A story of statutory rape...

[cynatnite]

This is not something I like talking about, but I think it's important for folks to understand the impact of statutory rape and what it really means.

My daughter met a 21-year-old man when she was 13 years old. He would come by her school and they would talk while she waited for her bus. He was there to pick up his neice which was why he was allowed on the grounds. I did not know about this.

It wasn't long that he was picking her up when she was supposed to get on the bus.

I found out later that he was attending a school event with her and I immediately confronted him. I sent him away and told him to never contact her again. The relationship continued.

After finding a note in my daughter's pocket, I realized how far the relationship had gone and it scared the hell out of me. I talked to her and she admitted having sex with him. I took her to the doctor and had her examined. It was a very difficult experience for her.

I then contacted law enforcement where they got everything they needed to have statutory rape charges filed. The prosecuter was very understanding. He said in order to avoid my daughter from having to testify in court, he would send the case to the grand jury. The man was indicted.

He missed his hearing and a bench warrent was issued for his arrest. It was some weeks later that he was caught. We also found out that he had a history of these kinds of relationships with young girls in the past.

It took her a while to realize that he had manipulated and used her. She went through a period of feeling violated and blamed herself for what happened. It took counseling for her to accept that she was a victim of an adult who knew how to use an innocent girl.

Several years have passed since this happened. My daughter is a bright young woman with a small child of her own. She has been married a few years now and is going to college. She is very well adjusted and has moved on with her life. She doesn't talk about it anymore so I'm not sure how she views it now.

These statutory rape laws are there for a reason. If she had been 16 years old at the time, I probably would have grounded her and got her on birth control. That would've been the end of it. But 13 years old is such a tender young age for this kind of relationship and I knew what the implications were for her. This man had full knowledge of what he was doing...she did not. That's why I had no qualms about sending him to jail.

He served 1 year and is now a registered sex offender.

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. Thank you for sharing that...

The penalty should have been much stiffer for him.

[dballance]

2. Only One Year is Hardly Restitution for What he Took From Your Daughter

Thanks for sharing such a painful, personal, intimate story. Hopefully it will help others.

[cynatnite]

3. If I could be sure he wasn't stalking other young girls...

I'd be okay with the sentence. We have no way of knowing if he's doing this.

[lunatica]

16. He is registered as a sex offender and will be for the rest of his life

Anyone can look it up on the internet. And sex offenders must answer to parole officers.

Though imperfect, people have the option to monitor their neighborhoods for sex offenses.

[redqueen]

11. +1

[RobertEarl]

4. This is what we need full sex education in schools

Kids need to be educated from a very early age about sex so they can talk about it freely and pervs will be exposed.

[babydollhead]

5. your daughter is lucky that you found out

you protected her as much as you could once you knew about what was going on. When I was 16 an 18 year old boy took immense joy in being my first boyfriend and continuously abusing my innocence and blind love/trust. He was a sociopath, complete with smiles and charm and just as quickly becoming emotionally abusive and out of nowhere, it seemed, physically abusive. He hated me. I hated me. it was the recipe for a lot of insanity that i have had to make sense of and make peace with. He almost killed me four times. he told me evey way he could break into my house and stab me in my throat while i slept. It was poison. He charmed my parents. It took a huge amount of courage to get away from him. I worry for my daughters and the choices they'll make and what will happen to them. It was 30 years ago. I still don't ever say his name.

[justiceischeap]

6. Thanks for sharing your story (or your daughters')

What people don't seem to realize about statutory rape, is that most of the men being "seduced" are the one's doing the actual seducing. They are pedophiles that prefer teens and not toddlers or pre-teens. Saying that a child should be responsible for his or her actions in situations like these is like saying other children seduce their abusers. A story that was on DU somewhat recently that comes to mind is the infant that was raped by her father.

No good comes of thinking of teen-agers as capable of making emotional decisions of this magnitude. I was 19 when I participated in my first consensual sex act. At the time, I was scared sh*tless and it wasn't a great experience for me because of my fear (plus, I'm a lesbian and I kinda new it then when I was sleeping with the guy).

I would hope at 19 I'm much more emotionally stable and mature than say a 13 or 14 yr. old girl so if it was difficult for me to wrap my head around, think about someone who doesn't have as much life experience (not that a 19 yr old has that much life experience).

