When it rains, it pours.

[MynameisBlarney]

My grandpa refused any further treatments, meds or anything other than food since seeing grandma in a vision a couple of weeks ago.
He's ready to join her.
I just hope I can get to see him once more.

Now my dad is in the hospital because his chemo didn't work for his leukemia. His spleen is the size of a football.

I am the one that everyone in the family looks too for emotional support now, why, I don't know.

I just want to go hide and have a good cry right now.

But, gotta be strong.

This is one of those rare times I wish I HAD a shoulder to cry on.

Just needed to get that out.

I don't have anyone I can talk to in person about such things.

I think I'm gonna get drunk tonight and just let it out.

*edit*

Yes, this IS in fact, a shameless attempt to get sympathy, but I don't care, I could sure use some right now.

[livetohike]

1. You've got some cyber support here

Cry all you need to.....I've been in a similar situation and am the oldest of the siblings. Sometimes, you can only take so much and then you need a release. Just take one problem at a time and know that your presence is comforting many people.

[nick of time]

2. Sounds like you're going through some rough times.

Try to keep your chin up and know that you have lots of DU'ers, including me, pulling for you.

[northoftheborder]

3. Bless you. Go ahead and vent it all out by yourself, and then be there for your family.

....you have to take care of yourself, your health and emotional state, first, so that you can be there for them. I've been through many family situations like this.... and send courage beams your way.

[malaise]

4. Even the strong ones in families have to cry sometime

The ultimate philosophical truth in life is that every living thing dies and that includes those we love. We learn to deal with the pain of losing them when we remember that are families are replenished with new generations.

We don't always have to be strong but there must be a reason why your folks turn to you.
Remember always - crying is cathartic - it can be good for us and it is cleansing as well.
I share your pain - dealing with a grandpa who is ready to die and a dad who is seriously ill is hard. Make them both as comfortable as you can -let them know you love them and let them see the youngest members of the family if possible.
Remember always - death is as natural as birth

[Arkansas Granny]

5. I'm sorry to hear that life is piling up on you.

Stay strong and
My thoughts are with you and your family.

[2theleft]

6. Sending support your way.

It's ok to cry, and cry a lot. Your family will not think you are weak, and you can still be there for them even when you are hurting. Take good care of yourself through this. We all have your back here.

[lumberjack_jeff]

7. I'm sorry for your troubles. No fun.

It's a poor replacement for a real shoulder to cry on, but we're here and we're sympathetic.

[MynameisBlarney]

8. Thanks everyone

Life is not being kind to my family right now, but I know it's only temporary. And there are plenty of other families going through far far worse ordeals.

But still, it sucks right now.

There's a lot of other crappy things going on in my life too, but damn if this situation ain't hurtin me like nothing I've ever had to face.

My grandpa was my default dad for most of my life.
And having the very real possibility of losing him and my real dad soon is a bit much to take right now.

I try to be philosophical about life and death, but this stings more than a little.

[etherealtruth]

9. I am so sorry you are going through all of this

It must be overwhelming

[DogPawsBiscuitsNGrav]

10. If the sun is shining where you are today - Get some. The sun can warm both heart and soul.

Take a little time to cry. It sounds like you need it. Sending hugs and healing your way.

[MynameisBlarney]

18. Good idea actually

but I am gonna have to postpone my crying session.
My roommate has his gf coming over today, and I have to some cleaning before then, and hopefully will be able to maintain my composure while they're here. Put on a happy face and all that.
I would prefer to be alone when the waterworks start.

But since vokka is likely to be imbibed this evening, I don't know how well it's going to work.

[HappyMe]

11. All I can do

is give you a hug.
That is a lot to deal with at one time.

[nadinbrzezinski]

12. I know how it is. The one that needs to be strong for the rest.

Been there...go get a good cry anyway. And if you feel you need to cry with your siblings do so.

<<<<hugs>>>>

Here<------ cyber shoulder.

[MynameisBlarney]

15. I would love to cry with my sibs

but our family is so spread out...we're all 100's and 100's of miles apart.
Except for my brother, but he's not one I could cry in front of, lol.

