The Onion (at its best): Resigning Pope No Longer Has Strength To Lead Church Backward

[kpete]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oyJEoDY1pv0/T57Dr31ZRVI/AAAAAAAAIxk/Q75qzBsBOtg/s1600/The+Onion+Logo.jpg
Resigning Pope No Longer Has Strength To Lead Church Backward

“It is with sadness, but steadfast conviction, that I announce I am no longer capable of impeding social progress with the energy and endurance that is required of the highest ministry in the Roman Catholic Church,” Benedict reportedly said in Latin to the Vatican’s highest cardinals. “While I’m proud of the strides the Church has made over the past eight years, from thwarting AIDS-prevention efforts in Africa to failing to punish or even admit to decades of sexual abuse of children at the hands of clergy, it has become evident to me that, in this rapidly evolving world, I now lack the capacity to continue guiding this faith back centuries.”

............................

“Thus, I must step down from the papacy,” he added. “But let me assure every member of the Church that the Vatican’s commitment to narrow-mindedness and social obstruction will long live on after my departure.”

the rest:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/resigning-pope-no-longer-has-strength-to-lead-chur,31248/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default

[phantom power]

1. it takes a lot of energy to stand astride history and yell "stop!"

younger man's game!

[niyad]

2. Onion nailed it

[iandhr]

3. The Onion also said that he will accept a position at a Catholic think thank

http://www.theonion.com/articles/pope-accepts-senior-analyst-position-at-catholic-t,31255/

[independentpiney]

4. Benedict issued a brief statement Monday afternoon consoling his followers, assuring them that

“the Church’s most ignorant and regressive days still lie ahead of us.”

[formercia]

5. Self-created potholes on the road of Regression.

...and Ratso thought he would never see them again.