.

[Chico Man]

89. Wow that is so ridiculous

My ex was married not long after divorce and plenty of "online dating opportunities" were lost because I have two kids (that only live with me every other weekend). Their loss.

Apparently "nice guys" aren't all that desirable anyways. Financially stable, ABSOLUTELY, but nice doesn't go very far (unless you are nice with your money).

[seabeyond]

92. i have a nice guy. i would not allow anything less in my life. that is all the men and boys,

that are around me. nice men rule. men gotta get over the "women do not like nice men" garbage that the internet feeds to men, to allow them to be more angry.

well, they dont gotta get over it. they can hang onto it if they want. but, it is not a truth, and it is not healthy.

[Fumesucker]

93. Yep, own your home and financially stable and you are an "eligible bachelor"

Personality doesn't enter into it.

There was a DU outrage post not that long ago about a man who broke off a relationship because the prospective partner did not have a good credit history.

Turn it around the other way, woman breaks off with man because of bad credit and there would have been nothing to post about.

[dawg]

96. I think most women are just looking for a man they won't have to support.

There are some gold-diggers out there, but hopefully they are a distinct minority. (Both male and female)

[dawg]

95. I don't feel like an eligible bachelor, Warpy.

I feel like damaged goods, and I don't even know where to begin. I think it's a common thing to think that the opposite sex has it much better. On the balance, I agree that men probably do have it better after a divorce. But really, the advantage goes to the one who was at fault. Often, they have the next relationship already lined up. But even if they don't, they are ready to hit the ground running. And the injured party can't do anything but grieve, and cry, and wonder why they weren't good enough.

[seabeyond]

103. your sentence makes me feel so bad, mad, sad. all of it

"I feel like damaged goods"

no no NO. i tell you. total bullshit. the one that fucks up seems to come out the best. i like that perspective of the post, and that is the inherent and frustrating wrong of it.

the one with character that got fucked over is the one that ends up feeling bad, and it really really really should be the other way around.






makes me that mad. hey... talking today with boys. and "emotional" and them giving it to me, though i do not really paly in emotion. but, we decided injustice. injustice, from the time i was a kid creates that explosion. i read your sentence, and went right there.

they made me think... so not i am catching it all.

[dawg]

105. I was talking about this with a friend a few months ago.

I asked her why she thought it was so much easier for my ex to move on than it was for me. My friend didn't answer and we just looked at each other for a second.

"It's because she already had a long head-start, isn't it?", I asked.

My friend just nodded and said, "Well, I didn't want to just come out and say it."

But don't worry about me. I'm making progress. I'm just feeling more emotional than normal due to the holidays, family events and the like. Also, fumesuckers comments really got me thinking about my own situation.

[Tikki]

82. Talking divorce...that means there's a marriage and much of....

the dynamic of a long-time, loving marriage is the ability to keep sharing, the personalities involved and LUCK.
If that columnist thinks only one partner needs to alter their perception of what a marriage can do..she is wrong.

You talk to any long time happily marrieds and they will tell you a sense of humor is a grand part of the bargain.



The Tikkis

[Recursion]

98. We get Lysistrata completely backwards today

Because our stereotypes about men, women, and sex have reversed themselves since then. The "funny" thing about Lysistrata to an ancient Athenian was the idea that women would go without sex for any period of time -- to get the idea, imagine a modern comedy based on men withholding sex from their wives. Come to think of it, that sounds pretty funny, and I think I'll try to write that. Though it's kind of the basis of Married, With Children, I guess.

[Sheldon Cooper]

104. That's one thing I never understood about Married With Children.

Why did Al hate having sex with Peg? I mean, her outlandish clothing and hairstyle notwithstanding, she was an attractive woman. For as miserable as Al was, it never made sense to me that he didn't want to at least have a sex life with his wife.

[Recursion]

107. It was the one thing he could control (nt)