I have to find a way to get to NC soon.
If my grandpa dies before I can see him again...it will be hard to forgive myself for that.

[intheozone]

13. So sorry to hear of your awful circumstances and

it really sucks that you have no one to turn to in your circle. Even the strongest need some one else when troubles pile on. I'm sending support your way, hoping things will improve for you real soon.

[Nictuku]

14. I doubt this will help much

I doubt this will help much, but this here total stranger's heart goes out to you and your family.

We all have to face this sort of thing at some point in our lives. I can't even begin to think of losing my mother without tears welling.

Somehow, you will be able to get through this sadness, and maybe it will help to remember all of the wonderful things that these loved ones have brought into your life.

Love is powerful, and the Love of Family is even more so.

[MynameisBlarney]

22. It helps more than you know

All of you, are helping more than you know.

I truly do appreciate you all.

[Howler]

16. MynameisBlarney

You need a big ole hug! (((HUG))))!
I'm so sorry about your granddad and your Dad.
You should take that time for yourself to let it all out and grieve. If drinking helps Do it. If you need someone to talk to or vent to Pm Me.

[MynameisBlarney]

20. Thanks Howler

I don't need to drink to be able to cry, but it helps to have the alcohol to blame for getting emotional if I break down in front of people, lol.

[Howler]

25. You don't need an excuse MynameisBlarney.

What you are going through is very hard.No one could fault you for anything right now.

[MynameisBlarney]

35. I know

but still, you know how some guys are like. Showing emotion is a weakness to them.

[Egalitarian Thug]

17. You've got ours. We've been through this too.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

19. Nothing but

love for you at this difficult time, MynameisBlarney.

[kickysnana]

21. Here's a cyber hug

[MynameisBlarney]

23. Oh man

Fuckin love you bastages.

[LancetChick]

24. Life is SO unfair.

I remember when my brother was sick with leukemia. Really, really sick. Suffering with infections, exploratory surgeries, fever, chest tubes and no hope of survival. That was the most miserable time in my life, not as much because of my brother's suffering as it was the loss of hope, shutting off the light at the end of the tunnel. Wanting, needing to experience some form of happiness, but unable to do so. I feel as if there is a black scar somewhere on my brain that is evidence of that misery. My whole family felt the same way. I remember my Dad answering the phone when the hospital called to say that my brother died, and he said "Thank god".

But you do have some hope! Talk to your grandfather, and explain how you feel. He may just be depressed. And as for your Dad, the fact that his current therapy failed doesn't mean he's a goner. There are other therapies, and if he can find a match, there is a bone marrow transplant (have you had your blood tested?). Sorry if you've been down that route and feel like I'm trying to teach you the ABCs when you're an expert... I had to mention these things in case you aren't an expert, since I'm not sure.

Hang in there, and please know that I've felt your pain, and although alcohol didn't help me when I tried to numb the pain, I think you should do whatever it takes to get any sort of lift you can (short of killing yourself). You have ALL my sympathy.

[MynameisBlarney]

38. Damn, that had to be tough

for you and yours to go through, but I bet it was a relief to you all knowing your brother wasn't suffering anymore once he passed.

My grandpa is depressed, no doubt. But he's ready to go be with the love of his life.
He's 93, and told us all years ago, he didn't want to be kept alive on any machines. He's got COPD and is tired of fighting it, and tired of the doctors.
My family and myself totally respect and understand his wishes.
We have been kinda expecting it for years now to be honest.

But my dad, this is kinda unexpected.
He's been having successful treatments for his condition until recently.
And we just ain't ready for him to go yet. He hasn't had a chance to even retire yet and relax, and he deserves that.
I hope that he still has that chance.

[Fight2Win]

26. I tried to think of something useful to offer while I logged in, but alas, I got nothing

I am so sorry for what you are going through, this sounds horrible.