[Ilsa]

7. Thank you for sharing that personal story.

It sounds to me like you did everything right. I'm sorry about her loss of innocence and that she had to go through a period of healing that probably affected her current relationships at school (trust issues) when she should have been having fun with her peers.

Alot of people don't realize that anger, grieving, and healing from rape affects friendships, trust, ability to make new friends, work, virtually all social interactions until the person finds themselves again.

[warrior1]

8. what state was this in?

California laws state the it wouldn't be stat rape it would be Lewd and Lascivious acts with a child under 14. 288(a) penal code. A pretty heavy charge. Conviction is a life time of sexual registration for the perp.

[cynatnite]

10. Here in TN, it's statutory rape. n/t

[bettyellen]

22. and the laws are fuzzy, say that only below 14 you absolutely cannot consent.

the case law that's being tested now- that 14 year olds can consent (if there's no evidence of beating!!) was used to let off one girls uncle and another's father (who had impregnated his daughter). So they've ruled basically that parents can pressure their own kids into having sex, and that's just fine. It's appalling.

[magical thyme]

9. when I was 14 I was pursued by a man in his 60s

He was co-owner of a farm where my friends and I worked in order to horseback ride.

I found him and his behavior repulsive and recoiled from him (he put his arm around me to feel me up).

He actually had the gall to complain to my mother that I wouldn't let him hug me. And she actually sided with him and apologized for my unfriendliness toward him. (She was quite stupid and easily misled).

[Hekate]

12. KnR. The apologists are so wrong & I hope they don't show up in this thread

This has to be so hard for you to write about.

I do not hold out much hope for the man who did this, however. When we finally put together some of the pieces of my molester's life, we realized he had started early, in his late teens, and probably never stopped looking for opportunities until old age and disability confined him to his home. He just never got caught (by anyone who would act) and prosecuted.

The best thing about your story is -- you. You followed up on your instincts and talked with your daughter. You followed up by taking legal action, and carried it through. You got your daughter counseling. You protected your daughter, once you saw the danger. You.

Hekate

[MineralMan]

13. Those who prey on adolescents are criminals and scum.

It is that simple. Even though many states have lowered the age of consent to 16, it is still wrong for an adult to engage in sexual activity with girls who are of high school age. Everyone's adolescent years should be free of predatory activity by adults. Adults who don't honor that are scum, in my opinion, even if the law says they are not criminals.

[Mnemosyne]

29. In PA it is 14, I know from experience. The 4 guys had this girl so terrified she refused to file

charges. There was a horrible bruise on her chest of an entire hand print. The monsters were 16, 19 and 21 yo twins. It was basically a rape gang, many girls age 14 and up, over a long period.

One of the monsters even called the police the day after and tried to convince them that this girl was going to come in and lie about the brutal attack. The cops never did find any girl that wasn't too terrified to file charges and testify. This happened in 1993, the aoc may have changed since, not sure.

She was finally sent to her grandparents 900 miles away, to protect her, and her mother moved there shortly after.

[MineralMan]

31. No, it isn't. The age of sexual consent in PA is 16.

There are some exceptions for near-age consensual sex, but the age of consent is 16. Further, someone under 18 is still off limits for older adults under another section of PA law.

You are incorrect.

http://www.premierdefensegroup.com/blog/pennsylvania-age-of-consent/

In fact, no state in the USA has an age of consent under 16 when it comes to adults having sex with the young person. That did not used to be the case, but it is now. Many states set the age at 16, some at 17, and some at 18.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America

[Mnemosyne]

33. Then contact the retired police chief in XXxxx, PA and tell him, he was the one that said it.

Why would he lie to me?

I tried to file the charges myself and was told it was not possible. WTF

[MineralMan]

34. I'm just telling you what the law is.

When did this happen? If it was years ago, I can't say, but the age of consent for sex with adults is 16 in PA. See the links.

ETA: I see it was in 1993. I do not know what the age of consent in PA was then.

[Mnemosyne]

35. I do know what it was then, and it was 14 years old. nt

[lumberjack_jeff]

38. There is no ambiguity about this. The OP did the right thing, and the rapist, not. n/t

[seabeyond]

14. thank you. excellent post. i can remember that young age and a couple times older men ingratiate

themselves into the group of girls. flattery ect... it felt good. it made us feel older. AND

the few times i experienced i always felt a creepiness. what was a man that old doing behaving in this manner.

