Mitt & Newt Challenge Each Other to personally "Get Castro."
Republican Candidates Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich
unexpectedly crossed paths on the campaign trail in Florida
today, and a spontaneous debate broke out over which one
was stronger in their determination to "get Castro." The two
met with surprise just off the sand at Miami Beach and
quickly engaged, their voices rising with anti-Castro vitriol.
ROMNEY: I have always been more anti-Castro than you, my friend.
All the time I was at Bain I thought of little else but how I hated
Castro.
GINGRICH: My friend, I doubt a human being has ever been born
or will be born who carries more loathing in their heart than I for
the smelly hairy Castro. If I could I would personally go down there and
remove the old wretched Commie from this world with my bare hands.
ROMNEY: If you could? If you could? Why can't you, my friend?
GINGRICH: Well, let's not be preposterous, there are obvious legal
and technical obstacles to--
ROMNEY: Why can't you, my friend?
GINGRICH: Is that a challenge? Are you challenging me?
ROMNEY: Of course it's a challenge. Cuba is right out there. Castro
is right out there, Mr Speaker.
GINGRICH: Well, I believe he's dying and senile somewhere in a
hospital and--
ROMNEY: Oh, you're going to let that stop you? I guess you
must not hate the old Communist as much as you say if his dying
and begin senile in a hospital is going to keep you from finding him
and taking him out with your bare hands. I guess you must love
the old Communist after all if you can suddenly muster such compassion
for him.
GINGRICH: I'll show you how much compassion I have for the hairy
old son of a bitch. Where's a boat! Get me a boat! Where's Calista!
Somebody get me a ***damn boat!"
ROMNEY: Who needs a boat?! You need a boat? I don't need a boat!
Romney began removing his shoes and coat and Gingrich followed
suit. Their staffs tried to stop them but they shook loose and
began trotting awkwardly in their socks and shirtsleeves
across the sand toward the water and Cuba, hollering indecipherable
anti-Castro epithets at each other as they went.
Gingrich dove in just as the water was retreating and he landed
on the sand with a rather graceless bellyflop. The waves were
particularly strong and though Romney dove in nicely and displayed
a steady and stylish stroke, he remained in one spot as the waves kept
knocking him back, his head held jauntily high above the water and his
hair gleaming like a little oil slick in the Florida sun. Gingrich, already
winded, finally made it into the water on his hands and knees and
immediately began floating north as his arms proved too short to
reach the water.
Breaking...
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