But I must say, your Grandpa sounds like a sweetie pie, a romantic until the end. I was raised with religion, but did not really believe there was anything more in this world until my Grandma died. I immediately felt her presence, and she told me she was finally free of suffering, that she was in a better place, and I felt peace as well. Your Grandpa is connecting to that place, and he is ready to go, you have to let go. But you too can tap into that energy, by meditating, get some time alone to just BE, and say hello to your Grandma, and ask her what to do for your Dad. It isn't his time to go, maybe there is something more that can be done that has not been considered.
(sorry if all that seems really 'out there' but I felt the need to say it- Take care!)

[MynameisBlarney]

28. My grandpa

is most definitely a sweety and a diehard romantic.
He raised me for the most part, so it's especially hard not being there right now.

Your comment is not "out there" one bit.

[dkf]

27. I am so very sorry.

It is so awful to go through this...

What got me through this is thinking and believing that the person we love will be with the others who loved them best. I say I am an atheist, but I believe there is something after we die, so I don't know what that makes me.

I know that is what your Grandpa believes and it makes him happy. So let yourself believe and let yourself be happy for him while you cry. It's good to cry sometimes.

Your poor pops though. I hope he gets better...crossing my fingers and toes.

[MynameisBlarney]

30. Yeah

it's times like these that tend to shake my atheism

[WillyT]

29. (((((((MynameisBlarney)))))))

Peace...

[BlancheSplanchnik]

31. Blarney.....

When my Dad was dying, it did sometimes help to remember that life is like this sometimes....everyone goes through extremes at times and if they made it through, so can I.

You also have to "take right action" as they say. That's really just being wise and gentle with yourself, courageous when necessary, stopping to find loving support when you need to.

Seems you are doing all the right things.
During that time when my Dad moved on...it was a very sad situation--much different than yours-- but a number of things happened that were mystical and gave me assurance that within the pathetic situation he sank into and the fact that I couldn't get there in time , he was not as helpless and diminished as I thought, and the odd things that prevented me from getting there were NOT by chance.

So, be observant for the inexplicable. Don't become dependent on "waiting for signs", though. Keep doing what you're doing and reaching out for love.

You even have love here--we all want to offer our love to you.
Even PM anyone you feel has connected to your life--I know they will welcome you.

Love and support
Cindy
Nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo

[MynameisBlarney]

32. I'm usually a very even keeled person

but wow, all the stuff going on in my life the last few years is getting to me.
I will get through this, but right now...sheesh...it's fucking rough.

I know that death is a part of life, but dammit. I'm not prepared for this right now.

Been too many people in my life dying lately and I hate it.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

36. yep....there sure are times, alright

Yep. It's a fine balance--gritting your teeth, feeling the pain and crying, pushing yourself "out there" again, hiding under the covers, reaching out to friends when you need love and support, even having fun moments (don't forget to have them, too!), dredging up the courage from inside.......having faith that no storm lasts forever.........

Making it through the next minute.

Yes.
I know.

[MynameisBlarney]

49. Thank you Blanche

[BlancheSplanchnik]

52. you're welcome Blarney

I am here if you need.

[840high]

33. I'm offering you

my shoulder. I have been in your shoes. Cry all you want to. It helps. Hugs.

[eggplant]

34. Contact your local Hospice. They are a shoulder to cry on.

Seriously! Hospice offers tons of services for the families, not just the patients. There's no reason to "be strong" by yourself.

[MynameisBlarney]

42. I never thought of doing that

I've always prided myself on being able to handle anything life could throw at me on my own.

But this might be one those times when it's just not smart to try to handle this one by myself.

[renate]

47. I think you're right... this is one of those times

What would be the point of handling all of this yourself? It's not fair, and with hospice you will get help from people whose job it is to get people through times like these. They're happy to be there for you and they'll have lots of useful advice and wisdom.

Life really does get to be too much sometimes. There's nothing to be gained from being the one everyone expects to be strong. You need someone to lean on too; there's no reason not to ask for help and it will make this whole dreadful experience a little easier to bear.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It really hurts.