[seabeyond]

15. another important point in todays world with the net, delivered in our homes. adult sex world has

absolutely gone over the boundaries to our kids sex world. they are two worlds that should have always stayed apart allowing our kids to walk their sexuality in an age appropriate manner. kids do not have that today.

[lunatica]

17. The good old days never were.

Back when I was six, my world didn't turn out to be safe. My story isn't uncommon. And it's best for kids to learn what is safe and what isn't through their parents, not through experience. Parents today are much more aware of the pitfalls of the internet and just plain regular television. Maybe it's best to know what's out there and do something about it through careful parenting, which isn't always about restricting the internet. Kids will find friends who don't have such restrictions and who have access to their parents' porn whether they look for them or not.

My point is that I don't think there was ever any age appropriate time in history to learn about the worst about sex.

[seabeyond]

19. that is really not what i am saying and yes, it was always out there and not anywhere near

what it is today. but, i totally agree that it is in the parents hands. i know in my house (and it is not only about porn), we have talked about so many issues that as kids we never had to deal with. but, is necessary today because the kids need to think about this ahead of time, to have the time to process so better able to make good choices. that alone creates an environment where kids cannot be sheltered.

[lunatica]

20. My reply was not a retort so I apologize if it came across as such

I too wish all children could be safe and learn the facts of life in an age appropriate way. It breaks my heart that they can't.

[seabeyond]

21. i get that.

[ProfessionalLeftist]

18. This has happened in my family twice

The perp was not reported or punished in either case - this is why this crap goes on unabated and unpunished - no one wants to press charges.

In one case the mother simply refused to report it (or she's too stupid) and her learning disabled daughter had the rapist's child. The rapist is long gone, having refused anything further to do with her or the child - of course - the grandmother and welfare are used for support.

In the other case it was a male in the family messing with a 13-year-old neighbor girl and another young girl in the family. In both cases, no charges were pressed. In both cases, charges should have been pressed - I don't give a DAMN WHO the male is.

This "Ohhh well, I don't want to cause family problems" excuse is bullshit.

REPORT IT and press charges! EVERY. TIME. That's the only way this shit will stop. But people let it go.... *sigh*

[Mnemosyne]

30. A dear friend of mine reported her brother for messing with her 12yo daughter, against her family's

wishes. He blew his head off in front of her house and much of her family blamed her! I hate people's ignorance so much.

[ProfessionalLeftist]

36. She had every right to protect her child!

As for him - HE obviously had issues!

[Mnemosyne]

37. She did what had to be done. He had deep issues and was not going back to jail, ever. My friend has

finally come to terms with it and actually forgives him. She's an angel.

He once threatened to take out as many cops as he could if faced with jail again, it was fortunate he did it just to himself.

[glowing]

23. It's society and our culture of boys will be boys

and women are objects of ownership. Men and women are taught from early on their differences with the very clothes and toys they are supposed to play with.

Even in our laws, women and their lady parts are constantly challenged, monitored, and used to stigmatize the legitimacy of their own brain to make their own decisions.

[pasto76]

24. this dad of two girls thanks you for telling thats story

they are both very young but thinking about how to protect them from predators is a scary daunting matter. I'll keep your story in my back pocket.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

25. thanks for sharing this

i do think statutory rape laws are important. i think young boys are also victimized and should be pressing charges as well.

the only time i have problems with it, is when a girl is close to 18 & the boy is 20. I think there should be an allowance for age difference of +/- 2 years (so having sex with someone in your peer group should not end up in prosecution)

[seabeyond]

26. "a girl is close to 18 & the boy is 20". or there in... i agree. but, dont they pretty much take

that into consideration and even in some laws, taking it into consideration?

i know there are pocket issues across the country, but i think mostly that is addressed. though, i cannot say for sure. just bits i have read here and there.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. i am not sure how uniform these laws are about taking peer age into consideration

[sad-cafe]

27. oh wow

so sorry

[Mnemosyne]

32. ...

[Arcanetrance]

39. Are there people that really think statutory rape is ok

[seabeyond]

40. yes. it seems too many. nt