[MynameisBlarney]

51. Thank you.

If I get to feeling impossibly overwhelmed by all this, I will call Hospice, or a grief counseling center as someone else here suggested.
I'm not too proud to ask for help.
But I am resilient by nature, and stubborn as a mule. I cannot help but try to face it on my own.
I don't doubt that I will get through this one way or another.

And seriously, this very thread has helped IMMENSELY!

Text can't possibly convey how much this means to me.

[eggplant]

84. My wife was a Bereavement Counselor for our Hospice for many years.

She's a licensed Clinical Social Worker (although this requirement may vary by state -- we're in NY) with a Master's degree. She provided services to the surviving family after the death of a family member, in both private and group settings. Other professionals at Hospice would provide services for the dying and for the family before death as well.

These services are provided specifically for people IN YOUR EXACT SITUATION. Please, avail yourself of them. It is terrible the number of people who are unaware that such helpful services exist. Research shows that it really does help -- it's not feel-good mumbo jumbo.

Depending on your local Hospice, many of these services may be free or paid for by insurance.

If that doesn't convince you, consider this. This may be the first time you are going through this situation. They've helped people hundreds and hundreds of times, and provide research-backed assistance. They are there to help guide you through the process. It's like childbirth. Sure, a woman can birth a kid on their own, but it is a hell of a lot better and safer for everyone involved to have a professional who's been there before to help. And that's not something anyone would consider a sign of weakness.

So please, pick up the phone and call them. You'll be glad you did.

[ybbor]

37. My thoughts are with you

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I am praying for you, and DU is here for you to get support.

[Playinghardball]

39. I'll join you in getting drunk...I'll buy the drinks..

[MynameisBlarney]

44. Right on!

Cheers my friend!

[Playinghardball]

54. Bottoms up....

[MynameisBlarney]

57. Chug a lug!

[Playinghardball]

62. Awesome!

I used to listen to that song when I was a kid...

It's been a long time since I've heard it...thanks...

[MynameisBlarney]

63. Anytime!

[ProfessionalLeftist]

40. Booze will only make it worse. Alcohol is a depressant.

Please find a local grief or crisis hotline to call so that you can have an outlet, even if it's just on the phone. Drowning it in booze only adds another problem, most immediately a hangover and physical distress on top of the emotional distress you are in. It's no solution.

http://contactcrisisline.org/about/faqs/ - or google 'grief counseling' or 'crisis hotline' in your area.

[MynameisBlarney]

43. Oh, I appreciate it

but I'm not in that bad of shape really.
That is for people that really need it.
I don't want to tie up the line for someone that might be suicidal and could use the help.
And I'm of German and Irish descent. If I didn't booze it up at times like this, THEN its time to worry, lol.

I can say that there WILL be Epic Irish Wakes in their honor when they pass.

And this thread is all the grief counseling I need

[ProfessionalLeftist]

58. Oh you're Irish!

And German! So am I actually! LOL! Alright then. Hugs to you!

[MynameisBlarney]

60. LOL!

Oh I SO needed that laugh!

[libodem]

41. Wow, what an overload

Protect your yourself. Those are very tough situations. Stay strong.

[MynameisBlarney]

46. It is rough, no doubt

but reading everyones kind words of love and support are already making me feel a LOT better.

[libodem]

48. we are here for you in spirit

Glad you shared and we can commisserate.

[xtraxritical]

45. Oh man MynameisBlarney my heart goes out to you.

I went thru it with both parents but not at the same time. My Ma died from throat cancer and it was hell for a year and my Dad from pancreatic cancer and it was hell for about six months. You will get thru it, there's no choice. "This too shall pass" and you will get your life back. Keep giving them love.

[Milliesmom]

50. I understand

When my mom died I had no one to hold me and have that shoulder I needed so, I went to the bathroom turned on the shower and got in, then I cried and screamed as loud as I could, it did help some, but 20 years later I still cry. We never get over losing a child or parent, but it does soften some. Good luck and I hope you and your family feel better soon.

[Smilo]

53. Glad you shared on DU

our shoulders are huge and always available to cry on.

Sending you love, hugs and the knowledge that you are cared about.

Your DU friends.

[YoungDemCA]

55. Sorry you're going through such a rough time...

Hope things get better for you soon! You are in my thoughts.

[JNelson6563]

56. Tears contain chemicals of some sort.

I saw this thing once about tears. Scientists collected tears and analyzed them. I guess there is a chemical secreted with tears and with that shedding of that certain chemical we humans know relief to stress. So, when you do have a cry you will find you feel much better!

Drink lots of water while enjoying cocktails too! That will help you stay hydrated and lessen your hang-over.

In closing, please know you have my deepest sympathy and support. I went through a very similar thing long ago and it was challenging, to say the least. Please try to make time to take good care of YOU!

Hugs and encouragement,
Julie

[MynameisBlarney]

59. Have you been talking to my Aunt Pat?

because she pretty much said the same thing to me the other day.

[hrmjustin]

61. I know what you are going through and I wish you and your family the best.

I took care of my friend who died from brain cancer last year and i was all alone when i did it. I was alone with him when he died. My Grandmother died 3 years ago and my mother and I took care of her for 3 years before she died. As you know this will not be easy, but you will get through it. Make sure you take care of yourself, because in these situations people don't pay attention to themselves. I wish you the best.

[MynameisBlarney]

64. Oh wow

You could use a hug too sounds like.

[hrmjustin]

65. Thank you, but it gets easier with time.

Please make sure you take care of you emotional and physical needs my friend.

[MynameisBlarney]

66. You're quite welcome

I know it will get easier.
And I will, I'm not one to be down for long.

[hrmjustin]

67. Remember to post if you feel down and we will try to pick you up.

[MynameisBlarney]

69. I will

and thanks

[Honeycombe8]

68. It may be a heavy load, but it is good to be needed. The worst thing in the world,

it seems to me, would be that no one needs you.

You are blessed. Accept it. How wonderful that you are able to lighten someone else's load, for a time. It won't last long.

Then do something special for yourself, afterwards. A trip? A day spa? Two days in bed watching DVDs and eating potato chips and ice cream? Or if you're the athletic type, a 5k run with new athletic shoes. Whatever you want. You will have earned it.

Take heart. It will end. BTW, I see nothing wrong with Gramps being ready to join Grandma. He may know in his heart it's time.

[MynameisBlarney]

71. Thanks

Jury's still out on that blessed part though, lol.

Though you are right about how being needed is way better than not.

I will probably do something for me, when I can.
It won't be much, doesn't take much to make me happy really.

Maybe get the crew together for a game of dice and some grillage.

[LittleBlue]

70. Life is shit sometimes

Happens to us all, you aren't alone.

Only thing you can do is spend as much time as possible with him, and enjoy what you have to the maximum. And it will make you realize that your loved ones aren't permanent, and cherish them much more for as long as you can.

That's all any of us can do. I'll keep your grandpa in my thoughts and hope for a recovery. Good luck, Blarney.

[MynameisBlarney]

72. I wish I could, but

He's in NC, and I'm in Key Largo, taking time off from work is not a problem, but it's that I can't afford to get there on my own.

Until I can get there, I will just have to talk to him on the phone as best I can, he can barely hear anymore...and it's difficult for him to realize who he's talking to on the phone half the time.
Which is why I HAVE to find a way to get there soon. I have to hug him one last time.

[LittleBlue]

75. Do your best, man

My experience from losing my mother: Think about how you will view this in retrospect, and do whatever it takes to have no regrets.

Best wishes.

[MynameisBlarney]

77. Thanks

I will

[Mojorabbit]

73. .

[Skittles]

74. aw MynameisBlarney

you have us, and someone is ALWAYS here at DU for you

[Auntie Bush]

76. I'm soooo sorry! Sending healing vibes your way.

Now GO and have yourself a good cry. That's the best thing you can do for yourself.

[Jawja]

78. Here's a cyber hug for you.....

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

79. The good and the bad that we encounter...

...changes us, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. It's empowering to know that regardless of our reactions to joy or sadness, we get to decide how we change, if we want to.

May there always be work for your hands to do,
May your purse always hold a coin or two.
May the sun always shine warm on your windowpane,
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you,
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

[southernyankeebelle]

80. Do you think your the only one that goes through this? Don't be afraid to cry because your

a man. If this isn't the time to cry I don't know when it is. You have every right to cry. Go ahead it will make you feel so much better. Do it without the booze. That is just a crutch. You don't have all the answers and your family members should expect you to have all the answers. You need to tell them and work together. I know when my youngest brother died a couple of days before he was 40 it was difficult. He was afraid to die but in the end he was so ready because of the pain. Finally our youngest sister told him it was ok to go whenever he was ready. He finally was able to let go and finally got his peace. Your stronger then you think. Find a preacher if you can't talk to your siblings and for goodness sakes get it out. You need to take care of yourself if you have a family. Its hard but you will do it. But don't hold it in. You aren't weak if you cry. It shows you have a heart. God Bless and I just said a pray for you asking god to help you bear what is ahead. God be with you.

[MynameisBlarney]

81. No, of course I don't think that.

It's just a double whammy on top of all the other whammy's I've been dealing with lately.
Life just kinda has me back on my heels for the moment.
I'll be fine soon enough.

Sorry to hear about your brother, I couldn't imagine losing a sibling. that must have been hell.

Thank you for your prayers.

[southernyankeebelle]

88. I feel your pain honestly. I just wanted to give you a little push to see it is alright.

You know when burdens sometimes are on you, I would pray to god over and over and say God please take this burden from my shoulders. I repeat it until I finally realized god was with me and I was stronger then I gave myself credit for. You are too. I can already see in your response your better. You know there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my little brother. I felt so bad for him. Our parents had been married over 30 yrs and had 2 sets of kids. The first 4 came every two years. (One set of those where twins). Then there was 10 yr break and then the last 2. So my baby brother was 4 or 5 and my little sister was 11 when our father died at the age of 50. Talk about a burden my mother had. She never paid the bills. She didn't drive. She depended on my dad for everything. She was a stay at home mom. My oldest brother was around 29 and married with a child. We considered him the head of the house since our dad died. Like in most Italian American family I was raised in. But he didn't really want that position. Sure he helped out with the funeral and all that had to be done. After that our mother depended on my twin and I and we were 22 yrs old and the other sister was 20. But we took it on and took care of our mother also. Until we had to wait til all her retirement stuff from my dad's pension came in. Top it all off my mother was from another country. We surprised ourselves because we had to do it. With 2 young kids at home we girls had to pick up the duty life presents you. No regrets because I loved our parents very much. You will do it. Remember there is always someoneelse that is worse off. Good luck. You deserve the good things because you were there when your family needed you and god doesn't forget good works.

[MynameisBlarney]

107. I know you are just trying to give helpful advice

but I'm an atheist, so praying is right out for me.
But that don't mean other folks can't pray for me though

[southernyankeebelle]

108. That's ok. You don't have to believe to be a good person. I still will pray because

it makes me feel better.

[Mnemosyne]

94. I understand you were trying to be helpful, but telling someone that others are worse off does

Last edited Sat Feb 2, 2013, 10:50 PM - Edit history (2)

NOT lessen their pain and, for me at least, makes me feel as if my pain doesn't matter because it isn't as bad. It makes me feel ashamed for seeking support, virtual or otherwise, and makes the chances less that I would reach out again.

Sorry for snapping at first, bad memories. Forgive me?

[southernyankeebelle]

109. I don't know what to say. I think you are projecting your feelings on me. I never meant

it the way you are saying it. Never. I did reach out on a personal DU-mail in private and apologized to him. I sure didn't want him feel the way you made it come out. I worried about it until I got a return email. I am satisfied he knew I wasn't trying to lessen his pain. I do forgive you. So its ok between us.

[Mnemosyne]

111. Maybe it was projection. Glad we're ok,

I was worried, do not like to make anyone feel bad and am so sorry. That was why I edited, though knew you could read it.

[southernyankeebelle]

112. I didn't respond at first because I was hurt and didn't know what to say. I know you

did what you felt was right. It takes a big person to realize when we make mistakes. When I do I usually write a personal email and apologize. We are ok. Enjoy the day.

[Mnemosyne]

113. Thanks you, syb. It's my daughter's birthday, my only child turns 34 today and am trying to

figure out how she got so old and I haven't aged a bit.

Have a good day!

[southernyankeebelle]

114. I with you on that one. I have a 32 yr old. I have his daughter with me today.

She is 7 yrs old. Time is going by way to fast you know. Are you a grandparent yet? I think that is sooooooo much better, LOL. I can't believe she is already 7. Have a nice day with your daughter and have a slice a cake for me.

[Mnemosyne]

115. Two grandsons, age 11 - he's almost 12, and a 3 1/2 year old. They are the best! The oldest is here

now. Still waiting on his mother and brother though, as usual. lol

I got to cut the umbilical cord on my oldest, he's the 'son' I never had. We have a blast and still play Chutes and Ladders.

My daughter runs a free clinic in a small city. She has come so far!

Think triple chocolate cheesecake with triple chocolate ganache on top... Gee, hopes she gets here soon, hate to cut the cake without her!

[southernyankeebelle]

116. OMG, I be right over to share that cake. It must be really tasty. I loveeeeeeeeeeeee

Chocolate cheesecake and ganache. You have a nice bunch of grandkids. I only have one. She is my world. She was born on christmas day. You can't ask for anything more. You are a great parent to raise a daughter who thinks of her community. She will be rewarded in heaven. Oh I love Chutes and Ladders. My granddaughter loves to watch Yes to the Dress. Love it so much.

[riverbendviewgal]

82. you are stronger than you know

I know what you Are feeling. My younger son was suddenly struck with brain cancer at almost 25. Two months later his dad at 52 was struck with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Our son died first 18 months later, than 4 months later our beloved German
Shepherd died. A year later my husband died. In the middle of that I had a severe breakup with my parents who hated us and the cancer brought out all the hatred. Long story.

My older son and I had our friends to lean on.

Your grand dad sounds like a good man and it is wondrous he has seen your grandma. THat is wonderful.
Your dad needs you now.

I had therapy after losing my guys. So many people asked how I did survive but you do what you gotta do. And you will too. Everyone on DU is here for you.

[PasadenaTrudy]

83. Two years ago...

I lost my mom and sister within two months. I'm still feeling that one. Hang in there.

[B Calm]

85. I lost my grandpa in 1973.

Grandma died 6 months later. It's was like she couldn't live without him.

My grandpa's death really tore me up. Now when I think back, I remember all the good times I had with him and all he taught me. Grandpa and grandma came to this country from Belgium in 1911. He was a hard working coal miner in Westville, Illinois. He told me how they formed a labor union in the coal mine and all about the rotten bastard who owned the mine. He said he didn't know if he was a republican or a democrat. Then one day the owner of the mine threatened the miners that if they didn't vote republican he would close down the mine. He said from that day on that he knew he was a democrat!

Sounds like your grandpa's number is up and it's time. Peace be with you son and I know by how hard this is for you that your grandpa must be one nice guy. Hopefully soon the pain in your heart will be less and like myself you'll remember the fond memories of him and you together.

[arthritisR_US]

86. I understand too well. Bawling my eyes out

while reading your post. We can use each other to cry on, I know too well that feeling of being at the end of the rope

[LiberalEsto]

87. Hang in there, MyName

We're here for you.
I am so sorry that you are going through all this painful stuff.

[tama]

89. Having a beer with you

Murphy's Irish Stout, mmm.

Many warm hearts with you, friend.

[Honeycombe8]

90. It's too far to drive there to see your dad? Can you take a bus?

I think buses still take people places, although they may not be safe. We have Greyhound here, but it goes limited places and takes a long time. Still, it's cheap. I wouldn't take it, though, because I think unsavory people take the bus and hang out in teh station. Unlike in the old days, when lots of people took the bus. If I could find someone to go with me, and we stuck to daylight hours, it might be okay.

This is the problem of living far from family. It's happened to me. I didn't get to see my grandma before she passed way. I could afford to fly there, but I missed the plane. I hadn't seen my mother in a while, when she died suddenly from a heart attack. A lot of people have to live with this situation. People have moved to this country from another, or across the country. We are at a disadvantage to see family in emergencies...or them to get to us. It's a cross we bear for moving to where we can find a job.

You mentioned having a game afterwards, to relieve the stress, which means you must have some friends you can talk to.

But then, posting online here is good, too, and a good substitute. I have done it, and it really helped. You reach a lot of people, and we all have different life experiences to share and different viewpoints.

I'm so sorry about your dad. It sounds bad. You mentioned hugging him. Funny you should mention that because one thing I remember about my mother is her hugging me with her chubby arms, and how I'll never feel her chubby arms around me again.

[MynameisBlarney]

110. My dad is in South Miami Hospital

he's getting transfusions, because his blood has no immune response, so I don't know if they'll let anyone see him right yet.
And my grandpa lives in NC, I WILL get there, just haven't worked out the particulars yet.

I do have lots of friends, but I could only talk to a couple about heavy shit like this, which, oddly enough one of them stopped by last night, out of the blue.

Drinks were had, tears were shed, dice were rolled.
Bastard wouldn't let me win either, lol

I do feel better today. Feelin a tad hungover though, but not too bad.
Got some fancy schmancy French sourdough bread and am going to make my patented French Toast...which is not sweet, but spicy.
Sooooo good.

[randome]

91. Being honest about your feelings is NEVER wrong!

Does this help cheer you up?

[MynameisBlarney]

106. Yes

yes it does, lol!

[Mnemosyne]

92. ...

[freshwest]

93. You have my sympathies. Watching this is terrible, take good care of yourself in the following days.

[pacalo]

95. I'm so sorry, Blarney.

[idwiyo]

96. Lots and lots of hugs. I am so sorry and I do know exactly what you are going through right now.

First hand experience here. I wish there was something more practical I could do to help.
You are welcome to PM me if you'd like someone to talk to.




Also, here we have people like these to talk to:

http://m.macmillan.org.uk/home

There might be a similar organisation in US?

[Whovian]

97. Hugs and comfort to you brother.

[leveymg]

98. Stay strong. KNR

[malthaussen]

99. Getting drunk is probably a good plan.

With all the talk about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, we seem to ignore Ongoing Traumatic Stress Disorder. Funny, that.

-- Mal

[easttexaslefty]

100. Giant cyber hugs...

[kittcat]

101. Take it one day at a time

I know that's a tired cliche, but it really works for me. I am going through some rough times myself, nothing like you dealing with sickness, but other crap that sucks the life out of you. I am a first time poster and felt inclined to join up after reading your post. I am such a fan of this website and feel like I have cyber brothers and sisters here. Take care of yourself. Things will get better. Life is like that. It seems that when there are bad times, they just start coming at you like an avalanche and there's no where to run. You need to take care of yourself. Try to relax, exercise, focus on the good things in your life. You sound like a lovely, caring person. Your cyber friends are there for you.

[seabeyond]

104. welcome to du kitt..... nt

[Moostache]

102. I feel terrible for your situation...

I hope that you are able to find someone to give you a physical shoulder to cry on and a hug, but I'll send out as much positive energy and sympathy as I can...

[MarianJack]

103. All I can possibly say to you is...

... !

PEACE to your family and you!

[dballance]

105. First of All, If You Want to Have a Good Cry Then Do It

Go lock yourself in the bathroom or a dark closet and let it all out.

Secondly, I liked another poster's suggestion that you talk to a local hospice. They will likely have counselors you can speak with and be able to say anything to which might include stuff you don't want to say to other family members. If you can't find a free one this way check out your health insurance, if you have it, and see if it covers mental health. Find a counselor through them perhaps if it does.

I think that if you are the rock your family depends upon you really need to have someone YOU can talk to freely and openly to take that pressure off of you.

So sorry everything seems to be coming at you all at once and I hope you get to see your grand dad soon.